Alone Together

------- from The Internet, about The Internet

" When we place ourselves out there on the Internet, on social media and in comments sections and maybe even in overwritten reviews of TV comedies, we’re not really placing “ourselves” out there. We’re placing the version of ourselves that we want the world to see, the version that’s cooler or smarter or funnier than the real human being making those posts. We are, in some sense, reducing ourselves to fictional characters, less susceptible to pain or anger, at least until people needle at us, and we act as if that needling is directly attacking our core selves, instead of just some projection we’ve made to get more popular online. And that can turn destructive! The version of myself who writes these reviews is very different from the version who posts on Twitter, and both of those guys are nothing like the real me, who has insecurities and doubts and fears that the Internet doesn’t want to hear about. Yet the wish to be liked (or “liked”) is all-pervasive. I would gladly wear a party hat if you guys would give me some upvotes.

Or, put another way, think of these comments, and how so many of you used to freak out at the notion of downvoting (before Disqus took away the ability to see how many people had downvoted you—which I think was the right call). Or think of maybe when you make a post on Twitter, and nobody interacts with it, or when you say something on Tumblr, and nobody reblogs it, or, heaven forfend, when you post a cat picture on Facebook, and nobody cares. None of us wants to feel like we are all alone in the universe, calling out to nobody in particular. And the Internet has made it that much easier to find communities of people we feel like we belong with. But it’s also made it that much easier to hide the pieces of ourselves we don’t really like from those people, when even the act of sharing your deepest, darkest secrets can be a kind of performance art. There are both good and bad sides to this, but when somebody breaks the compact—when they don’t notice you or downvote you without saying why or just generally behave like assholes—it makes it that much harder to react without going Vesuvius all over the place. "

---- Emily Todd VanDerWerff

This has been said so many times, in so many ways, but when I ran across these two paragraphs recently they resonated. They were actually written as part of an AV Club review for an episode of the show Community. (Highly recommended for anyone who hasn't watched it. Also great as a re-watch which Jason and I are doing at the moment.) This context is probably why some of the sentences above don't make sense. The episode being reviewed was called “App Development And Condiments” which has a phone app called MeowMeowBeenz where people at the community college campus that the show is based rate each other in real time out of five.Obviously things spiral way out of control. It reminded me of a Blackmirror episode, which actually aired later, that was, like all Blackmirror episodes, super upsetting/disturbing.

Dumbo

Lots of travelling! I keep saying that with the shop closed now, "All I have is time and debt." So I am trying to figure out if it makes sense to visit Mom in Palm Springs in November and I have two trips planned this month.

First I am heading to Buffalo for Thanksgiving weekend with Jason. Then a couple of weeks later, I am going to New York City with ERin. This was planned way back, before I decided to close the shop. Since she had already booked her trip, and it is from Sunday to Wednesday, I thought it would work well with my cafe schedule. We are staying in Dumbo, Brooklyn.

The neighbourhood name is an acronym:
Dumbo - Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass.

Lots of names in New York are funny short forms or acronyms:
SoHo - South of Houston
Tribeca - Triangle Below Canal

They make fun of this in the show How I Met Your Mother when two of the characters are looking to buy an apartment in Dowisetrepla which turns out to mean Downwind of the Sewage Treatment Plant.

Christmas Changes

I like that my Christmas traditions are slowly adjusting to be less material/consumer driven. Don't get me wrong. I love buying, giving, and receiving gifts - remember giving gifts is one of my main Love Languages! However, with a tiny Toronto house, I don't have room for a lot of stuff, and I have always valued experience more anyway.

This year Kristen and I went to a play together instead of doing gifts - with the added bonus of a dinner at my favourite vegetarian restaurant Fresh a head of the show. (We saw a musical parody of the TV show Friends.)

The lists that get sent between family members each year and leaning more and more towards consumable items - we ask for our favourite foods, household items we need, fun treats of one type or another that we wouldn't necessarily buy for ourselves but really enjoy. These types of gifts bring such joy and at the same time don't add to clutter.

Mildly Adventurous

Soooo, you want a low number - I guess that means you are more adventurous. I need to remember some of these for when I play this as part of a drinking game.

I am at SIX. Because I have never...
- Broken a bone (knock on wood)
- Been skydiving
- Had braces
- Given birth
- Gone scuba diving
- Been on a cruise
(Does having braces make you more adventurous?)

Let me know your number in the comments!! 

5 Second Rule

Sitting on the couch watching TV together
Spots something on the floor next to him
Jason: What's that? Oh, it is a gummy coke bottle
We had got some Bulk Barn candy over the weekend
An hour or so passes, we have dinner, still watching TV
Me: Where did that coke bottle go?
Jason: I threw it out
Me: Hey! I would-of eaten that!
Jason: I know.

Sleepovers - Child Vs Adult

I just got back from a quick four-day trip to Calgary. Jason used his Aeroplan points to get me flights out west for my birthday, so I could spend some time with ERin and Anne. (It was going to be during Stampede but got postponed to August.) I thought I would discuss the weekend as a comparison to sleepovers, specifically birthday party ones, I had as a child:

Length of Time
Not just a single night! Since I am in Toronto, Anne in Calgary, and ERin in Edmonton, if we are going to spend time together it only makes sense for it to be a few days. I flew out on Wednesday evening and back Sunday night.

Location
Instead of gathering in the living room or basement of our parent's house, we stayed at Anne's trendy apartment in the Kensington area of Calgary.

Sleeping Arrangements
We don't need to all be in the same room, and our bodies are too old to sleep on the floor. I got the fold-out couch with some awesome memory foam.

TV
Morning cartoons, fun movies, or late night television? Nope! An episode of Chef's Table in the afternoon.

Snacks
No chips, candy, or popcorn, instead we helped ERin by taste testing some new chocolate flavours.

Meals
We traded in the pizza and hot dogs for Anne's fabulous cooking. She made us orzo salad, fennel and zucchini soup, fish tacos with homemade mango salsa, and more.

Dessert
I used to love decorating cupcakes. But this weekend we helped ERin make two different fancy cakes (I was minimally helpful.) We started with the very complicated Pacific Cake that took much of Thursday, and then quickly whipped up a modern version of an Opera Cake on Saturday.

Restaurants
Our choices for a Friday night out on the town were not kid friendly at all. First stop, for appetizers and margaritas, was Anejo, where they make the guacamole and salsa right at your table. For dinner we went to Klein Harris, where I had beet salad and hanger steak. We also made a few breakfast/brunch stops at a pie place in Anne's building - I kept getting the quiche, so good!

Daily Essential
It used to be such a regular thing to visit the corner store, usually for ice cream or candy, during a sleepover, but now that we are older - it is coffee! Made at home or quick visits to a cafe.

Amusement
Hard to remember all the things that I did as a child at birthday parties; swimming, movies, games. In Calgary we went on a road trip to the mountains, visits to ice cream shops and the grocery store, dinners out, dinners in, a cat cafe, and lots of walking around the city.

Conversation
Did we talk about boys? Yes. But also our families, friendships, pets, careers, travel, health, education, and more.

Friendship
I think it gets even better as we get older. It was a wonderful weekend, I love those two so much.

I Miss Him, He Is Missing Things

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A post about my Dad each Sunday, named after a song that he loved.

Lately I have been really aware of all the things that my Dad has been missing (you know, by being dead.) As usual, strange things remind me of him. Here are the things he is missing out on this summer:

- So many superhero and action movies
- Sleeping in our cool cabinet bed
- Visits with the ever growing Minns family
- Lots of free events and festivals in Toronto
- Nautical style clothes becoming cheap and being everywhere
- Helping with our many outdoor house projects
- The new Game of Thrones season
- A lot of sailing

This doesn't even get into the extremely upsetting parts, like my wedding last year, or, meeting and playing with his grandchildren. There is always so much I want to share with him. I miss his happiness and excitement (something I am planning on writing about later.)

Motherhood - Just Disappear

I was watching Hockey Wives with Tessa on Monday. (I would like to state that it was not my decision of show, I don't like it very much - but I can't judge her choice, I like a lot of reality TV and none of it is good.) One of the women had a baby recently and talks to her friend about how tiring motherhood is because her son isn't sleeping through the night yet. She said this, while giggling:

I don’t want anything bad to happen to me. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. But if the world just blew up and everybody just ended at the same time, I’d be fine with that. That’s how tired I am.

This rings so close to depression. I have had these thoughts, they are the precursor to wanting to die. It isn't quite there yet, it is the desire to just not exist anymore in a way that avoids pain for friends and family - it is very close to a suicide fantasy. However, it also rings so true to what I image parents might think or feel at times.

Top Posts For 2016 - Views

After seeing Steph's Top 5 Posts, I wanted to do my own for 2016 on Always Standing. I think I would be able to use Google Analytics to quickly figure it out but it isn't working right now so I did it manually. Scrolling through the 220 posts from last year I can see the number of comments left on each and how many times that post was viewed. Some posts do much better than others and it is very difficult to understand why. It might be what gets visited through a search or something I post on Facebook that gets more traffic than usual - but my theories don't show to be consistent so I am not totally sure.

Honourable Mentions

These two posts did well but didn't break 100 views, however I still wanted to include them because I think they are great!
- Peru Overview, With Help From Mom - As it sounds, a quick diary about my January trip hiking the Inca Trail. The post is mainly used to send people over to Vicarious Travelling to view Mom's photos.
- Flat Surface? - A cute photo of Two sitting on our mantel at Casa Verde.

FIVE

So Many Milestones

Post about picking up my wedding ring, getting keys to our new house, and eating french fries. Pretty sure that I posted a link to this one on Facebook and it covers some pretty big life events, I understand why this shows up.

FOUR

Xmas List 2016

The cute photo above taking by Mom of Maya in a Santa hat isn't included in the original post. It was just a list of what I wanted for Christmas this year, something I do on Always Standing every year. The traffic is probably from relatives and friends coming back to reference the items.

THREE

Talk Consent

I like this post a lot. It references a big campaign but I spoke in my own words as to why it was important to me. I hope it inspired some of the 141 viewers who saw it to talk about the issue of consent - a discussion that can be had at any age.

TWO

Addictive Television

An interesting post to follow up the last one, a quick reflection how that fact that Jon Taffer can be a bit of a bully on the show Bar Rescue.

ONE

Two Speeds

A post that features two pictures of Avery from Jason and my wedding. I am glad to see it showed up as number one, Steph's photos are beautiful and Aves is adorable subject matter.

Quote Of The Day

"I love therapy! 

Paying someone to listen 

to me talk about my problems 

- it is like a hooker for your feelings."  

-- blackish (one of the best shows on TV right now)

Addictive Television

Watching a bully...and I am conflicted, but addicted. I really like the TV show Bar Rescue, it is a a really exciting show, part renovation, part business make-over, a great reality show. It is run by a hospitality expert, Jon Taffer. Unfortunately, he process often involves bullying. Normally I wouldn't notice it but with the current political climate in the USA I am particularly sensitive to men yelling. I was concerned that it might ruin the show for me but it still is a really fun thing to watch. The yelling part sucks but at the same time I can see the heart and passion behind it.

Propelled To Learn

I have mentioned way too many times on Always Standing that I love to learn, so much that a single link to a post exemplifying this wouldn't be enough - I say it all the time, because I mean it. I just read an article that ties this to my ADHD, and I totally agree:

"We need to be careful about what we label as a disorder. When it comes to ADHD, for instance, there is growing evidence that ADHD individuals achieve very good outcomes by normal social standards. The popular-culture stereotype is of an ADHD (often "ADD") person superficially clicking from one channel or Web site to the next. An alternative vision is that many ADHD individuals adapt and end up using their cognitive profile to propel themselves from learning one piece of information to the next, and in fact end up better educated and maybe better situated to deal with the social world as well."

--- from Autism as Academic Paradigm by Tyler Cowen in The Chronicle of Higher Education, July 13, 2009.

Damn You Bob Barker

The house next door sold this week. We saw the SOLD sign go up and immediately started guessing what it had gone for. We knew that it had been listed sometime in May at $599,900. Jason was pretty sure that it been sold for around $575,000 since it was priced quite high and hadn't sold right away.

I didn't think our neighbours were in a rush to sell so would wait to get something close to what they had listed as asking. We made a bet with "Price Is Right Rules" and I decided that the buyers would need to have offered at least $585,000 to get the house, any lower than that would be too big of a discount off of the list price.

We get a daily email that provides all the GTA real estate sold data. It is interesting to keep on top of the market and also the houses have all sold so there is not hoping and falling in love with options, just research. When the listing update came through on the house next door it confirmed that it had sat on the market for a long time (by Toronto standards.) They didn't put a sign in their yard right away but it was officially for sale for 29 days. It sold for $584,000.

So Jason won, even though I feel like I was right, the annoying Bob Barker technicality that helps eliminate closest-to comparison math - screwed me.

Changing Seasons

My dad would be turning 62 today if he was still alive. I had to check all the dates and timelines and birthdays again with my mom on the phone this evening cause I still have a hard time believing that he was only 59 when he died - though I mentioned that fact when I spoke at his funeral, my mind seems to reject it.

I always associate the summer solstice with Dad's birthday since he was born on June 21st. I actually would normally wait until the radio or TV or friends or co-workers started talking about how it was the start of summer and I would know I should call him to wish him happy birthday.

Yes, Father's Day was Sunday, and his birthday is today, and it does feel like it has been a hard few days. It was harder last year when it all landed on the same day. Another difference this year, June 21st isn't the first day of summer. Everyone was talking about it on Monday, yesterday. I didn't know it moved. So, of course, I looked it up online:

A solstice happens when the sun's zenith is at its furthest point from the equator. On the June solstice, it reaches its northernmost point and the Earth’s North Pole tilts directly towards the sun, at about 23.4 degrees. It's also known as the northern solstice because it occurs when the sun is directly over the Tropic of Cancer in the Northern Hemisphere. 

Even though most people consider June 21 as the date of the June Solstice, it can happen anytime between June 20 and June 22, depending on which time zone you're in. June 22 Solstices are rare - the last June 22 Solstice in took place in 1975 and there won't be another one until 2203. 

The varying dates of the solstice are mainly due to the calendar system – most western countries use the Gregorian calendar which has 365 days in a normal year and 366 days in a Leap Year. A tropical year, the time it takes the Earth to orbit the Sun completely, is ca. 365.242199 days, but varies slightly from year to year because of the influence of other planets. The exact orbital and daily rotational motion of the Earth, such as the “wobble” in the Earth's axis, also contributes to the changing solstice dates.

I looked at all the summer solstice dates going back almost 50 years and forward more than 30, it usually is June 21st. Besides starting summer on June 20th this year, it always was a full moon, which had everyone quite excited - since it is pretty rare to have these things line up. I didn't notice anything special - just sadness, missing my Dad.

These Are My Guys

I am in a Fantasy NHL Playoff Hockey Pool at work. (We are using the Sportsnet platform.) I have done lots of hockey pools before, but just picking teams on the bracket, never actually choosing players. These are the guys I chose for the first round of playoffs that start tonight. (Hockey playoffs that don't include any Canadian teams! Not a single one made it, which hasn't happened since 1970.)

I first made my picks based on a combination of ESPN suggestions, former Leaf/Ottawa players whose names I recognized, names/teams that I like, etc. I decided that this didn't seem like a winning strategy so I reached out to Rob for some suggestions. I also got a lesson at lunch as to how 'player value points' work and heard about various strategies. I also now have some clarification on how points are determined. Then I made some changes to my original picks to end up with the players above. I wonder how I will do?

This has reminded me of making my Fantasy Baseball Team from the Brantford Expositor when I was really little. You had to cut out the entry form from the newspaper, fill it out, and mail it in. I always got Bon to help me with my picks since I only knew of Roberto Alomar and didn't follow baseball at all. I have no idea why I used to participate in that as a kid but I remember doing it for a couple of years in a row.

Friends Or Bullies?

"It’s the story of a family man, a man of science, a genius who fell in with the wrong crowd. He slowly descends into madness and desperation, lead by his own egotism. With one mishap after another, he becomes a monster. I’m talking, of course, about Friends and its tragic hero, Ross Geller. You may see it as a comedy, but I cannot laugh with you. To me, Friends signals a harsh embrace of anti-intellectualism in America, where a gifted and intelligent man is persecuted by his idiot compatriots."

--- David Hopkins,
How a TV Sitcom Triggered the Downfall of Western Civilization

AFK Not AWOL

I caught mild flu (really just a low-level fever and the aches and pains that go with that) which I have been battling since Wednesday. We are also working on the house a lot at the moment. So for these reasons I haven't posted for a while.

I didn't go AWOL (a-wall) since that stands for Absent WithOut Leave, and because I run Always Standing, I gave myself leave from it. I realized that for the past few years I have been saying A.O.L. for this concept, but that isn't right! No one says A.W.O.L., they make it a word/phrase A Wall. Also, AOL is nothing, it is just an old internet company America OnLine.

AFK is from the gaming/chat world and stands for Away From Keyboard. Jason and I have been watching The Guild on Netflix right now, so that is where the gaming short hand is coming from.

Demo Style

Demo started a little early. We invited some friends over this evening to see the house, have dinner together, and move a couple of appliances. Then, once the guys were in the coveralls, they couldn't help themselves from tearing up some flooring, pulling down parts of the ceiling, and demolishing walls. Totally understandable, how often do you get to destroy a whole portion of a house? And it seems like people are always doing it on TV!

Making Meth or Making a Mess?

Greg, Matty, Jason, and Rob

Friday March 4, 2016

Photo by Andrea

Weather From A Skyscraper

There is a building in downtown Toronto that lets us know the weather forecast. I love checking out the what the weather will be by looking at the Canada Life Building. The details aren't sent to our cell phones from a tower on the roof, information isn't displayed on a flashy HD screen on the side, instead you can figure out the next day's weather by knowing the code for the lights on the, quite phallic looking, stick at the top.


Temperature: Lights moving up means tomorrow will be warmer, moving down means it will be colder. If the white bands of light are staying steady there won't be a change in temperature.

Precipitation: The big square light at the top can flash and change colour: flashing red is rain, flashing white is snow, solid red is cloudy, and solid green is clear.

Even people who have lived in Toronto for a long time don't believe me when I tell them, but it is true, The Canada Life Building, located at the corner of University and Queen, has been a weather beacon for 65 years. The building is considered historical and was built in 1929. The tower part at the top that broadcasts the weather forecast was the first of its kind in Canada when it was built in 1951, and now it is the only one of its kind left in the country.

Travel Diary - Thursday August 6, 2015

Date: Thursday August 6, 2015
Theme/Title: As We Rode on the 10 Down to Venice Again
Overview: I bought a few eggs from the front desk at the hostel, 50 cents each, to make for breakfast. Teri and I then drove to Northern L.A. for a tour of the Warner Brother's Studio. Since we were near Hollywood, we made sure to drive past "the sign" on our way south again. We had a nice walk in Venice Beach, checked out the canals, went along the Ocean Front Walk, saw some interesting shops, handball courts, Muscle Beach, and had lunch. We spent the afternoon doing our final drive along coast. This stretch of the drive continued with what I loved yesterday:

It was what I had always envisioned for California. We passed through Newport Beach and Laguna Beach. We got to San Diego in the early evening, parked the car at a garage a few blocks away from our hotel and checked in. We were very close to the Gaslamp Quarter, which has tons of amazing restaurants. We went to one for Mexican. After dinner we returned to our hotel to watch the first half of a Scientology Documentary.
Woke-up: 6:00am at the Long Beach Hostel, just outside our room door was a view down the hall straight out to the ocean.
Transportation/Distance: Drove: 250 km
Meals: Scrambled eggs made in the hostel kitchen. Lunch on the beach, take out from El Huarique (Peruvian). I tried ceviches for the first time, (I had no idea what I was ordering) and it was amazing. Huge Mexico City Salad with Arranchera Steak from La Puerta with some margaritas.
Highlight of the Day: Just driving down the coast from L.A. to San Diego. Listening to music in the car with my best friend.
Lesson Learnt: The Greater Los Angeles Area is sprawling with terrible traffic, I am so grateful that Teri drove for most of the day.
Song of the Day: Drinking in L.A. by Bran Van 3000
Quote of the Day: Teri: This totally looks like it did on Laguna Beach... Yeah, I used to watch all those shows back in university. Chris: Hey, I can't judge. I watch The Bachelor now.
Night's Accommodation: The Sofia Hotel, in the financial district of downtown San Diego