A Distanced Game Day

Last year Teri and her family launched an annual event in honour of her late father. Gord's Game Day is held in September and brings people together to be outside, active, and connected. Her dad was involved in many team sports both playing and organizing them, as well as, a driving force for their extended family to gather and have a good time. The event last year, in 2019, was at a public park in Hamilton, with obstacle courses, giant jenga, soccer and more. Entry fees and fundraising go towards the Brain Aneurism Foundation of Canada.

With the pandemic this year, the event had to go 'virtual' with a request that family groups and small gatherings of friends try to keep the budding tradition going by running their own Game Day in honour of Gord. A bunch of the participants sent in photos and clips from their activities, which have been made into a video. We did our own Game Day at the waterfront in August, organized by K. The video starts off with a clip from that day and me pushing a ball of Jason's spoon during a race (I am the worst!) You can catch glimpses of Teri, her mother and brother, Greg, R.O.M, K, Jason, Mike, LeMonde, Kristen, Noah, Leo, Monica, Andras, Sebi, and the list goes on. It is a fun montage!

Summer Solstice

Today is the Winter Solstice, so I thought I would talk about the event I ran exactly 6 months ago! (Though I also ran an event earlier this month, but the summer one was a much larger task.) For 2018 we did a full road closure and at the same time cut almost half the budget. R and I worked very hard and I am so happy with how it all turned out. 

Even though last year I said I had thought the event went well, this year was much much better! I was depressed through most of last summer and part of that was set off by how disappointed I ended up being with the 2017 event. This year's event led into a happy, healthy and enjoyable summer! I am very proud of the 2019 Solstice event that we ran in The Junction.

Jason and Noah were big help as volunteers!

June 23, 2018 - Junction, Toronto

It's Been A Long Time

I have been meaning to get back to posting on Always Standing for a while now. And I have known that I wanted my first post after this break to link to the Aaliyah (featuring Timbaland) song from 2000, Try Again. This is for the beginning section that says... It's been a long time, we shouldn't have left you (without a dope beat to step to, step to.) Well, maybe I shouldn't compare the writing on this blog to a 'dope beat' but the phrase 'it's been a long time' always brings to mind that song.

Also, it really has been a long time! My last post was at the end of May and I am now returning after four months. I looked through the archive and I have never even missed one month, let alone a streak. But I am back! Do I bother promising that I plan to post more or even try for everyday?

My Babies!

As I mentioned, my mom has been in Edmonton visiting My Babies. This is why she wasn't at The Cottage for the long weekend. It feels like it has been forever since I got a chance to see Mike, Aimee, Avery, and Maya. I think the last time was summer last year, so we are edging towards a year. That is a long time, babies become different people sometimes in days. It is great to see photos when mom goes, which she always puts on her blog. Here are the posts from her recent trip out west to see her grandkids:
- Intro Post, tons of photos, tons of smiles
- Out and About, lots more pictures, you can see how mobile they are now
- Duck Photos, short post, great shot of Maya
- Final Posts, photos really show how much Maya has grown, and Mike (probably Aimee) shows me up by remembering Mom's birthday and getting her a cake.

I may not see them often, and I worry that my niblings don't know or remember who I am, but Mike makes sure she has them say 'Hi' to me whenever I call. We don't talk on the phone often but when we do there is usually a point where Mike is getting the kids to, 'Say Hi to Aunty Chris' which is always adorable because it isn't easy to pronounce. (When we were little Mike called me 'teen' because he couldn't say 'Christine'.) I think 'Ch' part is hard for babies. I miss them so much, it is always adorable to hear them try. Then there was this recent phone exchange with Mike:
Me: Ok, I gotta go. I love you.
Mike: Ok, talk to you later.
Me: Hey! Tell me you love me. (This is a normal thing I do at the end of a call with him, he usually relents and does it. I take my forced affection when I can get it.)
Mike: ...
Me: Tell me you love me.
Mike: (Away from the phone) HEY, KIDS, come here. Tell Aunty Chris she's stinky.
Chorus of two little voices: Aunty Tiss your stinkyyyy.
Me: Ok, fine, that works. I love you. Bye. (I guess I will take forced insults from my babies when I can get it too.)

Away From It All

Escape To The Beach

Long Point, May 2018

Photo by me, taken on my phone

Finally Finished

At the end of last summer I got this strange breakout on my chin and around my mouth. I tried to just deal with it myself for a little while (which actually ended up making it worse) before asking my doctor about it. Turns out it was Perioral Dermatitis and I needed to use a topical antibiotic to get rid of it - for nine weeks! Today I am done, nine weeks was a long time.

The funny thing with this rash was that is was self caused, by accident. I have a steroid cream that I use sometimes when the dry skin around 'my hoof' ankle bone gets bad. My doctor suspects that at some point after applying it, I touched my mouth area which brought about the rash. Then I made it worse because I thought this red bumpy and scaly rash was some type of dry skin so I actually put the steroid cream on it. This would work and it would be gone by the next day but would return a few days later. After that happened for a while I read the container of the steroid cream which said to use it twice a day for seven days - remember this was prescribed for my occasional eczema behind my ears and around my ankles. I decided to diligently follow the steroid instructions which worked; only for it to come back, with a vengeance, after I finished.

When I spoke to my doctor about it at the end of November she said that steroid cream really shouldn't be used on the face and that I needed to use antibiotics to get rid of it now. She could have given me a pill but because I was going to Africa and was needing some pills for that she thought it best if I used a gel antibiotic directly on it. She then said I was going to need to put it on twice a day for nine weeks, and that I wouldn't see improvements until about six weeks of treatment. This was disheartening because the treatment that was technically worsening it would totally clear it in a day.

There was a bit of concern with Africa because the antibiotics would make the area more sensitive to the sun, so I had to be careful to apply the gel early, wait a bit, and then apply lots of sunscreen to my chin so it wouldn't burn. This treatment wasn't a hassle at all, but it probably was the longest I have ever taken medicine for anything, besides the stuff that I take all the time. Glad it is over, but now I am in the habit of applying something to my face twice a day I think I will replace it with moisturizer, or anti-aging serum or something that is good for my skin.

Lost In The Sandbox

Jason, Rob, and I have been playing Fortnight, for the PC, since the summer. I keep meaning to post about it, so much fun! I haven't enjoyed a game this much since World of Warcraft (WoW). Similar to WoW, Fortnight has 'events' and just finished one for Halloween. I was able to get a character that is dressed up in a cute cat costume, and she kinda looks like me!!

Note: The post title is in reference to the Fortnight game style.

Too Much Content

It is hard to post now that I am doing social media again at work. I have only recently taken it on. At the BIA we had hired a few people to do it in the lead up to our big event. Then we let the channels lay dormant for a while before it was requested that we pick it back up again. I decided I would do it (helps me stay on top of what is going on in the neighbourhood, but it does take a considerable about of time.)

So because I am creating content for The Junction all the time for multiple channels, I struggle with content and writing for Always Standing. The medium is different (also possibly the message?) since there isn't a blog at work. However, I personally have accounts at multiple channels and am now managing all the ones at work. I personally have Facebook and Twitter, though I rarely look at or post on Twitter. Then Two has her Instagram (link on the left) which I help out with. Then there are all the work ones, which I take care to post on regularly.

Follow us at The Junction, especially if you live in the GTHA:
- Instagram @TorontoJunction
- Facebook @TorontoJunction
- Twitter @TorontoJunction

I would like to make my usual promise to try to get back into the blog and post more regularly. However, if I am going to focus on bringing back habits that got lost over the summer (during my latest depressive episode) - I want to get back in shape. It is important for me to try to regularly work out. Back to the gym! (Then back to the blog!)

I Miss Him, He Is Missing Things

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A post about my Dad each Sunday, named after a song that he loved.

Lately I have been really aware of all the things that my Dad has been missing (you know, by being dead.) As usual, strange things remind me of him. Here are the things he is missing out on this summer:

- So many superhero and action movies
- Sleeping in our cool cabinet bed
- Visits with the ever growing Minns family
- Lots of free events and festivals in Toronto
- Nautical style clothes becoming cheap and being everywhere
- Helping with our many outdoor house projects
- The new Game of Thrones season
- A lot of sailing

This doesn't even get into the extremely upsetting parts, like my wedding last year, or, meeting and playing with his grandchildren. There is always so much I want to share with him. I miss his happiness and excitement (something I am planning on writing about later.)

Five Years And I Still Don't Like Coffee

Five years ago today I met Jason for the first time. We had been matched through eHarmony and quickly arranged to meet up for coffee, except I don't like coffee so I definitely had something else. I have different ways of explaining the matching process, or that first meeting, or our early days of dating. The bare fact is that we met up at the Starbucks at the corner of Bathurst and St. Clair (close to Rrunuv Bayit.) I was later told by Jason that the date was July 12. Seeing that later on we had agreed to use August 9 as the day we started a relationship, I was neither aware of or cared about remembering the specific day we met. However, each year Jason remembers this day and usually celebrates by bringing me Starbucks - but not coffee, I don't like coffee.

I can't believe that five years has gone by already. I love what we have done with this time together, I love where we are now as a couple, I love everything about him. Jason, I love you.

Maybe It Is?

My numbers are terrible!! 2 posts in May! And I didn't do very well in June either. Maybe it is my new job that is keeping me from writing posts for Always Standing. My tablet is fixed now, I have no excuse.

Not A Full Day

My big street event at work was yesterday and the whole experience is a blur. I was at the office for 3:45am on Saturday morning to meet up with the people putting out our barricades, from that point on it was constant low-level chaos. I did take a couple of short naps - hiding out on an air bed thing (featured in the photo on the right.)

The event itself went from noon to midnight but I was there until about 2:45am helping with take-down - according to Jason. At this point time had lost all meaning and I had no idea. So it turns out that I worked a 23 hour day, which is pretty insane and I feel like I have the worst hangover right now. My whole body is puffy and hurts. But I did have fun!

I think the event went well. Over the next couple of weeks there will cleaning, reviewing visitor and business surveys, having multiple debrief meetings, and generally analyzing everything to see how we can improve.

The Lost Summer

I ran across a video on Facebook called 25 Years of Summer Songs and all of them brought brief flashes of life back to me, except one. It was so strange to recognize each one, remember the song, reflect on my time during that year and then be confronted by a blank. It was jarring but I assumed it was probably an American list and that song wasn't popular here.

Then I thought about the year - 2004. I don't know if I would say it was the worst summer that I have had but it was a rough one: staying in Ottawa after my first year at Carleton in Engineering, to take summer courses. Working at a minimum wage job across the city that took over an hour and half on transit to get to. Dealing with a long distance serious relationship. Not many friends around because so many people return to their hometowns during that first university summer. However, that minimum wage job was at Extreme Pita, so that is full-time radio listening and I am surprised that the song didn't stick in my mind from that.

The song, Burn by Usher, seems to be pretty universally agreed to be the main song for the summer of 2004. While I recognize other songs from that same album, that one just isn't in my memory. I don't totally agree with all the picks each year, in 2001 I can remember Drops of Jupiter being a major summer song, but that might have just been personal experience. I might not be big on music but songs are still often a serious memory link.

Too Early For Worms

There is sun light peeking through the top of the drapes in the bedroom. IT IS FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!! The light doesn't wake me up or keep me awake (I don't need darkness to sleep) but the birds do. It is too early in the day for birds, go back to your nest beds.

I love that the days are getting longer, but hate that it also means the mornings are getting earlier.

I Do Things Too

I did mention before that Jason has been doing a lot of work around the house, but I am also trying to be involved too. A few weekends ago I dug up the Perennial plants that I already had (two Bleeding Hearts that were a birthday gift from Mom last year, and some Irises from Aunt Dan). We need to do some serious work in the yards this year and I will replant them in the Fall when I know more clearly where our gardens are going to be. I got some planters to keep on the back deck so I can look after them over the summer. I also bought more perennials (manly Hydrangeas) since I really feel like Annuals are a waste of money.

Back Deck Planter Garden

Before & After - Spring 2017

Grandma At Ipperwash

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A Sunday post about my Dad, named after a song that he loved.

I realized that I didn't talk about the black and white photographs included on the In Memoriam Page of the wedding program when I posted about it last week. Aunty Laura emailed me recently that she liked that we had included the two photos of my grandmother. It was important for me to have her on that page as well, since it was sad that she couldn't be there for our wedding.

The images are a young one showing my Grandma about to pick up my Dad as a baby and then the two of them again in the 1990s taking the Laser out. I know that the top image, with Grandma on the boat, was taken at Ipperwash, since she always vacationed with us there. We have seen that life jacket before! I believe that the other photo at the bottom of the page might have also been taken at Ipperwash, since it looks like they are at a beach and they used to go there when Dad and Aunty Laura were kids.

Fluid

Fog over everyone's eyes
The silence of morning 

Droplets join streams, always flowing
Sway and flow, move as one

Each day we turn away from the stairs
Water must be carried up hill
Smoothly, quietly
Splitting apart to join others
I watched a woman disappear
Absorbed into the heat and crowd

Is it a monster? A beast to be sated
Drinking us, eating us
Symbiotic, parasitic
The smell and warmth of its stomach
The feel of being digested
Acid in my eyes

Or is a canal more fitting?
Man-made walls containing chaos
Water moving towards a goal
Guided by sharp walls and a dictated path
More gentle to be a puddle

--- C. Sweeton 2016

45 Days

I am awake at 5am because I am somehow very aware of the fact that it is only 45 days until Jason and my wedding. Suddenly all the recent questions and concerns from friends and family - about timelines, what to wear, hotels, where to go - make sense. It isn't that far away anymore! Luckily most of our weekends are less busy now so hopefully all the remaining planning will start coming together quickly (and smoothly).

Tulips Don't Even Deserve A Day

Another thing that happens on June 21st? National Aboriginal Day. I didn't add this into the previous post about the first day of summer and my Dad's birthday. Dad didn't have a particularly nice or empathetic view of indigenous populations in Canada and/or the USA. So, I thought it best to separate the posts because my father's racism was nuanced, complex, frustrating, and confusing.

But since it somehow came to my attention today that it was National Aboriginal Day in Canada, I wanted to make a post that recognized the culture and history of this vital population group.

A long time ago I saw a comedian, Don Kelly, at an Ottawa comedy club. As an aboriginal, part of his routine riffed on his heritage, It stuck with me for years, but I remember his funniest line:

"A  black friend of mine was complaining that Black History Month is in February, the coldest month of the year, the shortest month of the year. Hey, we get National Aboriginal Day, DAY! Tulips get a fucking week." --- Don Kelly

Most people know how I feel about tulips - I am not a fan. But in contrast to that, I really like and value Canada's indigenous population. Their contributions should be celebrated nationally, and it should definitely be a longer celebration than a single day.

Changing Seasons

My dad would be turning 62 today if he was still alive. I had to check all the dates and timelines and birthdays again with my mom on the phone this evening cause I still have a hard time believing that he was only 59 when he died - though I mentioned that fact when I spoke at his funeral, my mind seems to reject it.

I always associate the summer solstice with Dad's birthday since he was born on June 21st. I actually would normally wait until the radio or TV or friends or co-workers started talking about how it was the start of summer and I would know I should call him to wish him happy birthday.

Yes, Father's Day was Sunday, and his birthday is today, and it does feel like it has been a hard few days. It was harder last year when it all landed on the same day. Another difference this year, June 21st isn't the first day of summer. Everyone was talking about it on Monday, yesterday. I didn't know it moved. So, of course, I looked it up online:

A solstice happens when the sun's zenith is at its furthest point from the equator. On the June solstice, it reaches its northernmost point and the Earth’s North Pole tilts directly towards the sun, at about 23.4 degrees. It's also known as the northern solstice because it occurs when the sun is directly over the Tropic of Cancer in the Northern Hemisphere. 

Even though most people consider June 21 as the date of the June Solstice, it can happen anytime between June 20 and June 22, depending on which time zone you're in. June 22 Solstices are rare - the last June 22 Solstice in took place in 1975 and there won't be another one until 2203. 

The varying dates of the solstice are mainly due to the calendar system – most western countries use the Gregorian calendar which has 365 days in a normal year and 366 days in a Leap Year. A tropical year, the time it takes the Earth to orbit the Sun completely, is ca. 365.242199 days, but varies slightly from year to year because of the influence of other planets. The exact orbital and daily rotational motion of the Earth, such as the “wobble” in the Earth's axis, also contributes to the changing solstice dates.

I looked at all the summer solstice dates going back almost 50 years and forward more than 30, it usually is June 21st. Besides starting summer on June 20th this year, it always was a full moon, which had everyone quite excited - since it is pretty rare to have these things line up. I didn't notice anything special - just sadness, missing my Dad.