TB - September 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

SEPTEMBER 2007

Settling into a full-time job, at GeoConnections, and going to school in the evenings (I am going to meet Erin AH and Jenn soon ... pretty sure they are both in the class I mention attending.) Looks like I signed up to help Kristen at The Charlatan and that I quit Subway, did I end up going back to Subway later? I have a hard time leaving that chain.

There is a quote from my dad! I don't exactly remember where or when or the context in which he was saying it but totally sounds like something he would say. Probably was on the phone. Sadly, I can no longer hear how his voice sounds in my head, it left quickly and I hate that it is gone. 

Noted Post: The I Can See!! post describes one of my favourite personal anecdotes, I remember it happening and I still laugh about it to this day.

TB - August 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

AUGUST 2007

This month saw some considerable shifts, I made the decision not to go back to Carleton full-time and instead took a contract extension with The Department of Natural Resources. I do detail my plan to take two night courses, which I think is where I meet/met Jenn and Erin. (I also feature an adorable photo of the other ERin at the start of the month.) The other change is that Anna and Wes moved out, which I remember being sad about.

Also, I mention Brian and Tina going to Japan, but I can't remember who these people are. Did I meet them at school, or work, if so which work? Were they friends through another friend? The link that I reference in the post is long gone.

When doing these Throwback posts I like to edit them and provide updates, mainly adding in more tags or fixing spelling. Grammar and editing wise I had to do a lot with paragraphs and spacing, what was I thinking? Did I believe that I was writing stream-of-consciousness, and if so that it didn't need to be put into paragraphs?

Noted Post: I don't think the writing is very interesting, but I love the photo of my smile in the Humour post.

So Many Babies

I am always slow to get out congratulations, and this past spring has seen a whole pile of babies. So here are the new humans in my life (not alphabetically, not chronologically, literally in no particular order):

Nic and Drew have expanded their beautiful family one further, bringing Canada a new little wombat. I have only met her once but Rosie is just the sweetest. They are all renting The Cottage next week so can show the new little one their 'Beach House'. (Photo Right)

Christopher keeps bringing us Canadian content and just a few weeks ago became the proud father of Elliott. He lives, with his lovely wife Heather, just a couple of doors down from James and Mike so Elliott will be able to spend lots of time with his cousins Ava and Aiden. And the grandparents are around the corner too - such a cool city family - it is the Toronto dream.

Canada Day celebrations were even more special than usual for Pat and Michelle, who spent the entire day in labour. Fitting date - as they have been known to host an epic pool party on it in the past. Liam arrived in the early hours of July 2. I am so happy for this little family and the many adventures they will have together. (Photo left)

I can't believe how much Henry looks like his dad Marc. Marc and Christine are up in Ottawa. Henry was born in March, quite a bit early I believe. But he is doing wonderfully, even if Marc is going to have him cheer for all the worst sports teams (Boston? Really?)

P and E also named their little boy Henry, who was born a few months ago. At the moment he is keeping a very quiet social media presence. I have had the chance to see him and can report that he is super cute.

Babies are going to keep on coming with Lauren due any minute and JennD expecting her second little one in the Fall.

An Epic Party

My Bachelorette Party was this weekend, a three day event planned by Teri and flawlessly put together for me by 11 amazing friends. This has brightened my summer into the phosphorescent. There are no words so how loved I feel, how grateful I am to have these beautiful, inspiring, women in my life, how much fun I had, how touched I was by each thoughtful gesture. My abs hurt from laughing, my face aches from smiling, and these are the greatest pains to have.

Thank you so much to Teri, Steph, Kristen, Tessa, Andrea, Erin, Jenn, Jen, Maria, Meghan, and Taylor.

Paper Productivity

On a quick step away from all the house related posts, I went to The Cottage this weekend to work on some wedding preparations. 

In order to keep our budget down, Jason and I are trying a lot of tips and techniques to cut costs. One of those is to do your own flowers. It was hard to find a good cost estimate but I knew that this was is an area that can cost anywhere from $500 to $5,000. It all depends on what specific flowers are chosen, whether they are in season locally or not, size and number of bouquets needed, and if any decorations or centerpieces are getting made.

Both Kristen and Jenn found ways to save on flower costs but still have beautiful fresh flower bouquets. Jenn got her's done by a grocery store florist, I know because I picked them up for her. Kristen's mom put her's together the morning of the wedding from flowers bought at a farmers' market. These would have been smart options for us as well but as soon as fresh flowers are used it means more work and organization on the actual day - bouquets using other materials can be done well ahead of time and don't add to the day-of organization.

So this weekend, using some outdated brochures that were going to get thrown away, Teri, K, Tessa, Kristen, Jeska, and I gathered glue guns and scissors around the dining room table down at Long Point and got to work. And work we did! Jason and I have a large wedding party so that meant EIGHT bouquets to make yesterday. We finished and they look great. See the photo above - paper roses, mainly in blue. One more thing to check off the list of things to do before the wedding.

My Opinion Of Wedding Trends

I haven't written a lot about wedding planning, it is ticking along slowly but in general I haven't been thinking about it - unless, I am actually thinking about it, then I am a bit stressed about it. It is strange that way. Jason and I have our locations sorted out, a general idea of what we would like to happen at the event, and most of the planning pretty much finished. Now it is just the doing, the putting together of things, the writing of things, actually making the wedding happen - not just planning for it.

Erin sent me a Buzzfeed post - 17 Trends That Appeared at Literally Every Wedding in 2015 - and I thought I would use it as a jump off point to start thinking and talking about wedding planning more on Always Standing.

1. Cupcakes
This is not a new trend, Taylor had them at her wedding four years ago and three years ago Mike and Aimee did as well. I think I saw them at weddings even before that. They are easier to serve and tend not to be as pricey as a big decorated cake, also some locations charge a 'cake cutting fee' which is ridiculous.

2. Peonies
I don't know how accurate my opinions can be about this list since I don't think I even went to any weddings in 2015, it has been a quiet year. However, I love peonies, we used to have the deep red ones in Paris growing up. What a lovely flower choice! So big and soft.

3. Sweet buffets
This is just an awesome trend. It too has been around for a while and is a great idea. I love candy.

4. Vintage suitcase for cards
This is all over wedding websites lately. The only time I ever saw it was at Kristen's bridal shower, which was travel themed so it made sense.

5. Wooden signposts
I have also noticed this all over wedding websites.

6. Ampersands
Oh, who doesn't like Ampersands?! I can't even use them here because they mess up the HTML coding on Always Standing. I don't really see how this is a trend, I am sure that is has pretty much been used off and on for all of wedding/writing history.

7. Naked cakes
Definitely a 2015 trend. I personally think that the icing is the best part of a cake, but then again a lot of wedding cakes are decorated using marzipan which is super gross. Marzipan makes the cake look very pretty and they can do great sculpture-like things with it, but it just doesn't taste good. So I like the choice of no icing over that, but really would prefer a good icing on there.

8. Those giant balloons
I guess these are a thing? Maybe not in Canada

9. Bunting
The first time I saw this was at Jenn and Jon's wedding. It was so pretty. The one that they had hanging up was very delicate, usually on wedding websites the type of bunting shown is more casual.

10. Wildflowers in jars (bonus points for twine and/or lace)
Hey, bet this is cheap to do! Though I am sure it is often done by florists, venues, and event planners at a massive wedding premium, which sort of defeats the whole purpose.

11. Blackboard Signs
It is a bit 'hipster' but it they are washed off and reused then it is a great idea. Often it is more of an aesthetic look than true blackboards.

12. Bridesmaids in multiway dresses
I used to have a multiway dress, actually more than one, and they are awesome. However, having different types of styles in the same fabric, like we did at Steph's wedding, or even having the same dress with different necklines has been done for a while.

13. Birdcages
I feel like these were big in the 80s, but then at the same time they can be quite hipster too.

14. Wedding flipflops
This is expensive and difficult to do - think about all the different sizes. It is a fun idea because heels hurt! I always bring my own flip flops to weddings.

15. Light up letters
I have not seen this at an actual wedding but it is a big thing right now, for both weddings and home decor. It is probably all over Pinterest (which I don't have) and I have definitely seen it on Buzzfeed.

16. Photobooths
For a while people would bring in the old-school mall-style photobooths sometimes, but now lots of people just have their photographer set up one during the reception. These are a really fun idea, not a recent trend and not a passing fad. If anything the video booths are less common and the photobooths are around to stay.

17. Mismatched bridesmaids
This doesn't happen as much as this list suggests. Maybe different necklines like I mentioned before, or different dresses, or even different shades within a shared colour - but full on mismatched isn't that common.

A-cute Angle

-----------from Facebook (found by Jenn)

Physically Too Old To Game

I found a really fun game! Actually I have been waiting to buy it for a long time. Last time Jason and I went to Ottawa, Jenn and Jon showed us Prison Architect that they bought on Steam. It looked like a lot of fun - a combination of zoo tycoon and sim city. However, when we got home and I researched getting it, the cost was pretty high. Steam has a summer sale so I decided to wait for that to get it. The sale happened last week and I got the game for a great price.

The problem is that I am now addicted and can play the game happily on my computer, in my own little world, for hours. I haven't felt this way about a game in a long time. Lately the games that I have been into have been on my phone (or Jason's tablet): Theme Park, Pet Shop Story, and Trivia Crack. I can really get into these games but I don't feel that absorbed and each time I play it is only for a short period of time.

My love of Prison Architect reminds me of playing games like World of Warcraft or The Sims. Staying up too late. Wishing I was playing instead of being at work or school. Long stretches of time focused on the computer. And in true game addict style I was up until 1am last night, stretched out on the couch, laptop in my lap, designing my prison for hours. When I finally decided to go to bed, standing up was painful. My lounging position had cramped a bunch of muscles. I definitely don't have the energy or stamina to game like I used to, or I need to find a really comfortable/ergonomic position to do it in.

Bracketing Thirty

Happy Birthday to two of the greatest friends I could ever ask for!

I am back from a quick trip to Ottawa. Jason and I drove up for the weekend. We got to celebrate two birthdays and see a lot of people. I miss my friends from there so much and it never feels like enough time: brunch with Heather, a quick hug from Justin, Erin AH stops by for a party. It was also great to stay with Jenn and Jon, in their new home they purchased this past summer.

It was a prime weekend to catch people on their birthdays! We didn't choose specifically to go up for that reason; we hadn't been in a while and it was a weekend that worked. Anna turned 29 on Friday and I left work early to ensure we could make it in time for a bit of the party she was having (got a quick catch up with Wes too which was nice.) Steph is turns 31 today, though we mainly celebrated last night with games, nachos, pizza, and pie. A quick visit with her and Dave this afternoon to toast some cupcakes before the drive back to Toronto meant that I did get to see her on her actual birthday too.

A Week To Reflect

A week ago today I was shocked and scared by the news from Ottawa. A man had shot a soldier standing guard at National War Memorial and proceeded to enter parliament (where he was killed by the Sergeant-at-Arms). For much of the day, downtown Ottawa was on lock-down with police looking for a possible second suspect. These events have be weighing heavily on my mind and I figured it was time to write down my thoughts.

The Soldier

The young man shot at the Memorial died. The news was heart breaking. Every death of a soldier is tragic, every one of the thousands of Canadian soldiers who have died in our nation's 150 year history is devastating. This death captivated the nation and photographs of him still appear in the news. He reminds me of my brother in his early military days - young, similar skin tone, shaved bald head, deep 5 o'clock shadow, and the same big smile.

My Brother

As my brother prepares to take a more covert role in the Canadian Military, he becomes more secretive. At one level he has changed his name on social media and on another he sometimes leaves for extended periods of time and is unable to tell us where he is/will be. I wanted to be assured of his safety last Wednesday as images of police and military rushing around Ottawa dominated the news. Aimee assured me that they were both home safe, in Edmonton. I then proceeded to have the following text conversation with Mike:

Me: Why are you in such a scary profession?!
Mike: I would be bored doing other stuff. I wish I was at the hill right now.

Ottawa Friends

I felt an overwhelming need to reach out to my friends in Ottawa to check that they were okay and to tell them how important they are to me. I tried to reach, via text and email, Steph, Dave, Anna, Jenn, Erin AH, Heather, and Marc. News that some were in lock down was worrisome and delayed responses more so. I love them all so much and am relieved that everyone is well.

My University City

I lived in Ottawa from 2003 to 2010 and I love the city. What shook me up first and foremost was my connection to the area. Talking to my mom on the phone, my voice caught when I said, "But it is Ottawa, I lived there." I am connected to many cities but while horrific events like these should never happen anywhere, my impression of Brantford or Toronto or lots of other Canadian cities is a bit different. Ottawa, like my experience growing up in Paris, represents peace and perfection. This felt like a gross violation of the place itself.

Hockey

I can not get over how important of a role Hockey played in the aftermath and even during the event itself. The Toronto Maple Leafs were in the capital to play the Senators and I heard some some news outlets that they had heard gun shots from their hotel. (I suspect they were staying The Chateau Laurier which would have been right in the middle of it all.) At about mid-afternoon the NHL announced that the game that evening was cancelled. There were tons of tweets about it, almost as though that announcement really solidified what was happening and the gravity of it. It takes a lot to cancel a hockey game. That evening the hockey game played in Pittsburgh between two American teams, Penguins and Flyers, sang the Canadian national anthem in support. The following morning on the bus, I overheard a gruff construction worker say to his friend that the gesture was beautiful, "it brought a tear to my eye." Then a few days later, Hockey Night In Canada on Saturday opened with a beautiful joint ceremony joining three rinks across the country giving solemn tribute. I found the entire event especially well done and very appropriate. I even appreciated Don Cherry's discussion on the matter.

Our Values

I want our country to learn from this incident and respect what it means. I have spent many conversations lately discussing the idea and claim of terrorism, my thoughts on which I will share in a different post. However, I don't want this event to change us to the point that we loose our values as a nation. Justin Trudeau gave a speech on the evening of the attack and I feel that it is a solid expression of my thoughts. You can read the transcript on the Maclean's website. Here are some of my favorite parts.

Criminals cannot and will not dictate to us how we act as a nation, how we govern ourselves or how we treat each other. They cannot and will not dictate our values. And they do not get to decide how we use our shared public spaces.

To our friends and fellow citizens in the Muslim community, Canadians know acts such as these committed in the name of Islam are an aberration of your faith. Continued mutual cooperation and respect will help prevent the influence of distorted ideological propaganda posing as religion. We will walk forward together, not apart.

In the days that follow, there will be questions, anger and perhaps confusion. This is natural, but we cannot let it get the better of us. Losing ourselves to fear and speculation is the intention of those who commit these heinous acts.

My Solace In The Instant

Being far away with confustion surrounding the situation, I found comfort from two things last Wednesday:

The Breaking News Consumer's Handbook

By Alex Goldman

and the often reference quote by Mr. Rogers:

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, 

my mother would say to me, 

"Look for the helpers. 

You will always find people who are helping.” 

-- Fred Rogers

Jenn & Jon's Wedding

So, this post has been a long, and I mean long, time coming; I wanted to add photos and I am glad I did, because Steph (and Dave's) photography was an amazing part of the event. When Jenn and Jon sat down to plan their low-key wedding, having photos was an important part for Jenn - as a couple they don't have many pictures, it is a perfect time to capture a beautiful time in a relationship, wedding photos also mean photos of friends and family, and the reasons go on. I think calling and booking Steph was one of the first planning steps Jenn and Jon made. The wedding was on July 14, 2014...

This is my

smart,

beautiful,

hilarious,

and loving

friend:

Jenn

I am not great with dates, but I think JennD and I met in early 2008 at an evening Mass Communications course at Carleton. (It was the same course that I first met Erin AH in.) Jenn met Jon very shortly after meeting me, so I feel like I have been there through the highs and lows; to see them reach this amazing point in their relationship is very exciting. Their future is looking so bright and joyful.

The weekend of her wedding, Jason and I drove up to Ottawa on the Friday evening and stayed with Steph and Dave (pretty much a given for a visit to Ottawa - I have my own room there, which is tulip picture free.) Early Saturday morning I had to be at Jenn's place to help her get ready - I was so honoured to have been asked! I dropped Jason off at the park that was the site for the wedding, since I had volunteered him to help set up. Before going to Jenn's, I picked up her flowers. The bouquet was beautiful, I choked up at the shop when I saw it. (I choked up a lot throughout the day, and was quite emotional - she look so beautiful and it was such a special event.) I got to her house just as the stylist was putting last minute touches on her hair. After make-up and some last minute wedding logistics, I helped her into her dress and tied the back (Left), which took way longer than the 5 minutes we had scheduled to do so.

I drove Jenn to the Ornamental Gardens, where her and Jon were doing a 'first look.' Normally this is a very private event (and it still was) but I stayed around a bit to hang out with the happy couple. The way a 'first look' works, is that before the wedding (or in Jenn and Jon's case, before their party; they got legally married at Ottawa City Hall earlier in the week) the bride and groom meet up to see each other - often this event is captured by the photographer, and sometimes they are the only other person there. The first time I have ever heard of it was for Steph and Dave's wedding; the photo I chose to post on Always Standing to announce their marriage was from their first look. I am a huge believer of this concept, it is a much better idea to have the first look and do a majority of the photos earlier in the day before the event starts.

Anyway, Jon waited for Jenn (Right) at the bottom of these beautiful stairs, and she walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. It was magic. I had to hurry back to the park though, so as to be there when the couple arrived, and also I had to get changed.

All morning I had been wearing sweatpants so as to be comfortable when helping the bride, who at one point ask, "I'm not judging, and it is casual, but is this what you are wearing to my wedding?" I finished doing my hair, changed into my dress, and did my make-up in the park's washroom, all of which took about 10 minutes. I hung out with Jason, Erin AH, her boyfriend, and some awesome co-workers from Justice. Soon, the couple arrived, walking across the grass towards us (Left) while the crowd blew bubbles. There was some more photos with guests and then the food started. Jenn and Jon really wanted to serve a great meal and so much of the lunch they had prepared themselves; salads, barbecue, treats, etc. It was such a fun summer afternoon, spent with great friends.

All of my love and best wishes

to the happy couple,

Jenn and Jon!

Photos by Stephanie Beach Photography

Copyright 2014

Wait A Bit Longer

One more week of delay before I finish writing about J and J's wedding but it is because I think that it is important to have some corresponding photos and it is make the post take longer. Stay tuned!

J&J Wedding Recap Next Week

I want to write a quick recap, from my perspective, of the two amazing weddings this summer. However, it feels like a lot of pressure. I want to write these posts so well - I keep postponing them. It is more important to just get my thoughts and impressions down, and stop worrying about doing a good job. I promise to start next week with these guys:

Jenn and Jon

Wedding: July 12, 2014

Photo by Stephanie Beach Photography

Copyright 2014

J&J's Wedding Invitation

Jenn and Jon also wanted to 'be green'. So they sent out electronic wedding invitations. Emails were sent to friends and family that included the following image. (It was an Irish wedding.)

Wedding Wednesdays!

There were two beautiful weddings in my life last month:
July 12 - Jenn and Jon
July 26 - Teri and Greg
There are lots of things to share from these amazing events (especially Steph's photos) so I will spend the next few Wednesdays going over all the fun details.

If Two Was Looking For A Job

------------ from Facebook (posted by JennD)

Turning 30

It is Steph's birthday today! She is turning 30, and is the first of my friends (not counting Jason, Jeska, James, or JennD) to do so. Okay, so she is the first of my friends who I think of as 'the same age as me' to do so, and who's name does not start with a J. (Sucks to be born at the start of the year sometimes.) She is calling it her 29+1 birthday, which is a bit like Anne saying she is 5'13". On her blog she did a bit of a recap of her year and included a photo collage, which Jason and I are a part of! (We are the kissing couple in the sparkler heart.) I hope the Steph had an amazing birthday and the her 30's are as great as her 20's were.

Happy Birthday Steph, I love you!

A Kitty Star

Steph has been busy with wedding's lately - shooting them, not having them. So, Stephanie Beach Photography has become more focused on couples, weddings, etc. However, every now and then, she finds time to do a mini photo shoot with a pet and they are almost always my favourite photos. (This is mainly because they are often my pets.) Recently, Steph put a few photos of Dymphna, JennD's cat, up on her blog. They are adorable. My favourite are the last two with her doing a little trick. The pictures are super cute but I was also at the Halloween party and saw her do this first hand.

This Caturday - Check out Impromptu Cuteness 

HERE

Why I Don't WANT An Engagement Ring

In connection with my previous post, Why I Don't NEED An Engagement Ring, I thought I would write about the more personal side of my lack of desire in having this item at some point in my life. In JennD's Facebook post about the issue she also stated, "I'm so glad I have my beautiful claddagh ring given by my family in the traditional Irish way." I think that is the most important thing for all relationships, engagements, weddings, and marriages - Do what you want! Do what means something to you (individually and as a couple).

Aside from a very select few friends who for various reasons aren't interested, pretty much everyone I know wants or wanted an engagement ring. And that is great! It is a beautiful gift to give and to receive. The boyfriends, fiances, and husbands of these friends all wanted to buy and give one too. It isn't a conversation you have often but I am sure in the intimacy that is a relationship at the level of engagement each of these couples have different meanings for the ring and the girls wanted them for different reasons. I am so happy for them, it is amazing to watch people you love have their dreams realized.

Here is the thing, it isn't a desire I have, it has never been a dream of mine. So unless my future fiance has anticipated the exciting moment that he buy and give an engagement ring since he was a little boy - like really really wants to - something he has hoped for all his life. If not, then I don't think it makes sense for me. For the following reasons, moving from practical to the more personally vain/stupid.

1. For all the reasons listed in the previous post: I don't like what it symbolizes, I don't believe in the tradition since it isn't longstanding or meaningful. They don't actually contain or maintain their perceived value. They are not an investment and even if they were how would that investment be realized (you aren't going to sell it upon retirement.) Mainly, personally, I don't like how unequal and gender based the practice is. OTHER SIDE: Put your own meaning on it, link the tradition to your more immediate family, it is a reminder of a very special moment in your life.

2. The cost: I don't want that money spent on something I would wear. There are so many things that I could think of to put that money towards, including the actual wedding itself. I can't imagine buying an item of jewelry for more than $200 and I am only stating such a high price because I can see value in a nice watch or higher quality earrings because of metal sensitivities. I have a hard time spending more than $40 for jeans. As I age, and gradually make more money, I am sure the amount I spend on what I wear could increase, but never to the amount that most of these rings are. OTHER SIDE: If you want something than the cost doesn't matter. Value is different for everyone. Good budgeting can usually make something affordable.

3. It is common place: I want to be unique. So, I am obviously moving on to the less practical reasons. (I am not going to provide the other side of these reasons, mainly because they are so personally connected to who I am.) I like the idea of being special. I know that it is inaccurate and arrogant but I want to think of myself and my relationships are being different than others. Engagement rings are so expected, to not have one would be a bold statement of individualism.

4. I don't like jewelry: I rarely wear it. I actually often find it uncomfortable or bothersome when wearing jewelry. I have to keep it on permanently (sleep, bath, constantly) or I would forget to put it on. I barely notice it on other people.

5. I have webbed fingers: Maybe this is the root of it all. I hate rings. The only one I ever really liked was the one I got from high school and I was really really picky about it (and still don't wear it often.) I like my hands, but I wouldn't want to draw attention to the specifics of my fingers. You can't see the webbing (most predominately between the ring and middle finger on the left hand) unless you really look and I am spreading my fingers out. However, as soon as I put a ring on the fact that it rests, often cockeyed, between my knuckle and bottom of my finger is very evident. It always looks terrible.

So, there you have it. I don't need or want an engagement ring. But a wedding band is a different story and in the far far future when I might have to deal with that I hope to figure out a way to resolve the webbed finger issue.

Why I Don't NEED An Engagement Ring

JennD posted the following video on Facebook, and in her lead up stated, "I hate the commercialism culture so much that tells us what we have to buy, how much to spend, yet people truly believe the lies of advertisements." In a sense I agree with her, and I have never wanted an engagement ring. However, it is not really for the reasons shown in this video:

(For a highly researched, well written, interesting, and comprehensive article about the issues touched on in the video, read Diamonds Are Bullshit by Rohin Dhar.) I have heard these explanations before. In fact, Teri and Greg have detailed most of this for me; they even go further into the issues of diamond mining itself - something a lot of people are taking to heart. With the concept of a 'blood diamond' in mind, Dave was sure to get a Canadian diamond for Steph, and the two diamonds in Teri's ring are conflict free as well.

But it isn't the diamond aspect that bothers me, it is the engagement ring itself. I have very vain and personal reasons why I don't want one, which I don't have time to detail in this post. However, one of my main concerns has always been what it symbolizes. A point that this articles handles better than any I have ever read before. I find it hard to communicate my position or find others who have done it nicely for me - but this is close.

Diamonds Are A Girl's Worst Friend:

The Trouble With Engagement Rings

By Meghan O'Rourke

It is a short article, and it does cover a lot of the De Beers stuff mentioned in the video and discussed at length in the other article that I mentioned. It does also talk about "what the ring might actually signify" and "what it means." Why would this matter? I agree with O'Rouke when she explains, "Part of the reason could be that many young women, raised in a realm of relative equality, never think rigorously about the traditions handed down to them. So it's easy to simply regard a ring as a beautiful piece of jewelry and accept it in kind." But something with that much cost and that much fuss made over it, I want to really want, need, and believe in it.

I want to pause and make a differentiation between wedding bands and engagement rings - my thoughts on wedding bands are also for another post. I have always been bothered by the fact that only the women get an engagement ring, I like the idea of an engagement watch because it seems to even things out a bit. I am not a big fan of traditional gender roles and I try to challenge them in my own life as best I can.

Further explanation from O'Rourke, "Until the 1930s, a woman jilted by her fiance could sue for financial compensation... As courts began to abolish such actions, diamond ring sales rose in response to a need for a symbol of financial commitment from the groom... To be marriageable at the time you needed to be a virgin, but... a large percentage of women lost their virginity while engaged. So some structure of commitment was necessary to assure betrothed women that men weren't just trying to get them into bed... (Implicitly, it would seem, a woman's virginity was worth the price of a ring, and varied according to the status of her groom-to-be.)

On the face of it, the engagement ring's origins as a financial commitment should make modern brides-to-be wary. After all, virginity is no longer a prerequisite for marriage, nor do the majority of women consider marriageability their prime asset. Many women hope for a marriage in which housework, child-rearing, and breadwinning are equitably divided. The engagement ring doesn't fit into this intellectual framework. Rather, its presence on a woman's finger suggests that she needs to trap a man into 'commitment' or be damaged if he leaves... Nor is it exactly 'equitable' to demand that a partner shell out a sixth of a year's salary, demonstrating that he can 'provide' for you and a future family, before you agree to marry him. For those who aren't bothered by the finer points of gender equity, an engagement ring clearly makes a claim about the status of a woman's sexual currency. It's a big, shiny NO TRESPASSING sign, stating that the woman wearing it has been bought and paid for, while her beau is out there sign-free and all too easily trespassable, until the wedding."

I agree she gets a bit harsh and heavy handed. (More than a bit actually.) Though the symbolic root of it is there, I would never think of a woman wearing an engagement ring as being 'bought and paid for' - that is horrible! Not true at all in my experience. For me it still goes back the basic equality of image. In my case, I always think, "You wear that around for a year or two before your wedding, silently announcing to everyone that you are engaged; but what does your fiance have? How come they don't have any symbol of engagement? How come they choose when and where to discuss that aspect of their life but you are displaying it to all?" If he doesn't need it - than I don't need it.