R Is For Bunny

My mom spent a little time when I was younger doing cross-stich (this is before she discovered traditional rug hooking) and one of the things she made me was this alphabet (see image on right.) She used to say the marks on it was blood from pricking her finger with the needle, but then recently mentioned it was just from the age if it, so I don't know what is true.

I was showing it to Maya today, while Jason was holding it up, and she said, "A is for apple, B is for stuffy" and I was so confused until I saw that it was a teddy 'B'ear image. She is very young and not strong with letters or reading yet. She also pointed and said, "R is for bunny." 

Motherhood - Epidural

Excerpts from New York Times article 'Get the Epidural' by Jessi Klein

No one ever asks a man if he’s having a “natural root canal.” No one ever asks if a man is having a “natural vasectomy.”

“What are you trying to win?” What was I trying to win? I thought about it and realized — nothing. There’s nothing to win.

“There is science showing all the risks of an epidural!” Well, again, I am not a doctor, but I do have the internet.

There are so many debates in this life in which there is some evidence of one thing and also some evidence of the other. At such a point, you just have to decide to believe in and do what is best for you. So here’s a radical idea: Why not do the thing that makes you happy?

There is so much pressure on women around birth and labor and mothering to do it this way or that way. It’s so easy to believe the notion that having a baby demands complete and total self-abnegation, and anything short of that is not enough.

If you’re worried that skipping the pain of childbirth means you’re somehow cheating your baby, or yourself, you’re not. Because the truth is, life offers more than enough pain that you will not be able to skip. 

Yup, give me the epidural! There has never been any question in my mind, if I am ever giving birth I will be getting the epidural and any other pain killers/drugs they can throw my way. I like modern medicine - I like making pain go away.

I have heard the positives from the other side, friends and acquaintances that wanted/tried/had a drug-less birth or some variation. For the most part their reasons made sense. Rarely are these people conspiracy-theory hippies, or self-flagellating mommy-martyrs, though sometimes. For the vast majority they made (or tired/planned to make) a personal choice based on what was important to them.

What is great from all my conversations on the topic is that this seems to be very much a personal choice and an understanding that there are reasons to make the decision either way. Some pregnancy or parenting subjects have strong reactions, judgement, and opinions about right/wrong, unlike what the article suggests, I don't get the feeling that the choice to get an epidural is one of those.

Those who have been through it: Please share in the comments if leading up to birth, during, or afterwards friends, family or event strangers were sharing strong hurtful opinions about your choice to have or decline an epidural?

I am inclined to say, and have said, to someone planning on forgoing an epidural, "Are you crazy? What about the pain? I would totally get all the drugs!" Which I hope isn't viewed as hurtful, it is the same response I would give someone who is suffering through a headache and not taking an Advil. It is an expression of awe at someone else' pain tolerance and not a judgement about the choice they are making for their body.

In my experience, the most common reason against getting an epidural has been the ability to walk afterwards instead of waiting until the drugs wear off, and with that a faster departure from the hospital. Personally I love hospitals so that reason doesn't apply to me. Also I just absolutely hate pain, I used to take Tylenao 3s (from my high-school wisdom teeth removal) to get my legs waxed. Hit me up with the drugs! But you do you.

Motherhood - Regret

Excerpts from Maclean's article 'I regret having children' by Anne Kingston.

Amy deviates from the maternal script: if she could make that choice over again, she says, she wouldn’t. She never wanted children (“I was very independent,” she says)—her husband did. “It would have been a deal-breaker.” Parenthood put an untenable strain on the marriage; her husband wasn’t as involved as she wanted; they separated. Life is difficult, Amy reports: “Our child has two homes and I’m still doing 90 per cent of it on my own.”

Unsurprisingly, women who express regret are called selfish, unnatural, abusive “bad moms” or believed to “exemplify the ‘whining’ culture we allegedly live in.”

Brown called her children “the best things I have ever done” and assured readers she wasn’t “a monster” before expressing conflicted feelings: “What I’m struggling with is that it feels like their amazing life comes at the expense of my own,” she wrote, expressing remorse for “this life I wanted so badly and now find myself trapped in.”

Feeling trapped or suffocated is a common theme in Donath’s work; mothers felt “as if the metaphorical umbilical cord binding them to their children were in fact wrapped around their neck.” Many women said they felt pressured to have children.

Simultaneously, the demanding, exhausting, self-sacrificing and often thankless work of mothering [...] has never been more restrictive, scrutinized and questioned.

Research debunking the myth that babies have a bonding effect on marriage or that children bring happiness: a 2010 American Sociological Association study found that parents were more likely to be depressed than their child-free counterparts, and that people without kids were happier than any other group.

Parental regret also highlights gendered asymmetry around parenting; while fathers are increasingly active in child-raising, most child care and housework is still performed by women, as data from StatsCan’s 2015 General Social Survey indicates.

Fathers’ regret tends to be expressed with their feet, says York University’s O’Reilly. “They walk away.”

“Men’s identity is never collapsed into their parental one; if you’re a bad mother, you’re a bad woman. If a father is late at daycare, it’s ‘Poor thing, he’s busy.’ A mother who’s late is viewed as selfish and irresponsible.”

“The reality of motherhood is incontinence, boredom, weight gain, saggy breasts, depression, the end of romance, lack of sleep, dumbing down, career downturn, loss of sex drive, poverty, exhaustion and lack of fulfillment.”

Motherhood - The Housewife In Literature

Excerpts from Ladies of Leisure: The resurgence of the housewife novel by Laura Miller:

It’s a wonder that anyone has the nerve to write about housewives at all anymore: Not only are these women bored, but they have been universally declared boring.

The readership for fiction is and has always been predominantly female and middle-class.

She is a wife and mother, roles that seem to have taken over her identity. Yet she looks down on women like that—most of whom, she can’t help noticing, are better at being wives and mothers than she is.

A 2014 novel that, while not technically about a housewife, wrestles with the same conflict between family life and self-determination, and it’s clear that the theme is enjoying a minirevival of sorts.

It’s as if such women can no long support a full-fledged novel, as if it’s impossible to imagine that these women could be happy, but equally impossible to take their unhappiness seriously.

But the housewife does have one last thing to offer novelists: An opportunity to flaunt their literary technique. The housewife is to the novelist what the still life is to the painter: a subject whose banality will take a back seat to her creator’s display of virtuosity.

She passive-aggressively rebels against her joyless, lonely existence in an unwelcoming foreign land by falling into a series of affairs.

To be so materially lucky that you’re not allowed to experience any discontent at all turns out to be just another way of being swallowed up by your social role.

She’s bored. She’s anxious. She’s guilt-ridden. She’s exhausted and frustrated and probably depressed.

Perhaps she’s refusing to acknowledge her own freedom, or perhaps she knows something the rest of us don’t. A lady of the house, a woman of leisure— with all that anyone in their right mind wants—she’s still dissatisfied. So have been many housewives before her, and so are many housewives today. But before we condemn them for their perversity and their tedious complaints, it’s worth remembering this: That’s always been one of the reasons they read so many novels.

Just Read

I like this graphic from Indigo, even if it is just a call for consumerism. Buying books is awesome, but remember libraries! Still, the love of reading is one of my greatest joys:

I have a couple of comments about it though; firstly, everyone incorporates rhymes before the age of two - babies love rhythm, that is what lullabies and nursery rhymes are all about. Also, I hate the idea of rereading books, I really don't want to read the same thing for a second time that day. I am hoping that I will be able to continue to refuse the reread, but I know that repetition within the day is inevitable with children. I hope to stay strong and only read something once a 'sitting.' As long as there are enough books around than there will be tons of options - remember libraries!

New Year's Resolutions

2017

- Eat Better (Less carbs, more vegetables!)
- Cook More (Cut done on eating out)
- Save/Make More Money (Going to need to read Gail again)
- Post Daily (Always Standing)

What are yours?

Wedding Lost And Found

We have some items from the wedding that weren't ours. We hadn't started to figure out whose they were because we thought maybe we could add it as a little note on the Thank Yous asking people, but thought I would post about it here. With almost 150 guests on Toronto Island it would be difficult to check with everyone. Also, this weekend we figured out two of them!!

Wedding Weekend Lost And Found

Found items had been left on Toronto Island:

Item Found: Two, very nice, black travel thermos/water bottles
Claimed by: Faye and David

Item Found: Tortoise-shell style reading glasses
Claimed by: Faye

Item Found: Two-sided make-up mirror on a stand
Claimed by: The hotel's. Ended up at our house by mistake.

Item Found: Interesting grey folding square wheelie cart
Claimed by: STILL OUTSTANDING

---

Item Lost: Jason's iPod
Last Place He Remembers: Media area in the AIA Clubhouse
Found: Taken by Aunt Dan by mistake and returned.

Item Lost: Two of Jason's, very nice, long stick umbrellas
Last Place He Remembers: Mum's hotel room

Our Vows, Part 1

Jason and I agreed on a format for the wedding vows that we wrote - 6 pairs of statements. Each of the 6 vows would start by stating "I love you because.." with reasons why we love the other person, followed by a promise phrased "Because I love you..."

We wanted to be surprised up at the alter (not that we had an alter at our wedding) so we separately wrote them and didn't show each other. So that our guests could follow along with what we were saying, and so we could have a nice copy of them for prosperity, we did have them published in our program. We both submitted them to Kristen who covered them in all our proof reads and edits of the document.

These were mine:

Jason, I love you because you are fun and playful. 
Because I love you, I will not have an expectation that you must entertain me. 

I love you because you don’t let me get away with everything. 
Because I love you, I will not manipulate or lie to you. 

I love you because you are smart, hard working, and constantly reading. 
Because I love you, I will give you the space and quiet needed to be yourself. 

I love you because you have witnessed my grief and held my hand. 
Because I love you, I will work hard to stay healthy so you won’t experience my depression. 

I love you because you are kind and affectionate. 
Because I love you, I will build a family with you. 

I love you because you make me feel so calm. You are my home. 
Because I love you, I will support you, care for you, and share my life with you, as your partner - always.

A New Toilet - No Pictures

I forgot to do Before and After photos of our recent min-reno at Casa Verde. We got a new toilet! What is most impressive is that Jason installed it totally himself, I came in to assist with some listing and bolt holding at a couple points but for an hour Jason just went to work - took out the old one and installed the new one.

I gather it isn't a difficult thing to do - I have read that it is an easy DIY, the guy at Home Depo said we would have no trouble, Jason was very confident he could do it - but I was really tempted to pay a plumber to do it. Especially since we already have a plumber coming in to do some other small things around the house.

It was a total role reversal, normally I am the one saying that we should tackle a project ourselves, borrow the tools, look it up online, figure it out. Jason is the cautious one who is more inclined to hire someone in. This is the dialogue that finally convinced me to have Jason do the install:

Jason: Switching out an old toilet for a new one is really easy.
Me: We could just get the plumber to add it to his quote.
Jason: I can totally do it.
Me: Have you done it before?
Jason: No, but it won't be a problem, I got this.
Me: Are you sure? I really think we should consider finding out how much it would cost to have the plumber do it.
Jason: Don't worry, if Mike can do it, I can do it.
Me: Mike who?
Jason: Your brother.
Me: Oh yeah! Mike did switch the toilets himself at his last place. Oh, for sure! You can totally do it!

Propelled To Learn

I have mentioned way too many times on Always Standing that I love to learn, so much that a single link to a post exemplifying this wouldn't be enough - I say it all the time, because I mean it. I just read an article that ties this to my ADHD, and I totally agree:

"We need to be careful about what we label as a disorder. When it comes to ADHD, for instance, there is growing evidence that ADHD individuals achieve very good outcomes by normal social standards. The popular-culture stereotype is of an ADHD (often "ADD") person superficially clicking from one channel or Web site to the next. An alternative vision is that many ADHD individuals adapt and end up using their cognitive profile to propel themselves from learning one piece of information to the next, and in fact end up better educated and maybe better situated to deal with the social world as well."

--- from Autism as Academic Paradigm by Tyler Cowen in The Chronicle of Higher Education, July 13, 2009.

A Shitty Correlation

I read somewhere that a correlation has been discovered between taking your cell phone with you to the bathroom and getting sick more often. It makes sense. I am guilty of this on occasion, it can be an easy way to pass the time, I think taking your cell to the toilet is one of those things that some people  feel really strongly against and super grossed out by - and now we know that those people are healthier.

Little Weekend Project

Warmth For The Mind

Stacked books in the fireplace at Casa Verde - June 2016

Photo by ME

Winning The Lottery

I just finished readying The Happiness Equation. I didn't connect with it the same way that I did with the various books by Gretchen Rubin. However, I think it would be incredible to Neil Pasricha speak; I got the sense from his book that he would be a very powerful speaker. Neil is also the person behind the website 1000 Awesome Things and the subsequent Book of Awesome series (I think Erin AH gave me the first one a while back.)

One of the interesting concepts or "Secrets to Happiness," presented in The Happiness Equation is learning to like what you have. He basically says that our constant desire to want 'more' is stressful and a barrier to happiness. Focus on being happy with what you have, where you are, and who you are in the present, he calls this Secret to Happiness, "Remember The Lottery."

-

We live on the only place that can possibly support life.

-

Being alive means you've already won the lottery.

-

You are among the wealthiest people in the entire world. The average world income is five thousand dollars. Are you higher than that? Then you're in the top 50%. And if you're higher than fifty thousand dollars you're in the top 0.5%. Do you need much more than 99.5% of people alive? You either have the money to buy this book or you have the time to read it. Either way, you have it good!

You already have more than almost everybody on the planet.

-

You have to remember the lottery.

Because you've already won.

-

By Neil Pasricha

Could You Read This?

------- From Facebook

I think this is another example of a "you are special" trick where pretty much everyone is special. The image above was accompanied by text saying; "90% of you can't read this." Though, it could be a comment on the fact that less than 6% of the world's population speaks English, or maybe a discussion about general literacy? I read it pretty quickly (but my style of reading is a bit different since I tend to skim anyway.) Did you have trouble deciphering the short passage above? Let me know in the comments.

Friends Or Bullies?

"It’s the story of a family man, a man of science, a genius who fell in with the wrong crowd. He slowly descends into madness and desperation, lead by his own egotism. With one mishap after another, he becomes a monster. I’m talking, of course, about Friends and its tragic hero, Ross Geller. You may see it as a comedy, but I cannot laugh with you. To me, Friends signals a harsh embrace of anti-intellectualism in America, where a gifted and intelligent man is persecuted by his idiot compatriots."

--- David Hopkins,
How a TV Sitcom Triggered the Downfall of Western Civilization

Peru Pic - A Llama And An Alpaca!

This is one of my personal favourites from my Peru trip, not because it is a particularly good photo but because I love llamas and alpacas and this picture features both:

Llama (top) Alpaca (bottom)

Ccaccaccollo Women's Weaving Cooperative

Read Mom's Post about our visit to this village

Ccaccaccollo, Sacred Valley, Peru

Photo by ME

Both of these animals are Camelids from South America but they are different. I think I love them equally.

LLAMAS
Scientific Name: Llama glama
Weight: 300 lbs
Height: 4'
Ears: Long, banana-shaped
Fleece: Coarse outer coat over softer inner coat
Face: Very little hair on a long face
My First Experience: My mother reading Is Your Mama a Llama when I was a young

ALPACAS
Scientific Name: Vicugna Pacos
Weight: 150 lbs
Height: 3'
Ears: Short, spear-shaped
Fleece: Very fine single coat
Face: Large tuft of hair that falls into eyes, furry face
My First Experience: ERin and Anne enjoying an Alpaca Star Wars YouTube Video in Ottawa

Getting There And Getting Home

Colouring And Kindle

Cruz Del Sur Bus Station - Lima, Peru

December 2015

Photo by ME

I made use of one of my Christmas presents, an 'adult' colouring book, during down time while travelling to Peru. I coloured on planes and during layovers, while I did try during the bus ride I ended up agreeing with Jason that it was "extreme colouring" and that I would end up going outside the lines with all the bumps. The Kindle that I got Jason for his birthday this year never seems to need to be recharged, he plugs it in once a month or so!

Our travel to Peru from Toronto, in an attempt to keep the trip costs as low as possible, was a lengthy and complicated ordeal. An overnight flight to Mexico City led to a full day layover; so, we put our heavy carry on luggage in a locker and took the subway to the historic district to explore. Another overnight flight to Lima meant that we had enough time to make our way to the bus station and find some food before the late afternoon start for the 22 hour bus ride over the mountains to Cusco. The same happened in reverse - but we spent the day in Mexico City booked into a hotel trying to catch up on sleep.

I don't regret the lengthy and difficult travel choices. Even though we could have paid more for shorter layovers or a more direct route or even flown straight to Cusco, financially the cost savings of doing it the hard way still matter on a tight 'house-buying' budget. I enjoyed the adventure of our route and I won't pretend that this method wasn't exhausting and at times frustrating; but I never want to stop travelling. I am willing to make sacrifices in order to save money and continue to explore the world.

TB - April 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

APRIL 2007

This is way easier to read than the last Throw Back post when I was deep into a serious depressive episode. In April of 2007, lots of my friends were commenting on posts, especially Steph, and I can often still hear their voices in my head when I read their words. I am am excited to learn more about the late Spring and Summer of 2007. It seems like it was a month when I was figuring out summer work and trying to find a new roommate. I can't really remember what happened! Was that the summer I started at GeoConnections? Was the new roommate Jake? It is strange how hard it is to put together a timeline 9 years afterwards. Guess I will have to keep reading to find out.

Noted Post: Near the end of the month I posted about a late night interaction with Taylor. I can remember the good-bye that I described and how touched I was by her sweetness and slurred compliments. It was a very strong moment, early on in our friendship. I like that, 9 years later, she is still reading my blog.

Ritual And Happiness

According to my Book List 2012, I was reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project in February of 2012 and I was quoting it that same month. I really liked the book and have since passed it on to friends to read. Teri liked it. K had a very adverse reaction to it and in fact couldn't finish reading it. I do agree with many of K's points but I still found the suggestions insightful.

I just started another 'self-help' style book by Rubin, Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives. I love rituals and routines (I don't like to think of them as habits, though they are) so it has been an enjoyable read so far.

My love of rituals drew me to the title of a recent Time magazine article: 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy, According to Neuroscience. As detailed in the article, these rituals are:
- Feeling gratitude
- Labeling negative emotions
- Making decisions 
- Touching 

I am pretty good at the middle two on that list. I am very decisive, which eliminates a lot of the worry, anxiety, and stress that I see in less decisive people. Years of therapy, with various practitioners, has helped me identity things I am feeling and I try to acknowledge them aloud. I don't really like 'touching' and am not a fan of hugging. Luckily, I think Jason fills enough of that component to keep my happy.

The thing that I really really need to work on is the first point of the article - gratitude. It shows up everywhere as an important factor in happiness!! Scientist prove it all the time that it helps with depression and anxiety. It isn't that I take things for granted (though I do) it is just that the idea of gratitude doesn't have a permanent place in my life. Actually, with less and less people practicing religion, rarely does anyone take time to be grateful for the things in their lives. "Things I am grateful for" seems like a boring journal or blog to keep but is scientifically proven as beneficial to do. I need to work on it somehow.

Travel Diary - Friday August 7, 2015

Date: Friday August 7, 2015
Theme/Title: California Girls
Overview: I woke up early to go to a free yoga class offered at the hotel - there were just two of us and it was very enjoyable. We had breakfast at the healthy cafe next to the hotel. Teri and I drove to La Jolla for a kayaking tour we had booked online. It had been cheaper to get a double kayak instead of two individual ones, so Teri and I shared. I was in the back 'steering' since I am heaver. Our tour featured the 7 Caves and the guides were amazing, we learnt a lot about the local culture, history, geology, and marine life. We even saw Dr. Seuss' house. The kayaks fit in the last of the seven caves and the guides took us in a few at a time. There were so many sea lions!! They were jumping in and out of the water, rolling around, playing everywhere, even really close to people swimming and snorkeling nearby - we were so close I was scared of accidentally hitting one with my paddle. Unlike elephant seals, the California Sea Lion is small and super cute. On our way back to shore, Ter and I tipped in the shallows from the waves. Besides getting ourselves soaked, Teri's SLR also got wet but luckily the case kept it dry enough. Ter and I had both assumed that the kayaks would be the covered type but they were not. I got a terrible burn on my shins since I skipped the sunscreen there, assuming my legs would be tucked under plastic. After the tour we spent the rest of the afternoon lying on the beach. Teri helped me with math problems from my GMAT book and we read - it was so sunny, warm, and beautiful. In the early evening we drove for a bit around the shoreline looking for seals but didn't see any. We went to the Old Town for dinner and had Mexican again. Back at the hotel we finished the Scientology documentary before bed.
Woke-up: 8:30am for free yoga at The Sofia Hotel
Transportation/Distance: 2 hours kayaking. Minimal driving.
Meals: The Power Bowl from Tender Greens. Frozen yogurt on the beach. Burrito at Los Locos in Old Town.
Highlight of the Day: Seeing the sea lions was so much fun!
Lesson Learnt: That the 'J' in La Jolla is pronounced as an 'H' and the double 'L' is a 'Y' sound. So instead of La Jolla it is pronounced La Hoy-a.
Quote of the Day: Me (driving) to Teri (navigating) "Oh, so Juan like J-U-A-N? Yeah, we have passed that street like 5 times. Sorry I had been looking for W-A-N-D. When I kept seeing J-U-A-N, I thought that was Jew-An Street. Grrrr, Spanish."
Night's Accommodation: The Sofia Hotel, San Diego