Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, 26 November 2019
Great Love Song
Watch the clip above, or go check it out on YouTube. If you don't have sound then at least read the lyrics. Afterwards, see my thoughts in the comments section of this post.
Monday, 25 November 2019
Lush Bath Melt Review
ERin and I recently did a trade. I had a facemask kit that I bought a few years ago and never found the right person to give it to and never used it myself - she needed something for a secret Santa thing. Then she remembered that I like to take baths, and she had received some bath stuff over the years that she didn't think she would use - which I was excited to have. She gave me a couple of bath bombs and a "bath melt" from Lush yesterday.
This morning I dropped the bath melt into the tub as it was filling up and the result can be summed up as basically disastrous. Mid-bath, I had to look up on the Lush website what even was a bath melt and was I using it correctly, and I was, but they are called bath oils even though they are in solid shapes. Then I looked up tips from the official Lush YouTube channel on this product and it still said that I should be using the full thing. But I gave up, and pulled the last third of it out of the water and put it beside the tub to use next time. (Yes I will use it again, maybe the smaller amount will improve things.)
According to Lush:
When it comes to bathtime luxury, there's no holding back. Our bath oils deliver an enchanting experience for those times when you truly want to transform your body and mind. Decadent butters and loads of essential oils melt into the water, then into your skin for a supremely softening and scented utopia. These little confections nourish your skin with moisturizing butters and softening oils to counteract the drying effects of a hot bath.
1. Run your bathwater making sure it’s just how you like it
2. Drop your bath oil into the bath and its oils and butters will melt to soften your water and skin.
3. Be careful when you’re getting out of a bath with one of these, because they can make your tub a bit slippery.
So, I am glad that they call them oils, and not melts, but they are really really greasy. I had to use shampoo to clean off my hands before looking up the stuff on my phone. The main issue was the sparkles, I have always thought of glitter as the herpes of craft supplies and the same applies to the body/beauty kind. It was a bit exfoliating and gritty but it also doesn't wash off! I am covered in gold sparkles, and I mean COVERED! I don't even know how you would achieve this look for a costume (say if you were wanting to be a shimmery sea monster or 1990's porn star for Halloween) apart from a professional makeup artist. I have a very even coat of teeny tiny gold sparkles, everywhere. When I videocalled ERin, to explain that this gift given to her might have been some type of sabotage, she thought I was still wet from the shower. Nope, just covered in sparkles, I was bone dry.
Also, the warning at the end of the Lush instructions it true, it is so oily that getting out of the bathtub is downright dangerous, I was worried I might die. The rest of my day will be spent trying to clean the gunk out of the tub before Jason needs to shower tomorrow morning, I am guessing this will take multiple attempts. Don't even want to think about what the glittery, greasy, goo is going to do to the pipes.
At the moment though, my skin is very soft. It is hydrating, and I feel great, except for itchy nipples from the sparkles. I will finish up the last bit of it, I do love how smooth my hands and feet feel.
This morning I dropped the bath melt into the tub as it was filling up and the result can be summed up as basically disastrous. Mid-bath, I had to look up on the Lush website what even was a bath melt and was I using it correctly, and I was, but they are called bath oils even though they are in solid shapes. Then I looked up tips from the official Lush YouTube channel on this product and it still said that I should be using the full thing. But I gave up, and pulled the last third of it out of the water and put it beside the tub to use next time. (Yes I will use it again, maybe the smaller amount will improve things.)
According to Lush:
When it comes to bathtime luxury, there's no holding back. Our bath oils deliver an enchanting experience for those times when you truly want to transform your body and mind. Decadent butters and loads of essential oils melt into the water, then into your skin for a supremely softening and scented utopia. These little confections nourish your skin with moisturizing butters and softening oils to counteract the drying effects of a hot bath.
1. Run your bathwater making sure it’s just how you like it
2. Drop your bath oil into the bath and its oils and butters will melt to soften your water and skin.
3. Be careful when you’re getting out of a bath with one of these, because they can make your tub a bit slippery.
So, I am glad that they call them oils, and not melts, but they are really really greasy. I had to use shampoo to clean off my hands before looking up the stuff on my phone. The main issue was the sparkles, I have always thought of glitter as the herpes of craft supplies and the same applies to the body/beauty kind. It was a bit exfoliating and gritty but it also doesn't wash off! I am covered in gold sparkles, and I mean COVERED! I don't even know how you would achieve this look for a costume (say if you were wanting to be a shimmery sea monster or 1990's porn star for Halloween) apart from a professional makeup artist. I have a very even coat of teeny tiny gold sparkles, everywhere. When I videocalled ERin, to explain that this gift given to her might have been some type of sabotage, she thought I was still wet from the shower. Nope, just covered in sparkles, I was bone dry.
Also, the warning at the end of the Lush instructions it true, it is so oily that getting out of the bathtub is downright dangerous, I was worried I might die. The rest of my day will be spent trying to clean the gunk out of the tub before Jason needs to shower tomorrow morning, I am guessing this will take multiple attempts. Don't even want to think about what the glittery, greasy, goo is going to do to the pipes.
At the moment though, my skin is very soft. It is hydrating, and I feel great, except for itchy nipples from the sparkles. I will finish up the last bit of it, I do love how smooth my hands and feet feel.
Sunday, 7 October 2018
Salem In October
Yesterday we went to Salem, which is just north of Boston. (It is actually on their commuter rail system it is so close, but we drove.) The town is really busy in October and was so beautiful. I definitely want to go back. The historic homes are incredible, they have houses dating back to the 1600s. There was a lot that we didn't get to see, just being there for a day. It is a harbor town and we didn't even make it down to the waterfront area. We were mainly there to learn more about The Salem Witch Trials.
If you don't know about this strange point in American history, I really suggest you look it up. The Wikipedia entry linked above gives a decent overview but I am sure there are other sites as well. Both Kristen and I consider this a common knowledge point but there are so many historic events in the USA it seems it isn't as known about as I had assumed. There is also a lot of miss information, and the Salem Trials get confused with facts from those that occurred in Europe.
Here are some things I was surprised about:
- Not as many deaths as I had thought, they 'only' executed twenty people
- Trials are well documented, there are surviving transcripts from witness interviews
- They relied on spectral evidence, which was a thing
- It all ended when the Governor's wife got accused
- They didn't 'test' the women in water, might have been a European thing
- Starts with accusations from afflicted children
- Along with sexism issues, racism was a factor too
If you don't know about this strange point in American history, I really suggest you look it up. The Wikipedia entry linked above gives a decent overview but I am sure there are other sites as well. Both Kristen and I consider this a common knowledge point but there are so many historic events in the USA it seems it isn't as known about as I had assumed. There is also a lot of miss information, and the Salem Trials get confused with facts from those that occurred in Europe.
Here are some things I was surprised about:
- Not as many deaths as I had thought, they 'only' executed twenty people
- Trials are well documented, there are surviving transcripts from witness interviews
- They relied on spectral evidence, which was a thing
- It all ended when the Governor's wife got accused
- They didn't 'test' the women in water, might have been a European thing
- Starts with accusations from afflicted children
- Along with sexism issues, racism was a factor too
Tuesday, 29 May 2018
Motherhood - Epidural
Excerpts from New York Times article 'Get the Epidural' by Jessi Klein
No one ever asks a man if he’s having a “natural root canal.” No one ever asks if a man is having a “natural vasectomy.”
“What are you trying to win?” What was I trying to win? I thought about it and realized — nothing. There’s nothing to win.
“There is science showing all the risks of an epidural!” Well, again, I am not a doctor, but I do have the internet.
There are so many debates in this life in which there is some evidence of one thing and also some evidence of the other. At such a point, you just have to decide to believe in and do what is best for you. So here’s a radical idea: Why not do the thing that makes you happy?
There is so much pressure on women around birth and labor and mothering to do it this way or that way. It’s so easy to believe the notion that having a baby demands complete and total self-abnegation, and anything short of that is not enough.
If you’re worried that skipping the pain of childbirth means you’re somehow cheating your baby, or yourself, you’re not. Because the truth is, life offers more than enough pain that you will not be able to skip.
Yup, give me the epidural! There has never been any question in my mind, if I am ever giving birth I will be getting the epidural and any other pain killers/drugs they can throw my way. I like modern medicine - I like making pain go away.
I have heard the positives from the other side, friends and acquaintances that wanted/tried/had a drug-less birth or some variation. For the most part their reasons made sense. Rarely are these people conspiracy-theory hippies, or self-flagellating mommy-martyrs, though sometimes. For the vast majority they made (or tired/planned to make) a personal choice based on what was important to them.
What is great from all my conversations on the topic is that this seems to be very much a personal choice and an understanding that there are reasons to make the decision either way. Some pregnancy or parenting subjects have strong reactions, judgement, and opinions about right/wrong, unlike what the article suggests, I don't get the feeling that the choice to get an epidural is one of those.
Those who have been through it: Please share in the comments if leading up to birth, during, or afterwards friends, family or event strangers were sharing strong hurtful opinions about your choice to have or decline an epidural?
I am inclined to say, and have said, to someone planning on forgoing an epidural, "Are you crazy? What about the pain? I would totally get all the drugs!" Which I hope isn't viewed as hurtful, it is the same response I would give someone who is suffering through a headache and not taking an Advil. It is an expression of awe at someone else' pain tolerance and not a judgement about the choice they are making for their body.
In my experience, the most common reason against getting an epidural has been the ability to walk afterwards instead of waiting until the drugs wear off, and with that a faster departure from the hospital. Personally I love hospitals so that reason doesn't apply to me. Also I just absolutely hate pain, I used to take Tylenao 3s (from my high-school wisdom teeth removal) to get my legs waxed. Hit me up with the drugs! But you do you.
No one ever asks a man if he’s having a “natural root canal.” No one ever asks if a man is having a “natural vasectomy.”
“What are you trying to win?” What was I trying to win? I thought about it and realized — nothing. There’s nothing to win.
“There is science showing all the risks of an epidural!” Well, again, I am not a doctor, but I do have the internet.
There are so many debates in this life in which there is some evidence of one thing and also some evidence of the other. At such a point, you just have to decide to believe in and do what is best for you. So here’s a radical idea: Why not do the thing that makes you happy?
There is so much pressure on women around birth and labor and mothering to do it this way or that way. It’s so easy to believe the notion that having a baby demands complete and total self-abnegation, and anything short of that is not enough.
If you’re worried that skipping the pain of childbirth means you’re somehow cheating your baby, or yourself, you’re not. Because the truth is, life offers more than enough pain that you will not be able to skip.
Yup, give me the epidural! There has never been any question in my mind, if I am ever giving birth I will be getting the epidural and any other pain killers/drugs they can throw my way. I like modern medicine - I like making pain go away.
I have heard the positives from the other side, friends and acquaintances that wanted/tried/had a drug-less birth or some variation. For the most part their reasons made sense. Rarely are these people conspiracy-theory hippies, or self-flagellating mommy-martyrs, though sometimes. For the vast majority they made (or tired/planned to make) a personal choice based on what was important to them.
What is great from all my conversations on the topic is that this seems to be very much a personal choice and an understanding that there are reasons to make the decision either way. Some pregnancy or parenting subjects have strong reactions, judgement, and opinions about right/wrong, unlike what the article suggests, I don't get the feeling that the choice to get an epidural is one of those.
Those who have been through it: Please share in the comments if leading up to birth, during, or afterwards friends, family or event strangers were sharing strong hurtful opinions about your choice to have or decline an epidural?
I am inclined to say, and have said, to someone planning on forgoing an epidural, "Are you crazy? What about the pain? I would totally get all the drugs!" Which I hope isn't viewed as hurtful, it is the same response I would give someone who is suffering through a headache and not taking an Advil. It is an expression of awe at someone else' pain tolerance and not a judgement about the choice they are making for their body.
In my experience, the most common reason against getting an epidural has been the ability to walk afterwards instead of waiting until the drugs wear off, and with that a faster departure from the hospital. Personally I love hospitals so that reason doesn't apply to me. Also I just absolutely hate pain, I used to take Tylenao 3s (from my high-school wisdom teeth removal) to get my legs waxed. Hit me up with the drugs! But you do you.
Saturday, 28 April 2018
Doctor Numbers
Flying home today and I still keep thinking about the intercom call for a doctor that happened on our flight down. It seems like such a strange policy. And for sure it is some type of policy because airlines have procedures for everything. I decided I wanted to look at the numbers:
Cooling My Feminist Jets
So, I had been very happy/surprised that it was a female doctor answering the call. Turns out, not that rare. There is probably still a wage gap, and possibly still a 'senior position' gap, but the gender gap for Canadian doctors has shrunk considerably. 41% are female; 59% are male. Two thirds (64%) of family physicians under age 35 are female.
What About Specialists
Almost half of the over 83,000 Canadian doctors are specialists of other disciples, instead of Family Medicine. Students in medical school in Canada will experience many fields of medicine and decide on their specialty during 3rd or 4th year. After that choice, residency training can be anywhere from 2 years (Family Medicine) to 6 years (Neurosurgery). Most specialties are a 5 year program. So they have the medical base, but a specialist can really be pretty specialized, and there are 37 specialties available in Canada. Would a urologist be that much help to someone who fainted in a plane?
Seems Like A Long Shot
Based on the total population of Canada there is only about 1 doctor for every 500 people. The plane we were in seats 100. That is a 0.2% chance there would be a doctor on board. When looking at people who fly, mainly those who can afford to fly, than doctors would be more likely to be on board a plane while the general population less so - this increases the chance. Often planes would be larger than the jet we were one, increasing the passengers to maybe 200. Huge planes can have more than 600 seats (in a two-tiered class configuration. Actually 800 in single-class, but I have never seen that.) I still don't like the odds, or many I don't like the fact that they are relying on odds.
Improve Your Odds
If they had asked "Is there a doctor or nurse on board" that would really improve the chances of a generally trained health care professional. There are lots of different types of nurses, including those in advance nursing practice, like nurse practitioners and clinical nurse specialists. There are 4 times as many nurses as doctors in Canada.
Source information:
Look at me citing things like a good girl who went to university and grad school!
- Canadian Institute For Health Information
- The Canadian Medical Association
- University of British Columbia Medical School
- AirBus Corporate Site, Aviation Blogs
Further Reading:
I am like my own Wikipedia article here. If you found this as fascinating as me, the likelihood of that might be small, then these are some interesting international articles on the same topic:
- July 2017 - ABC News (Australia) - Is there a doctor on board? What happens during a mid-air medical emergency
- March 2017 - The Telegraph (UK) - What really happens during a medical emergency at 35,000 feet
- January 2017 - Singapore Medical Journal - What to do during inflight medical emergencies? Practice pointers from a medical ethicist and an aviation medicine specialist
- April 2013 - Quartz (USA) - What it’s like to be the “doctor on board”, and why airlines shouldn’t be relying on them
Cooling My Feminist Jets
So, I had been very happy/surprised that it was a female doctor answering the call. Turns out, not that rare. There is probably still a wage gap, and possibly still a 'senior position' gap, but the gender gap for Canadian doctors has shrunk considerably. 41% are female; 59% are male. Two thirds (64%) of family physicians under age 35 are female.
What About Specialists
Almost half of the over 83,000 Canadian doctors are specialists of other disciples, instead of Family Medicine. Students in medical school in Canada will experience many fields of medicine and decide on their specialty during 3rd or 4th year. After that choice, residency training can be anywhere from 2 years (Family Medicine) to 6 years (Neurosurgery). Most specialties are a 5 year program. So they have the medical base, but a specialist can really be pretty specialized, and there are 37 specialties available in Canada. Would a urologist be that much help to someone who fainted in a plane?
Seems Like A Long Shot
Based on the total population of Canada there is only about 1 doctor for every 500 people. The plane we were in seats 100. That is a 0.2% chance there would be a doctor on board. When looking at people who fly, mainly those who can afford to fly, than doctors would be more likely to be on board a plane while the general population less so - this increases the chance. Often planes would be larger than the jet we were one, increasing the passengers to maybe 200. Huge planes can have more than 600 seats (in a two-tiered class configuration. Actually 800 in single-class, but I have never seen that.) I still don't like the odds, or many I don't like the fact that they are relying on odds.
Improve Your Odds
If they had asked "Is there a doctor or nurse on board" that would really improve the chances of a generally trained health care professional. There are lots of different types of nurses, including those in advance nursing practice, like nurse practitioners and clinical nurse specialists. There are 4 times as many nurses as doctors in Canada.
Source information:
Look at me citing things like a good girl who went to university and grad school!
- Canadian Institute For Health Information
- The Canadian Medical Association
- University of British Columbia Medical School
- AirBus Corporate Site, Aviation Blogs
Further Reading:
I am like my own Wikipedia article here. If you found this as fascinating as me, the likelihood of that might be small, then these are some interesting international articles on the same topic:
- July 2017 - ABC News (Australia) - Is there a doctor on board? What happens during a mid-air medical emergency
- March 2017 - The Telegraph (UK) - What really happens during a medical emergency at 35,000 feet
- January 2017 - Singapore Medical Journal - What to do during inflight medical emergencies? Practice pointers from a medical ethicist and an aviation medicine specialist
- April 2013 - Quartz (USA) - What it’s like to be the “doctor on board”, and why airlines shouldn’t be relying on them
Monday, 26 February 2018
The Reckoning - Fitness
I went to Ottawa a couple of weeks ago and in the middle of my visit had a pretty sizable emotional breakdown. It wasn't depression based, instead it was about my body. I try to be open about my struggles with mental illness, but I am less open about my relationship with my body - its appearance, fitness level, weight, etc. Part of my reason for this is that I just don't think about it very much and the other part is that I have a different relationship than is usually depicted, or that I see from friends and family.
I am fine with how my body is/looks as long as...
- I am still fun, aka I am not holding others back from having a good time
I am often the slowest person on a hike or the last to finish a run. But I can still participate, I join in and enjoy various activities with my friends and family. This is very important to me and every time that Jason and I don't make it to the top of a mountain because we run out of time - my heart breaks and I hate myself and my body. This might seem like a very specific item but it has happened a number of times and it always makes me feel pretty awful about myself.
In Ottawa I felt the same way but at a magnitude never experienced before. Jason and I went to go skating on the canal and after doing up my skates I was unable to actually skate. I am not a good skater but I have never had issues doing it before. Even holding my body in position to skate was painful and the actual motion was exhausting - I was panting and sweating.
It was humiliating. I was devastated. After returning to the bench and taking off my skates, we went right to the car - I couldn't stop crying. To have my fitness level that low made me so angry at myself. I have never experienced these types of feelings about myself and body in this way. Instead of staying for the rest of the weekend in Ottawa, I decided to go home early. It was truly a shattering experience.
I couldn't imagine continuing to stay in Ottawa that weekend while feeling that awful - and I didn't feel comfortable disclosing to all the people I planned to visit that I was so upset because I felt like a useless disgusting fat worthless pile of crap. It isn't nice to hang out with people when upset, but I have done it during depressive episodes before. This was different and I am less comfortable with the realities of the situation. My friends were understanding and, while I still don't like talking about this, I decided to start writing about it to explain a bit to those who were there. This also allows me to share a bit of what is going on with me right now with others.
I am fine with how my body is/looks as long as...
- I am still fun, aka I am not holding others back from having a good time
I am often the slowest person on a hike or the last to finish a run. But I can still participate, I join in and enjoy various activities with my friends and family. This is very important to me and every time that Jason and I don't make it to the top of a mountain because we run out of time - my heart breaks and I hate myself and my body. This might seem like a very specific item but it has happened a number of times and it always makes me feel pretty awful about myself.
In Ottawa I felt the same way but at a magnitude never experienced before. Jason and I went to go skating on the canal and after doing up my skates I was unable to actually skate. I am not a good skater but I have never had issues doing it before. Even holding my body in position to skate was painful and the actual motion was exhausting - I was panting and sweating.
It was humiliating. I was devastated. After returning to the bench and taking off my skates, we went right to the car - I couldn't stop crying. To have my fitness level that low made me so angry at myself. I have never experienced these types of feelings about myself and body in this way. Instead of staying for the rest of the weekend in Ottawa, I decided to go home early. It was truly a shattering experience.
I couldn't imagine continuing to stay in Ottawa that weekend while feeling that awful - and I didn't feel comfortable disclosing to all the people I planned to visit that I was so upset because I felt like a useless disgusting fat worthless pile of crap. It isn't nice to hang out with people when upset, but I have done it during depressive episodes before. This was different and I am less comfortable with the realities of the situation. My friends were understanding and, while I still don't like talking about this, I decided to start writing about it to explain a bit to those who were there. This also allows me to share a bit of what is going on with me right now with others.
Wednesday, 10 January 2018
Overwhelmed With Emotion
Technically our first safari was last nights river cruise,where we saw tons of hippos. But this morning was our first game drive. I have no words to describe the experience but I will try.
I felt very amazed during the boat cruise watching all the pods of hippos in the water. It was a surreal feeling, definitely a 'wow, we are in Africa moment.' Also a very big eye opener - that for large animals, zoos are not even close to recreating their environments in a meaningful way. We also saw crocodiles and monkeys. It was nice that the guide made a point of pointing out the different birds to us too, without Mom having to ask. I am sure her blog will feature the eagle and kite we saw soon, though her camera wasn't working so Jason was in charge of taking the photos. I was very content using our little travel binoculars.
We continued this for the game drive today - Jason with the camera and me with binocs. I am surprised that I am not more into the photography but I like to grab a few shots on my phone and then just watch the animals - they are truly mesmerizing. Right from the first sighting it was like a shot to the heart. I was moved to tears on numerous occasions from the awe of these amazing animals.
The zebra look so different than expected when viewing them up close in the wild, the elephant was beyond impressive, seeing monkeys play or the various 'deer-like' species, at each new spot I could have stayed and watched all day. It was a beautiful and overwhelming three hours, and I can't wait for our next one in two days time. Already trying to figure out how to fit more drives in before we have to head home.
I felt very amazed during the boat cruise watching all the pods of hippos in the water. It was a surreal feeling, definitely a 'wow, we are in Africa moment.' Also a very big eye opener - that for large animals, zoos are not even close to recreating their environments in a meaningful way. We also saw crocodiles and monkeys. It was nice that the guide made a point of pointing out the different birds to us too, without Mom having to ask. I am sure her blog will feature the eagle and kite we saw soon, though her camera wasn't working so Jason was in charge of taking the photos. I was very content using our little travel binoculars.
We continued this for the game drive today - Jason with the camera and me with binocs. I am surprised that I am not more into the photography but I like to grab a few shots on my phone and then just watch the animals - they are truly mesmerizing. Right from the first sighting it was like a shot to the heart. I was moved to tears on numerous occasions from the awe of these amazing animals.
From my phone!!!
The zebra look so different than expected when viewing them up close in the wild, the elephant was beyond impressive, seeing monkeys play or the various 'deer-like' species, at each new spot I could have stayed and watched all day. It was a beautiful and overwhelming three hours, and I can't wait for our next one in two days time. Already trying to figure out how to fit more drives in before we have to head home.
Monday, 20 November 2017
Money Thoughts - The Article
At what point would a person or family cross the threshold into 'rich' and then, what should they do about it? For the last couple of months I have been struggling with the idea of class and wealth, the ever expanding middle-class needs to stop expanding. You can't be 'upper-middle class' forever, people need to acknowledge their wealth and whether that wealth is necessary, or how much of it is.
This crisis of heart came from the perfect storm of promotions for Jason, more inheritance for myself, and the comfort that comes from owning a house in an ever increasing real estate market. These are all things that seem positive (until you consider the heartbreaking realities of death that bring inheritance, and the annoying fact that home ownership is expensive and challenging.) Also with these windfalls came the publication of an article in The New York Times, "What the Rich Won't Tell You" by Rachel Sherman.
This article is haunting me. It isn't long so I suggest clicking the link above and reading the whole thing, but here are some interesting quotes:
...how economic inequality is hidden, justified and maintained in American life. Keeping silent about social class, a norm that goes far beyond the affluent, can make Americans feel that class doesn’t, or shouldn’t, matter.
... hide the privilege... wealthy people manage their discomfort with inequality, which in turn makes that inequality impossible to talk honestly about — or to change.
... must appear to be worthy of their privilege for that privilege to be seen as legitimate. Being worthy means working hard... also means spending money wisely.
... never bragged about the price of something because it was high; instead, they enthusiastically recounted snagging bargains ... critiqued other wealthy people’s expenditures, especially ostentatious ones...
... not mentioning money... follow a seemingly neutral social norm that frowns on such talk... one of the ways in which privileged people can obscure both their advantages and their conflicts about these advantages.
... widespread judgments of the individual behaviors of wealthy people as morally meritorious or not... such judgments distract us from any possibility of thinking about redistribution.
... talk not about the moral worth of individuals but about the moral worth of particular social arrangements.
What are your thoughts? I will continue to explore these issues on Always Standing, as I have often discussed financial issues and ideas over the years.
Looking for something a bit lighter, or disturbingly amusing? Check out the article from Toronto Life about a couple who buys and renovates a mansion in Parkdale in an incredible display of extreme lack of self-awareness when it comes to wealth and privilege. Follow that up with the hilarious Crowd Funding response.
This crisis of heart came from the perfect storm of promotions for Jason, more inheritance for myself, and the comfort that comes from owning a house in an ever increasing real estate market. These are all things that seem positive (until you consider the heartbreaking realities of death that bring inheritance, and the annoying fact that home ownership is expensive and challenging.) Also with these windfalls came the publication of an article in The New York Times, "What the Rich Won't Tell You" by Rachel Sherman.
This article is haunting me. It isn't long so I suggest clicking the link above and reading the whole thing, but here are some interesting quotes:
...how economic inequality is hidden, justified and maintained in American life. Keeping silent about social class, a norm that goes far beyond the affluent, can make Americans feel that class doesn’t, or shouldn’t, matter.
... hide the privilege... wealthy people manage their discomfort with inequality, which in turn makes that inequality impossible to talk honestly about — or to change.
... must appear to be worthy of their privilege for that privilege to be seen as legitimate. Being worthy means working hard... also means spending money wisely.
... never bragged about the price of something because it was high; instead, they enthusiastically recounted snagging bargains ... critiqued other wealthy people’s expenditures, especially ostentatious ones...
... not mentioning money... follow a seemingly neutral social norm that frowns on such talk... one of the ways in which privileged people can obscure both their advantages and their conflicts about these advantages.
... widespread judgments of the individual behaviors of wealthy people as morally meritorious or not... such judgments distract us from any possibility of thinking about redistribution.
... talk not about the moral worth of individuals but about the moral worth of particular social arrangements.
What are your thoughts? I will continue to explore these issues on Always Standing, as I have often discussed financial issues and ideas over the years.
Looking for something a bit lighter, or disturbingly amusing? Check out the article from Toronto Life about a couple who buys and renovates a mansion in Parkdale in an incredible display of extreme lack of self-awareness when it comes to wealth and privilege. Follow that up with the hilarious Crowd Funding response.
Thursday, 7 September 2017
Tuesday, 8 August 2017
Basically Fifth Element
I have wanted to go see Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets since I found out that it was written and directed by the same person who did The Fifth Element. Also, whenever a science-fiction movie trailer shows up I get excited, then often realize it is going to be a scary one and I won't end up seeing it - this looked different though.
I love The Fifth Element, it is one of my favourite movies, I have mentioned it more than once. It was pretty exciting to hear that Valerian was given a positive review by my preferred movie critics on What The Flick? However, I actually gasped while watching the review when one the critics said they didn't like The Fifth Element. WHAT?!
Jason and I went to see Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets yesterday afternoon - so enjoyable. However, basically it was an upgraded, updated Fifth Element, which I think is fine, it is 20 years later - we can use another one. Both movies are great, I love this pop-style of fun action sci-fi. Here is my comparison:
PLOT
- Fifth: Basic.
- Valerian: Slightly better.
PACE
- Fifth: Fast but can be clunky, has a slow bit or two.
- Valerian: Speedy and sleek. I might re-evaluate this on a second viewing though.
DIALOGUE
- Fifth: Bad. (However, there are at least some memorable quotes - "Mul-ti-pass, multi-pass.")
- Valerian: Also bad, possibly worse.
BACK STORY/CHARACTER HISTORY
- Fifth: Provided, on a fairly simple level.
- Valerian: Missing.
CASTING
- Fifth: Strange. The age difference between Leeloo and Korben Dallas is pretty big, but really you can do no wrong with Bruce Willis
- Valerian: Badly done. Dane DeHaan was a poor choice. Spent the whole movie thinking how much better it would have been with a different person playing Valerian.
ACTING
- Fifth: Fine. Milla Jovovich is excellent, Bruce Willis doesn't really win a lot of Academy Awards for a reason but he is solid in this role. Supporting cast does well.
- Valerian: Not good. I liked how Cara Delevingne played Laureline. Dane DeHaan doesn't work, this character (in the comics) literally inspired Han Solo and I wasn't feeling that. Supporting cast is a bit weak.
WORLD BUILDING
- Fifth: Very cool.
- Valerian: Absolutely epic.
TINY SCI-FI DETAILS
- Fifth: Great, it is part of what makes it an amazing movie.
- Valerian: Incredible.
THE ARTIST
- Fifth: Diva Plavalaguna, an opera singer played by Maiwenn/Inva Mula
- Valerian: Bubbles, a shape shifting stripper played by Rihanna
- Note: The artists assist with the mission/plot in both movies, and also die in both movies, in the arms of the main male hero.
THE ANNOYING ONE
- Fifth: Chris Tucker as Ruby Rhod, the original.
- Valerian: Missing, but you can tell they tried to reproduce it a few times, with the market guide or with Ethan Hawke (very enjoyable) as Jolly the Pimp.
THE GOVERNMENT LEADER
- Fifth: Great character. Tommy 'Tiny' Lister as President Lindberg is believable, well acted, and funny.
- Valerian: Not great. Herbie Hancock as the Defense Minister doesn't get much to do and you can't see him well on the hologram screen.
- Notes: Both black actors, one of my favourite quotes after Barack Obama won the presidency was, "If we have a black president now, how will directors show us that we are in the future in a science fiction movie?"
THE BAD GUYS
- Fifth: Decent. Gary Oldman is great as Zorg, and Zorg is a fun character. The henchmen (Mangalores) and Mr. Shadow are cool as well.
- Valerian: Boring. Clive Owen isn't interesting in the role, his henchmen (K-tron Bots) are boring. The motivation presented is clunky.
THE FRIENDLY RACE/SPECIES
- Fifth: A bit frustrating. I never fully understood the role or context for the Mondoshawan, but their big bodies and little metal bird heads were very imaginative.
- Valerian: Beautiful. Their world (The Pearls) is stunning, their Converter pets are adorable. However, the heavy CGI is noticeable.
THE SUPPORTING CHARACTERS
- Fifth: Good. They appear all throughout the movie and have their own motivations and back stories (Father Vito Cornelius, David, and the aforementioned Ruby Rhod)
- Valerian: There isn't really any. I wish there had been.
MODERN HUMAN CONNECTION
- Fifth: The pyramids.
- Valerian: The International Space Station.
ROMANCE/CHEMISTRY
- Fifth: Almost believable.
- Valerian: Terrible and not believable.
- Notes: Both movies end with the two main characters making out in a small capsule as the camera zooms out from a window. Really bringing home the similarities.
I highly recommend both movies!!
I love The Fifth Element, it is one of my favourite movies, I have mentioned it more than once. It was pretty exciting to hear that Valerian was given a positive review by my preferred movie critics on What The Flick? However, I actually gasped while watching the review when one the critics said they didn't like The Fifth Element. WHAT?!
Jason and I went to see Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets yesterday afternoon - so enjoyable. However, basically it was an upgraded, updated Fifth Element, which I think is fine, it is 20 years later - we can use another one. Both movies are great, I love this pop-style of fun action sci-fi. Here is my comparison:
PLOT
- Fifth: Basic.
- Valerian: Slightly better.
PACE
- Fifth: Fast but can be clunky, has a slow bit or two.
- Valerian: Speedy and sleek. I might re-evaluate this on a second viewing though.
DIALOGUE
- Fifth: Bad. (However, there are at least some memorable quotes - "Mul-ti-pass, multi-pass.")
- Valerian: Also bad, possibly worse.
BACK STORY/CHARACTER HISTORY
- Fifth: Provided, on a fairly simple level.
- Valerian: Missing.
CASTING
- Fifth: Strange. The age difference between Leeloo and Korben Dallas is pretty big, but really you can do no wrong with Bruce Willis
- Valerian: Badly done. Dane DeHaan was a poor choice. Spent the whole movie thinking how much better it would have been with a different person playing Valerian.
ACTING
- Fifth: Fine. Milla Jovovich is excellent, Bruce Willis doesn't really win a lot of Academy Awards for a reason but he is solid in this role. Supporting cast does well.
- Valerian: Not good. I liked how Cara Delevingne played Laureline. Dane DeHaan doesn't work, this character (in the comics) literally inspired Han Solo and I wasn't feeling that. Supporting cast is a bit weak.
WORLD BUILDING
- Fifth: Very cool.
- Valerian: Absolutely epic.
TINY SCI-FI DETAILS
- Fifth: Great, it is part of what makes it an amazing movie.
- Valerian: Incredible.
THE ARTIST
- Fifth: Diva Plavalaguna, an opera singer played by Maiwenn/Inva Mula
- Valerian: Bubbles, a shape shifting stripper played by Rihanna
- Note: The artists assist with the mission/plot in both movies, and also die in both movies, in the arms of the main male hero.
THE ANNOYING ONE
- Fifth: Chris Tucker as Ruby Rhod, the original.
- Valerian: Missing, but you can tell they tried to reproduce it a few times, with the market guide or with Ethan Hawke (very enjoyable) as Jolly the Pimp.
THE GOVERNMENT LEADER
- Fifth: Great character. Tommy 'Tiny' Lister as President Lindberg is believable, well acted, and funny.
- Valerian: Not great. Herbie Hancock as the Defense Minister doesn't get much to do and you can't see him well on the hologram screen.
- Notes: Both black actors, one of my favourite quotes after Barack Obama won the presidency was, "If we have a black president now, how will directors show us that we are in the future in a science fiction movie?"
THE BAD GUYS
- Fifth: Decent. Gary Oldman is great as Zorg, and Zorg is a fun character. The henchmen (Mangalores) and Mr. Shadow are cool as well.
- Valerian: Boring. Clive Owen isn't interesting in the role, his henchmen (K-tron Bots) are boring. The motivation presented is clunky.
THE FRIENDLY RACE/SPECIES
- Fifth: A bit frustrating. I never fully understood the role or context for the Mondoshawan, but their big bodies and little metal bird heads were very imaginative.
- Valerian: Beautiful. Their world (The Pearls) is stunning, their Converter pets are adorable. However, the heavy CGI is noticeable.
THE SUPPORTING CHARACTERS
- Fifth: Good. They appear all throughout the movie and have their own motivations and back stories (Father Vito Cornelius, David, and the aforementioned Ruby Rhod)
- Valerian: There isn't really any. I wish there had been.
MODERN HUMAN CONNECTION
- Fifth: The pyramids.
- Valerian: The International Space Station.
ROMANCE/CHEMISTRY
- Fifth: Almost believable.
- Valerian: Terrible and not believable.
- Notes: Both movies end with the two main characters making out in a small capsule as the camera zooms out from a window. Really bringing home the similarities.
I highly recommend both movies!!
Monday, 31 July 2017
Speed (1994)
So I finally got around to watching the movie Speed with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock last night. It came out in 1994 but was way to scary for my 10-year-old self. Then I never got around to it once I started watching and enjoying action movies. I ended up sharing my thoughts on Facebook as I watched - which most readers will have already seen but thought I would post here anyway for people not on social media...
Quiet Sunday evening on the couch with Jason, watching Speed for the first time. I know I am a bit behind the bandwagon on this 1994 action gem. Let's see how this goes..
3:20 - The opening credits are making me sad that Microsoft canceled Paint and also making me nostalgic for Corel Draw. However the score has stood the test of time - so good, already epic.
28:59 - Phone booth plot point!
38:16 - Used a car phone in a commandeered convertible, then took that guys cell phone too. Used cell to call police station - police station has rotary desk phones. The telecom in this thing is all over the place! Oh the mid-90s.
45:53 - Loving supporting cast, Jeff Daniels and Alan Ruck. Who knew!
1:33:43 - Amazing end to the bus saga! Super exciting. But there is still over 20 minutes left - is it just hunting down the bad guy? No more Sandra Bullock driving? I love her! She had better be still a good strong part of the rest of this!
1:35:13 - They killed off Jeff Daniels! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
1:38:26 - Sandra is now a bomb wearing hostage!! Nooo! Man, solid third act arc.
1:39:58 - Oooo Subway... (Didn't know LA had a Subway)
1:43:37 - ANOTHER the path isn't finished issue? I would comment that this is ridiculous but it isn't like we are all up on top of our Toronto infrastructure in 2017 so I can't really say anything.
I really enjoyed this movie, it is very very good. Speed definitely stands up in a first time viewing 23 years later which wouldn't be said about a lot of actions films that old. Can't believe it has taken me this long but glad I finally got to see it.
Quiet Sunday evening on the couch with Jason, watching Speed for the first time. I know I am a bit behind the bandwagon on this 1994 action gem. Let's see how this goes..
3:20 - The opening credits are making me sad that Microsoft canceled Paint and also making me nostalgic for Corel Draw. However the score has stood the test of time - so good, already epic.
28:59 - Phone booth plot point!
38:16 - Used a car phone in a commandeered convertible, then took that guys cell phone too. Used cell to call police station - police station has rotary desk phones. The telecom in this thing is all over the place! Oh the mid-90s.
45:53 - Loving supporting cast, Jeff Daniels and Alan Ruck. Who knew!
1:33:43 - Amazing end to the bus saga! Super exciting. But there is still over 20 minutes left - is it just hunting down the bad guy? No more Sandra Bullock driving? I love her! She had better be still a good strong part of the rest of this!
1:35:13 - They killed off Jeff Daniels! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
1:38:26 - Sandra is now a bomb wearing hostage!! Nooo! Man, solid third act arc.
1:39:58 - Oooo Subway... (Didn't know LA had a Subway)
1:43:37 - ANOTHER the path isn't finished issue? I would comment that this is ridiculous but it isn't like we are all up on top of our Toronto infrastructure in 2017 so I can't really say anything.
I really enjoyed this movie, it is very very good. Speed definitely stands up in a first time viewing 23 years later which wouldn't be said about a lot of actions films that old. Can't believe it has taken me this long but glad I finally got to see it.
Thursday, 13 April 2017
Six Hours In
I didn't get a chance to sleep on the plane, so arrived with Jason this morning in The Azores, for our honeymoon, pretty damn exhausted. After touring around a solid portion of Sao Miguel Island (it is quite small) while we waited to check into our hotel, I came up with the following delirious impression...
The Azores is like Spain and Hawaii had a secret love child 500 years ago and didn't tell anyone about it. They just put the kid the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and gave it to Portugal to look after. All lush landscapes with volcanic geology, green vegetation, and bright tropical flowers interspersed throughout by classic Latin/Mediterranean style architecture and European towns/culture. It is an amazing merger that to some degree feels very familiar but at the same time is like no where else.
Like you would expect from a hidden illegitimate child, The Azores, both the islands and their population, are quiet. Comfortable with their complicated and unique identity but also very reserved about it. Most people speak English and Spanish (and more) but they occasionally point out the difference in those languages as they connect to Portuguese, the main one spoken here.
The weather changes on a dime many times throughout the day, a bit moody I guess. Flipping from cloud covered mountains to rainy coasts to stretches of blue skies across patch work stone fenced fields. The weather doesn't stay the same very long but it also doesn't seem to be too extreme.
The weather changes on a dime many times throughout the day, a bit moody I guess. Flipping from cloud covered mountains to rainy coasts to stretches of blue skies across patch work stone fenced fields. The weather doesn't stay the same very long but it also doesn't seem to be too extreme.
Lastly, they got pretty into cows. Bit of an obsession, cows are everywhere and wander all over the roads at times - even major highways.
Basically this place is strange and amazing but also absolutely STUNNING! I can't wait to explore everything from the waves crashing on the coastlines to the black lava rocks on the hill tops and everything in between. Stay turned for more updates.
Tuesday, 28 March 2017
I Will Build It
Hanging out with Mike yesterday talking about our future career plans, he mentioned the quote, "If you don't work on your dreams you will just end up working on someone else's." I had heard it before and I really like it. The internet seems to suggest that it is from Farrah Gray and is worded this way:
"Build your own dreams,
or someone else will hire you to build theirs."
Thursday, 23 March 2017
The Binder/File That No One Wants To Make
Before my father died I lived a very innocent life. Ignorant of the pain experienced after tragic loss and blind to the fact that the grief process may never truly end. I am far from enlightened now but I am experienced and I recognize similar feelings and situations when I witness friends and family dealing with death or dying.
One thing that is extremely helpful is to have a clear plan in place and to communicate your wishes openly with those around you. But, no one seems to want to talk about death, especially their own. Gord had completed a short worksheet about his funeral wishes and while I am sure the days following his unexpected death were a numb blur for Teri and her family, at least there was less decision making to be made, removing that element of stress from the process.
Having an 'end of life' binder or file is a good thing to do for the people you care about. You are helping to minimize any conflict between friends and family members with different ideas, providing details eliminates the need for speculation after you are gone, and mainly it eases the daunting logistical task of planing a funeral and handling an estate.
Here are two amazing resources, pick one and get on this:
-- The Death Wise Binder is incredible. You can print everything off HERE. This is my preferred choice because it is so thorough, beautifully organized, and includes a system of revisiting the data every 10 years. (Yes, it wants you do it on the '9' birthdays but just do the first version now and catch the next '9' birthday for a revise.) Admittedly it is massive and intense, at 24 pages long this option is overwhelming for even the most organized. It also shows you so many other types of documents that could/should be made.
-- For those looking for something a little bit simpler, the American Lung Association Life Planning Worksheet is a nice three-page option. You can print it HERE. This one covers the very basics and will at least help to start the thought processes and difficult conversations. In fact, you can skip the first two pages and just fill out the questions about a funeral and will on the third page. (Providing the location of your will is really helpful, speaking from experience here.)
Not only should you fill this out, but copies should be shared with a few important people in your life as well. Also, a version of this document should be one done for every member of the family - regardless of age. The thing with these conversations is that they tend to get harder as you get older. Parents and grandparents are increasingly reluctant to share information pertaining to their death, and my generation will suffer for it as we will be the ones helping work through the inevitable - though hopefully far in the future.
Ignore excuses and get the information you need from those you care about - there isn't a 'good' day to talk about this. It is very common to find this type of discussion, organization, planning, and research upsetting. Questions and fears about mortality might be inevitable but try to shelve them for another time.
Just like I believe everyone should try to be open and comfortably talking about money, I am realizing I feel the same way about death and end-of-life planning!
One thing that is extremely helpful is to have a clear plan in place and to communicate your wishes openly with those around you. But, no one seems to want to talk about death, especially their own. Gord had completed a short worksheet about his funeral wishes and while I am sure the days following his unexpected death were a numb blur for Teri and her family, at least there was less decision making to be made, removing that element of stress from the process.
Having an 'end of life' binder or file is a good thing to do for the people you care about. You are helping to minimize any conflict between friends and family members with different ideas, providing details eliminates the need for speculation after you are gone, and mainly it eases the daunting logistical task of planing a funeral and handling an estate.
Here are two amazing resources, pick one and get on this:
-- The Death Wise Binder is incredible. You can print everything off HERE. This is my preferred choice because it is so thorough, beautifully organized, and includes a system of revisiting the data every 10 years. (Yes, it wants you do it on the '9' birthdays but just do the first version now and catch the next '9' birthday for a revise.) Admittedly it is massive and intense, at 24 pages long this option is overwhelming for even the most organized. It also shows you so many other types of documents that could/should be made.
-- For those looking for something a little bit simpler, the American Lung Association Life Planning Worksheet is a nice three-page option. You can print it HERE. This one covers the very basics and will at least help to start the thought processes and difficult conversations. In fact, you can skip the first two pages and just fill out the questions about a funeral and will on the third page. (Providing the location of your will is really helpful, speaking from experience here.)
Not only should you fill this out, but copies should be shared with a few important people in your life as well. Also, a version of this document should be one done for every member of the family - regardless of age. The thing with these conversations is that they tend to get harder as you get older. Parents and grandparents are increasingly reluctant to share information pertaining to their death, and my generation will suffer for it as we will be the ones helping work through the inevitable - though hopefully far in the future.
Ignore excuses and get the information you need from those you care about - there isn't a 'good' day to talk about this. It is very common to find this type of discussion, organization, planning, and research upsetting. Questions and fears about mortality might be inevitable but try to shelve them for another time.
Just like I believe everyone should try to be open and comfortably talking about money, I am realizing I feel the same way about death and end-of-life planning!
Wednesday, 22 February 2017
Types Of Luxury Spending
I don't really know who came up with this, I have been trying to track it down to give the creator credit, but my guess is The Future Laboratory as mentioned by A. Caccamo in his article: The Beginner's Guide to the Luxury Industry. You can skip this post and just go to the source material, it is a good article. If you would also prefer to watch something there is an animated presentation on the subject of The Luxury Consumer Evolution too.
Unlike the above suggests, I don't think that these stages are steps on a ladder or scale, if they are more thought needs to be put into what makes a consumer move or change from one to another, both overall and per purchase. Instead I think of these as 'reasons' for each luxury purchase, the discussion to get something expensive when cheaper options are available is based on one of these five justifications - sometimes unconsciously. Overtime, a persons buying habits would show a preference for some stages over others.
Stage 1 - Acquisition of Wealth (The Show Off)
Using luxury items and experiences to show wealth and define social position
Stage 2 - Discernment and Worth (Design Maniac)
Using luxury items and experiences to show a higher level of taste
Stage 3 - Emotion and Experience (Vibrant Feeling)
Using luxury items and experience for emotional impact, or uniqueness
Stage 4 - Responsible and Aware (Leonardo Di Caprio)
Using luxury items and experience to connect with moral or political values
Stage 5 - Intellectual and Poetic (Isolated Self-Reflection)
Using luxury items and experience for self-improvement and transformation
It is cool to think of movements through the stages as a generational thing, 'new money' is flashy but long-standing wealthy families are more private. But as I said before I don't really think the stages are connected to time, they are personality based.
A lot of my friends would fit into Stage 2, they perceive their luxury items to be better made or more precise than less expensive ones, and while it isn't a show of wealth it is often still a little bit related to the demonstration of class. No better or worse, all my expensive purchases are usually connected to Stage 3 - I like to spend money on experiences and I want them to be emotionally powerful.
It is a fun concept to consider and I hope the experts in this field move further along with the theory.
Unlike the above suggests, I don't think that these stages are steps on a ladder or scale, if they are more thought needs to be put into what makes a consumer move or change from one to another, both overall and per purchase. Instead I think of these as 'reasons' for each luxury purchase, the discussion to get something expensive when cheaper options are available is based on one of these five justifications - sometimes unconsciously. Overtime, a persons buying habits would show a preference for some stages over others.
Stage 1 - Acquisition of Wealth (The Show Off)
Using luxury items and experiences to show wealth and define social position
Stage 2 - Discernment and Worth (Design Maniac)
Using luxury items and experiences to show a higher level of taste
Stage 3 - Emotion and Experience (Vibrant Feeling)
Using luxury items and experience for emotional impact, or uniqueness
Stage 4 - Responsible and Aware (Leonardo Di Caprio)
Using luxury items and experience to connect with moral or political values
Stage 5 - Intellectual and Poetic (Isolated Self-Reflection)
Using luxury items and experience for self-improvement and transformation
It is cool to think of movements through the stages as a generational thing, 'new money' is flashy but long-standing wealthy families are more private. But as I said before I don't really think the stages are connected to time, they are personality based.
A lot of my friends would fit into Stage 2, they perceive their luxury items to be better made or more precise than less expensive ones, and while it isn't a show of wealth it is often still a little bit related to the demonstration of class. No better or worse, all my expensive purchases are usually connected to Stage 3 - I like to spend money on experiences and I want them to be emotionally powerful.
It is a fun concept to consider and I hope the experts in this field move further along with the theory.
Monday, 16 January 2017
How Does A Rebel Get Anything Done?
I love classifying things, including people. (Remember THIS joke?) Lately I have been thinking about the four personality types presented by Gretchen Rubin in her latest book: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel. I particularly like that there is a corresponding Venn diagram and that the types exist on a simple x-y axis.The classification is in regards to how someone responds to rules, both those set by others and those set internally. Rubin starts to outline her theory in THIS blog post. Her definition of rules or expectations is very broad: Looking at people's response to outer rules, like laws, traffic signs, work deadlines, requests from friends, doctors' advice, and their response to inner rules, like personal resolutions, goals for self-improvement, or working on a self-generated project. Luckily she put together a QUIZ to help determine which type you might be - I didn't even have to take it to know that I am a Questioner. (I have to understand the reasoning behind an expectation, and agree with it, before I follow along.)
What confuses me though is how does the Rebel type get anything done? Basically as soon as something is a rule or expectation they become repulsed by it. Rubin does suggest that it is the smallest category. What are you?
Friday, 25 November 2016
Talk Consent
November 25 - The International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, as declared by the United Nations.
There is a lot of room for improvement in the current dialogue about sexual assault, especially how we discuss this with children. I have seen articles arguing against the onus put on potential victims of assault to "stay safe." I don't think there is a problem teaching people about avoiding certain situations, and not putting oneself into harms way. I totally agree that a victim should never be blamed for assault but I also think that an awareness of safety needs to be taught and encouraged. It isn't your fault at all that you got mugged in a dark alley in a known dangerous neighbourhood of a foreign city. But as a parent or friend it is perfectly fine to encourage travelers to do some research on the place they are visiting and talk about how to be cautious.
I do agree about the other thing often mentioned in these articles: Don't teach the victims how to avoid it - teach the perpetrators not to do it. This is the weak link in our sexual discussions and education, We too often breeze quickly by the concept of consent. We need to talk about what consent is, its value, how to ensure it has and continues to be given in sexual situations, and even how to give it. No parent sets out to raise a rapist, and the blame shouldn't be on the parents in these situations. However, everyone needs to step up the discussion about respect. We need to identify disrespectful, dangerous, or even illegal actions. We need to talk clearly about how to behave appropriately.
I love the 20 Minutes of Action 4 Change that calls on fathers to talk to their sons today about consent. From the age of 1 all the way up until a child leaves home, having a 20 minute conversation once a year could do wonders. This are the discussions that people avoid having and we shouldn't.
And, I still love the tea video about consent.
There is a lot of room for improvement in the current dialogue about sexual assault, especially how we discuss this with children. I have seen articles arguing against the onus put on potential victims of assault to "stay safe." I don't think there is a problem teaching people about avoiding certain situations, and not putting oneself into harms way. I totally agree that a victim should never be blamed for assault but I also think that an awareness of safety needs to be taught and encouraged. It isn't your fault at all that you got mugged in a dark alley in a known dangerous neighbourhood of a foreign city. But as a parent or friend it is perfectly fine to encourage travelers to do some research on the place they are visiting and talk about how to be cautious.
I do agree about the other thing often mentioned in these articles: Don't teach the victims how to avoid it - teach the perpetrators not to do it. This is the weak link in our sexual discussions and education, We too often breeze quickly by the concept of consent. We need to talk about what consent is, its value, how to ensure it has and continues to be given in sexual situations, and even how to give it. No parent sets out to raise a rapist, and the blame shouldn't be on the parents in these situations. However, everyone needs to step up the discussion about respect. We need to identify disrespectful, dangerous, or even illegal actions. We need to talk clearly about how to behave appropriately.
I love the 20 Minutes of Action 4 Change that calls on fathers to talk to their sons today about consent. From the age of 1 all the way up until a child leaves home, having a 20 minute conversation once a year could do wonders. This are the discussions that people avoid having and we shouldn't.
And, I still love the tea video about consent.
Wednesday, 9 November 2016
Will It Happen Here?
So, here we are. The day we all woke up and realized it hadn't been a terrible dream and that Donald Trump had won the election in the US. There is general sadness, numbness, and even fear all around me today.
The following was part of a Facebook Post a friend of mine, James, wrote, it gave me pause. I have copied it below and adjusted it slightly.
While Canada is a totally different country, a lot of things that happen in the United States seep Northward. You can almost pair up the waves politically: where Reagan/Bush brought Mulroney; Clinton and Chretien rose to power together; Bush won in 2001 followed by Harper a couple of years later; and then after 9 years of Harper and 6 years of seeing the amazing Obama in office, Canadians voted in Trudeau last year. They all line up. The idea that the next wave after Trudeau is something like Kevin O'Leary is downright scary.
The following was part of a Facebook Post a friend of mine, James, wrote, it gave me pause. I have copied it below and adjusted it slightly.
While Canada is a totally different country, a lot of things that happen in the United States seep Northward. You can almost pair up the waves politically: where Reagan/Bush brought Mulroney; Clinton and Chretien rose to power together; Bush won in 2001 followed by Harper a couple of years later; and then after 9 years of Harper and 6 years of seeing the amazing Obama in office, Canadians voted in Trudeau last year. They all line up. The idea that the next wave after Trudeau is something like Kevin O'Leary is downright scary.
Friday, 19 August 2016
Motherhood - What I Would Not Be Doing
Excerpts from Mother, Writer, Monster, Maid by Rufi Thorpe:
"I am proud of being a mother. I love my two children. I love them so much that it hurts to look at them and I am pretty sure they are the best, smartest, scrappiest, funniest boys in the world, and having them changed my life. My life before children was selfish and bland, all feelings and no grit, just a drifting miasma of mood. To go back to living like that seems like hell."
"I have tried to say it to my husband; I have tried to say, 'I hate my life.' I have tried to say, 'I need help.' I have tried to explain why I am finding being a mother so difficult, but in the face of his questions, my explanations collapse. It isn’t exactly that spending time with the children is so horrible. I mean, sometimes it is, sometimes we have a bad day, but most of the time it is relatively pleasant: we go to the store, we go to the park, everyone is well behaved, the three-year-old says something cute, the baby does something new. The problem is not in what I am doing. The problem is in what I am not doing, which is writing every day, but which is also leading a life of the mind."
"I recognize the leveraging power of ineptitude. My husband can’t cook well; I do the cooking. My husband accidentally shrinks a few sweaters; I do the laundry. My husband can’t lactate; the baby comes to New York. In his inability to do things, he is excused from labor. In my rush to excel, to shine, to be a good wife and mother, I have done nothing but ensure my labor will be lengthy and unpaid."
"The conflict is between the selfishness of the artist and the selflessness of a mother."
"I am profoundly unfree."
For me, the haunting quote is: The problem is in what I am not doing.
I never thought I would be the type of person to have FOMO but I fear that having children wouldn't mean just be missing out on an event or two it would be missing out on who I could be. Sacrificing not just part of life but choosing to walk away from whole lives I could be living, other things I could be doing,
"I am proud of being a mother. I love my two children. I love them so much that it hurts to look at them and I am pretty sure they are the best, smartest, scrappiest, funniest boys in the world, and having them changed my life. My life before children was selfish and bland, all feelings and no grit, just a drifting miasma of mood. To go back to living like that seems like hell."
"I have tried to say it to my husband; I have tried to say, 'I hate my life.' I have tried to say, 'I need help.' I have tried to explain why I am finding being a mother so difficult, but in the face of his questions, my explanations collapse. It isn’t exactly that spending time with the children is so horrible. I mean, sometimes it is, sometimes we have a bad day, but most of the time it is relatively pleasant: we go to the store, we go to the park, everyone is well behaved, the three-year-old says something cute, the baby does something new. The problem is not in what I am doing. The problem is in what I am not doing, which is writing every day, but which is also leading a life of the mind."
"I recognize the leveraging power of ineptitude. My husband can’t cook well; I do the cooking. My husband accidentally shrinks a few sweaters; I do the laundry. My husband can’t lactate; the baby comes to New York. In his inability to do things, he is excused from labor. In my rush to excel, to shine, to be a good wife and mother, I have done nothing but ensure my labor will be lengthy and unpaid."
"The conflict is between the selfishness of the artist and the selflessness of a mother."
"I am profoundly unfree."
For me, the haunting quote is: The problem is in what I am not doing.
I never thought I would be the type of person to have FOMO but I fear that having children wouldn't mean just be missing out on an event or two it would be missing out on who I could be. Sacrificing not just part of life but choosing to walk away from whole lives I could be living, other things I could be doing,
Thursday, 18 August 2016
Motherhood - A New Series
I am going to start a new series of posts on Always Standing related to having children. I wanted to first make a general disclaimer that (unless explicitly stated) these are just rants and thoughts and general writing from my perspective at this moment in time. They are not reflections of my own childhood. These posts are also not connected to anyone I know, who may or may not have kids. Please remember that these are posts about me while I consider this interesting aspect of my possible future. Just like my posts about getting married and having an engagement ring were not related to the choices people have made or thoughts others have on the same topics. So stay tuned for this minefield of a topic.
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