The Reckoning - Using The Anger

Jason was very supportive in Ottawa while I was having my fitness-related emotional breakdown. I explained how I was feeling and what was happening to me as best I could. He was understanding about my desire to leave and return to Toronto, identifying it as a desire for safety and comfort - something I hadn't even figured out at the time. Before he agreed to cut the trip short, and pop in on a few of my friends in my place, to do the various item pick-ups and drop offs that were required - he posed an important question: "What are you going to do with this anger?"

I can complain about the way I look, or being out of shape, or whatever, but this was a level of distress that couldn't be ignored. He didn't want me to run away from Ottawa and ignore what happened. I also, never, ever want to feel that way again. So I vowed to use the anger, to remember it and start moving towards a higher fitness level and better relationship with my body.

The following day, Monday February 12, I started making a point of 'moving' for at least 20 minutes every day - walking on the treadmill at the gym or doing a YouTube fitness video. I also do some type of cool down each evening, either a mindfulness/meditation activity or a short bedtime yoga routine.

So far I have only missed a couple of days and even though this is a small, slow start I hope to increase and expand it. I would like to return to my previous carefree, happy relationship with my body where I don't really ever think about it.

Itinerary Update - Bit Of A Split Up

Pre-Scheduled Post: Sunday - Cape Town City Tour
As per our trip itinerary (bar any issues/changes/complications etc.) we will split up ....

Mom and Tessa will join the Winelands Tour along the country's principal wine route to the scenic towns of Paarl, Franschhoek and Stellenbosch with tastings along the way.

Kristen, Noah, Jason, and I will take a full-day excursion to "Shark Alley" to experience great white shark cage diving.

Quote Of The Day

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

- Mark Twain

How Does A Rebel Get Anything Done?

I love classifying things, including people. (Remember THIS joke?) Lately I have been thinking about the four personality types presented by Gretchen Rubin in her latest book: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel. I particularly like that there is a corresponding Venn diagram and that the types exist on a simple x-y axis.

The classification is in regards to how someone responds to rules, both those set by others and those set internally. Rubin starts to outline her theory in THIS blog post. Her definition of rules or expectations is very broad: Looking at people's response to outer rules, like laws, traffic signs, work deadlines, requests from friends, doctors' advice, and their response to inner rules, like personal resolutions, goals for self-improvement, or working on a self-generated project. Luckily she put together a QUIZ to help determine which type you might be - I didn't even have to take it to know that I am a Questioner. (I have to understand the reasoning behind an expectation, and agree with it, before I follow along.)

What confuses me though is how does the Rebel type get anything done? Basically as soon as something is a rule or expectation they become repulsed by it. Rubin does suggest that it is the smallest category. What are you?

B.R.A.T. Diet

So I fell a bit by the wayside with my big plans for lots of posting in 2017. But, in my defense, I got really sick. Like really really sick. I won't get into the graphic details but from midnight Saturday, all through Sunday and Monday and then still today, I have been unwell.

But, I love learning medical acronyms and have a new one to share!

The B.R.A.T. Diet

This is what to eat when having stomach issues because it is very bland. It gives your digestive system a chance to rest and recover. So here is what it is that I am eating:
B - Bananas
R - Rice
A - Applesauce
T - Toast
Except not really rice, since I don't like it. I have been having the occasional small bit of plan pasta instead of rice. Jason picked me up some Gatorade as well and got me his favourite 'flavour' which is 'red' and decent.

New Year's Resolutions

2017

- Eat Better (Less carbs, more vegetables!)
- Cook More (Cut done on eating out)
- Save/Make More Money (Going to need to read Gail again)
- Post Daily (Always Standing)

What are yours?

We Are All Addicted

"He now realized, the principle of progress was always at work, in acquiring of houses, possessions, cars, the drive towards higher social status, more travel, a wider circle of friends, even the production of children felt like an obligatory calling point on the mad journey; and it was inevitable, he now saw, that once there were no more things to add or improve on, no more goals to achieve or stages to pass through, the journey would seem to have run its course, and he and his wife would be beset by a great feeling of stillness after a life of too much motion, such as sailors experience when they walk on dry land after too long at sea but which to both of them signified that they were no longer in love."

--- from Outline, by Rachel Cusk

Basement Before & After - Open Up!

Since the final completion photo of this Before and After features Two, I am posting it on Caturday.

I think this is my favourite Before and After comparison, opening up the living area in the basement at Casa Verde was one of our main goals. Originally, at the bottom of the stairs was a small table and thin hallway - the rest of the space was 'wall-ed' off for the utility room and laundry machines. There was then a door (which you can see someone walking through on the right-side of the top photo) into this dark cluttered central space:

Casa Verde Basement - North Brick Column

House Inspection to Final Completion

By taking out that door and moving the utility room wall WAY over we were able to completely open up the front (north) part of the basement and provide a small living area. The bathroom door frame stayed in through the entire demolition and re-build - we then put the same door back into the frame afterwards. (All other doors in the space were replaced.)

The brick column also didn't move, since it holds up the house! But we did clean it, seal it, and paint it. If you have a keen eye you can see the three new tiles that the contractor installed for us because we knocked down a wall that had previously been part of the bathroom. (Jason and I tried to find matching tiles but we didn't quite get them right.) Also, the floor that looks like hardwood is actually a vinyl sheet, everyone really likes it. We painted using the same colours as upstairs, the living area in the basement is the same as our master bedroom upstairs.

We are so happy with the space and this is one of the best picture to show the amazing transformation.

Self-Care

I really need to practice better self-care. I keep saying it, self-care, self-care, self-care. But I haven't been following through. For me taking care of myself means ensuring the following things:
- Getting enough sleep (regularly having 9 hours a night)
- Eating well (no complex carbs like bread, pasta, or potatoes)
- Exercising three times a week (aka going to Cykl)

It is especially important to get back to spinning which I have almost stopped going to entirely. I would like to blame the fact that I have been so sick but really it has been a combination of that, working on house stuff, and just being lazy. I miss Tessa a lot, since it is the main way we get together. I also miss being able to climb a flight of stairs without losing my breath. I am going tonight!

Be Smile

I enjoy running across badly translated English. I saw the following on a website for a hotel in China:

Join us NOW!

Be surprised.

Be satisfied.

Be smile!

At work we are in the process of doing the opposite. We are getting ready to launch the Chinese version of our website, hopefully we get the translation edited properly. Ideally we will not make mistakes in Mandarin that end up reading like the section quoted above. However, I like the idea of "Be smile!" it is a good goal or life motto.

So Many Milestones!

Today was a big day! Here is the list of the three big things that happened: Rings, Keys, and Fries! As I explained a while ago, Jason and I made our wedding rings at a metal workshop. I was leaving mine there to get them to adjust the shape since I didn't want a ring-shaped ring. The chevron style is the only type that I have ever liked on my hands. I got a call this morning that the jeweler had made the adjustment and the ring was ready to be picked up. Jason came and picked me up from work and we went over to get it. I love it so much, it fits perfectly and looks great.

After picking up the ring we needed to pick up the keys to Casa Verde. We closed today on our first house - such an overwhelming thought. We then hung out at the empty house for the evening and had a locksmith switch the keys for us. This is the new set, sitting on one of the pretty antique furnace grates:

Lastly, I broke my 'french fry fast' this evening when we celebrated the new house by eating Fish and Chips from a local place. In fact the owner welcomed us to the neighbourhood and offered to lend us tools. It will be dangerous having his shop (delicious food) so close, luckily it closes at 7 on most days so we won't make it home in time to eat there. We enjoyed our dinner sitting on the floor in our new dining room!

I had vowed to not eat a french fry until my wedding in September. I made this promise in May last year and have held true until tonight - that is 10 months!! Getting the house is such a big deal that it felt worthy of a fry-having-celebration. I have returned to my vow, though intend to also break it in June this year if Rob and Andrea decide to do a poutine bar at their wedding, until then no fries for me, and after that, no fries until September 24th.

Lifestyle Challenges

I read a lot of Buzzfeed, something that I got from Nicola and Kristen. I even have the app on my phone, which I definitely got from Nicola. I decided around New Years that I would try a bunch of their "Lifestyle Challenges" this year and see if I can gradually improve some of my habits.

I am going to start slow, since I am feeling too lazy to tackle any of the getting fit ones or even the one about becoming a morning person. I signed up for the 5-Day Inbox Cleanse, which promises the following:

Only five days to a better email inbox? With our new Inbox Cleanse, you’re going to take control of your email. It’s not about getting rid of all of your email completely — it’s about optimizing your inbox to highlight important messages, improving your communication over email, and cutting down on unnecessary clutter. Each day, we’ll give you a simple tip that you can act on, improving your inbox in only 10-15 minutes a day. And the positive skills and habits you learn will help you maintain your inbox’s sanity for long after the challenge is completed. Because your inbox deserves good email, and so do you.

I am using it for my personal Yahoo Mail account, since I am pretty good at organizing and sorting my email at work. What sucks is that the daily tips and instructions (which include app suggestions) has been created to work best with Gmail, which I don't use. However my personal account currently has 977 emails sitting in its Inbox, so any help is better than nothing.

It is a daily email course, so I had to give my email address and they will send me a message each day, starting tomorrow. I will report back at the end of the week to let you know how it went.

Diet Gamechanger

I started back on The Curves Diet today. I was still pretty much following it, except for over the holidays and in Peru, but I wasn't writing things down. With tracking/planning my meals and snacks I am better at sticking to small portions and healthy food.

The main breakfast on this diet has always been cottage cheese for me. Because I was feeling lazy, I decided I would bring some 'on-the-go' style cups to work so I can just eat one of those each morning. Normally I would portion out a big tub myself daily, or prep my own small tupperware, but as I mentioned - lazy.

When I went to pick up the normal 1% cottage cheese four-pack of small portions, I noticed a different type was available as well. Nordica Smooth, Lemon flavoured cottage cheese. I picked up a 4-pack of that too since it sounded interesting.

I tried the smooth lemon cottage cheese thing this morning and WOW! It is thicker than yogurt and tastes amazing. It is like a little lemon cheesecake treat. They have caramel and vanilla versions as well, according to the website, though I didn't see them at my grocery store. I don't even want to eat the 4 normal ones that I got, this smooth stuff is so delicious.

In comparison, the normal plain 1% on-the-go cottage cheese is 90 calories, 5g of sugar, and 14g of protein (the high protein is why it is an important part of The Curves Diet.) For a much more enjoyable little tub of the lemon stuff (and I really like normal cottage cheese on its own, it isn't a problem to eat for me at all), I feel like the nutritional difference is fairly minor; 110 calories, 12g of sugar, and 10g of protein.

Serious gamechanger!

Peru Pic - Maybe Teri's Favourite

When we were hanging out last night, Teri stated that this photo from my SLR was her favourite, but then changed her mind a few more times as we were going through my trip pictures.

Sayaqmarka 

Archaeological site on the Inca Trail

Cusco Region, Peru - January 4, 2016

Photo by Me

I am choosing to post it, instead of the others she mentioned, because it symbolizes a rare 'once in a lifetime' moment for me. I am having a hard time thinking of another time that I ever thought to myself, "This is it. I am never going to see/do this again."

The 'again sometime' attitude for travel means that I never feel rushed or pressured to see everything because I plan to be back in the future. Even when I was on the Trans-Siberian Express, I was thinking to myself that I would do that train ride again. I still hope that I get to go and see everything in reverse, in the winter.

However, I am not going to do the Inca Trail again. I want to return to Peru, I want to see Machu Picchu again when I am not tired, and I would even enjoy doing more trekking. But this specific 4-day hike was really a one time thing. (An amazing, incredible, absolutely thrilling one time thing that I am so happy to have experienced.)

So, we saw this site on the third day of the trek, which was the best day. The photo is taken after climbing over Runkuracay Pass, the second, and last, major mountain on the hike. We had slept the night before at 3,350m elevation, only to wake up and climb to 3,975m to get over the final huge mountain pass. The ruins are around 300m in elevation below me, and about 2km hiking away.

The thing is, to visit them, you need to walk up 100 steps through its only entrance to explore and then walk back down the same way. So, at the point in time when I am taking this photo I was seriously considering not bothering making the climb to see it and just stay resting on the trail below.

However, I didn't want to miss out, so by the time I hiked there, I had made the decision that I would climb up. In fact I counted 98 steps up and 97 steps down so it really depends on what rocks you consider steps to get a count of 100. You can see the stairs against the cliff below the left side of the ruins in the picture. The hike was once in a lifetime, I tried to experience it all to the fullest.

Failed Again

So, it seems like every year I make a goal to post every day on Always Standing; then the year finishes and the numbers don't add up to that magical 365. Of course, 2015 was no exception - I only did 242 posts, less than the year before. However, that still means that I was writing on about two thirds of the days last year and it is a fairly high number when you review my history (check out the Blog Archive on the left.) Of course I have the goal again for 2016, let's see if this time I can do it.

Casa Verde - Our New Home

Happy New Year! I wanted to start 2016 off with a big announcement – Jason and I bought a house!!! We are very excited and it was a grueling process, the Toronto housing market is insane. I was frequently upset and stressed during 2015, especially the past few months, dealing with the overwhelming task of trying to buy a house in Toronto; giving up and looking at places in the general GTA or even further away kept looking like a tempting option (though the market anywhere that is considered commutable to Toronto is pretty rough.) I am glad that we stuck with our goal to stay in The City. We have found a place that we are very happy with.

We were able to buy a detached 3 bedroom house in the Mount Dennis area. It has been named Casa Verde, which roughly translates to Green House in Spanish (the second most common language spoken in the area.) Right now old windows and lack of insulation mean that the house isn't very energy efficient and it is our goal to work towards making it a more eco-friendly property. Jason and I are also very 'green' when it comes to home owning.

There are a lot of renovations to be done, so even though we take possession in mid-March we probably won't be moving in until a few weeks after that. I can't wait to start posting fun Before and After shots of the renovations and decorating.

See You In 2016

Stay tuned in the NEW YEAR for more Always Standing posts and great content. I am taking a break for now, as I am sure you noticed, but please come back first thing in January.

2 Months - 5 Pounds

I mentioned back in June that I was starting the Curves Diet again. I hope that combining that with spinning will help me lose weight. It is working, but an an insanely slow pace!

At the end of June I bought a fancy scale that could measure body fat and muscle mass as well as weight. I think it could also tell me my BMI but I find that BMI is a problematic measurement, since it is completely tied to weight. Muscle weighs more than fat, it is much better to have muscles and less fat, just looking at weight is missing some key results of the difficult lifestyle changes I am making. I much prefer to monitor my body fat percentage and try to lower that number, while also watching my muscle mass percentage, trying to raise that one.

So, in the two months (June 26 to August 28) that I have had the scale and been tracking (each Friday morning) my body's reaction to eating healthier and exercising more I have noted the following changes:

Lost 5 pounds
Lost 1.5% body fat
Gained 0.5% muscle mass

The time period includes my trip with Teri for two weeks along the west coast of the USA. The numbers are moving in the right direction but it is not going as quickly as I would like.

Stay Tuned

Watch for daily Always Standing posts to return in a few days. Check back on Monday July 20, when I will be back on track and writing often.

A Solid Score

I did a GMAT prep test this weekend. I would like to get an MBA at some point but am not in any rush because of the time, work, and cost involved. However, both Maria and Natasha are planning on writing the GMAT this summer to apply for their Business Masters. I figured it would be nice to have some company when studying and the scores last for 5 years. The fake test helps give a sense of my starting point - I went in pretty much blind. I knew what type of questions to expect but hadn't studied at all.

My score was 620, which is pretty decent. This is in the 69th percentile. With just that score I would have no issue getting into most of the Canadian schools. However, it isn't quite high enough for the elite programs and it isn't good enough for scholarship options, which I will need because an MBA is expensive. Here is what the test is like and how my score broke down:

Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA) - 30 Minutes - 1 Topic
Scored out of 6, not scored on the practice test.
This is an essay.

Integrated Reasoning (IR) - 30 Minutes - 12 Questions
Scored: 4/8
Percentile: 37
Types of questions: Multi-Source Reasoning, Graphics Interpretation, Two-Part Analysis, Table Analysis

Quantitative - 75 Minutes - 37 Questions
Scored: 36/60
Percentile: 40
Types of questions: Data Sufficiency, Problem Solving

Verbal - 75 Minutes - 41 Questions
Scored: 40/60
Percentile: 90
Types of questions: Reading Comprehension, Critical Reasoning, Sentence Correction

I know that I can do much better on the Quantitative (or Math) section. I knew how to figure out pretty much all of the problems but without studying, I didn't have the tools needed (like the formula for the area of a circle, or different shortcuts you can make with exponent equations). I am glad that I will be able to improve this because the main score is out of 800 and is calculated only from the last two sections. The IR is really really hard. I don't know if they send that score separately and if they do how much it matters to admissions.