New Plant

Ok, Operation Steal The Plant was a success. I snuck down into Le Manior's big sun room and took this really neat little tree thing that is Anna's and brought it up to my room. The Boy Roommate doesn't suspect a thing. He is supposed to be caring for it while Anna is gone. Though I doubt he waters it much since every time I see it (and give it water) it is dry as a bone. This continues the "Chris steals Anna's stuff" saga; after adopting her comforter, make-up and now plant. I think that this time it is a good thing because I will care for it better, and unlike The Boy Roommate water it on occasion. Because of its large pretty pot and exotic plantness it looks really good in my room with my other decor. British Colonial Africa. I also follow in that theme, and like the British take what isn't mine.

Back To Business

Faster Than Walking

"Bicycle bicycle bicycle

I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle

I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride my bike

I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride it where I like"

-Words and music by Freddie Mercury (Queen)

Slept It Away

Last night, in bed, I had composed my entire Mass Comm report in my head. When I woke up this morning it was gone, now I have no idea what to write.

Lambs

I visited the Ottawa Museum Of Agriculture yesterday. I had never been and hoped baby animals might cheer me up. There were lots of calves, and a bunch of baby sheep that had been born that morning. I took a few pictures, and really wanted to take one home.The lambs were the sweetest thing, they looked like little clumsy stuffed animals, and every now and then gave cute little bleating sounds.

Thinking Of Bonnie

I feel as though I have been transported into another family, Teri's family to be precise. My mom just put a plate of cut fresh fruit beside me while I work on an assignment. Many times when I visited Ter's house, in the evening, her mother (Bonnie) would bring around plates of cut fruit for the different family members to eat while they watched TV or did homework.

Best Boyfriend Ever!

Not mine, I don't have one, been living the single life. But Anna, she is one lucky lady. Anna is in France for the next few months doing a semester of school there. Her birthday in on Tuesday (Happy Birthday to Anna) and her boyfriend, The Boy Roommate, went to Paris to surprise her. Anna and I had each been trying to figure out what he was giving her for her birthday, and well this is way better than anything I could have imagined. After spinning an interesting web of lies to Anna, me, and his other friends, The Boy Roommate boarded a bus to Montreal, got on a plane and went to France for a surprise weekend trip. He had been planing this for quite sometime, and no one knew, had tickets and everything, very impressive!!

Bunny Manicure

Ami and I cut the bunny's nails this evening. This is an annoying monthly activity, but he is so cute we don't mind.

Great Clip

I have been following this baby polar bear story through Cute Overload (see Link on the right). Now Stephen Colbert has done a small segment on it. It is such a great Colbert clip. He breaks down and laughs, he shows clips of the adorable polar bear, he loves and hates the baby bear, and he uses a hilarious accent, it doesn't get any better then this folks.

Thoughts On Suicide - V

I found out today that the big fancy medical term for "Thoughts About Suicide" is suicidal ideation.

Getting My Hand Held

I just got back to my room, I would love just to sleep and escape again but then my life would even more messed up and I need to fix things. My mom came back with me and is staying for at least a week. Basically she is here to make sure I go to appointments and tell people the truth. I feel a bit like a little kid again, needing to get looked after. Hopefully soon my life will be back on track.

Thoughts On Suicide - IV

I have dragged my friends and family so far into this they they are as deep as I am. I worry that I'm ruining my mothers life and that I have distorted the happy go lucky nature of my father. I showed him tonight my true mentally ill self, tears and fears and all. I don't know if showing my dad who I am right now really made him understand, but I hope he gets how sorry I am to drag my mom into this. It is easiest to be honest with her, as honest as I an be at this point. I can tell her that the house doesn't contain a knife sharp enough to do the trick and that she can sleep soundly knowing that I will live until tomorrow, but she doesn't really sleep, she cries. I have become that child we all read about, the tearful crazy one that no loving parent deserves, but I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how I got here, and I don't know how to leave.

Sunless Tanner

I don't have big skin cancer fears (though I should since it runs in my family and I have the skin type for it.) I just have no money to tan in the winter, also rarely any time in any season for lying somewhere waiting to get brown. I decided to try that build a tan sunless tanner moisturizer thing. I got the Olay one because I figured they have the reputation of being a high quality company. My dad actually paid for it when I picked it up yesterday, before he realised it was 10 bucks, which he was then slightly annoyed about. I think I look better already. I little colour does a lot for someone.

Time At Home

These past couple of weeks have been the hardest in my life so far and as usual with me, for no real reason that I can figure out. In order to try and feel better and figure sometimes out, I'm spending some time at home. I took the bus into KW yesterday and he picked me up. Sadly though he then broke up with me which was a little unexpected and occurring at the worst possible time. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would or should have been, I guess because I also knew it wasn't really working. On top of hurt I feel really angry and bitter, which is strange for me after a break-up. One of my thoughts is "I shaved and waxed my legs for this?".

Thoughts On Suicide - III

Things change when you tell people.

Great Song

"End of an Act"
I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark,
When he made Pearl Harbor.
I miss you more than that movie missed the point,
And that's an awful lot, girl.
And now, now you've gone away,
And all I'm trying to say, is:
Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.
I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school,
He was terrible in that film.
I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part,
He's way better than Ben Affleck.
And now, all I can think about is your smile,
and that shitty movie, too!
Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.
Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked,
just a little bit more than I miss you.
-From "Team America World Police"

Thoughts On Suicide - II

What if the act of committing suicide itself bears little moral meaning? It is neither considered a weak nor a strong thing to do. It's just a choice equal to many other choices in life. The choice to marry, or not. The choice to have children, or not. The choice to live, or not.

Thoughts On Suicide - I

In China and Japan, suicide is traditionally viewed as a means of maintaining one's honor. It is an acceptable means to avoid bringing shame or dishonor upon an individuals family. It is often viewed as an honorable way to escape shame – especially because the repercussions of shame typically fall not merely on the individual, but to an immense degree upon the individuals extended family and even friends.

In North America, suicide is viewed as more of a misguided, tragic, and selfish act. It is often viewed as a a permanent solution to a temporary problem attempted by people who are in pain, mentally ill and in need of help. It is seen as taking the easy way out, and selfish because of the grief, confusion, and pain it causes in the loved ones left behind.

I think that is could also be considered selfish to wish to keep someone alive who would rather be dead but I think that the idea of suicide does only exist in the mentally ill and that the mentally ill are in need of medical help. I can understand the desire to unburden your family or feeling that the world would be better off without you but that the reality would be that suicide would cause such great pain and torment to those you love. On this topic, I really relate to either culture, but I lean more towards the North American view, possibly because I was brought up here.

The Count Down

In just 5 more days I get to see him. It will have been over a month since I saw him last. During my trip I'm going to see Ter, Miss T, my brothers band, and hopefully my parents. I'm really looking forward to it, even if it does mean over 14 hours on a bus. It also means that I will be in KW for St. Patrick's Day, a holiday that has never really meant that much to me. I'm going to have to the Irish spirit and get into it.

Saw It Coming

As predicted, the parents are home from Europe and angry with me. I love them and missed them so much, and, well, they are disappointed in me. With just cause, as I haven't been to class in I don't know how long and have started to consistently hand in papers late. We are going to have a bigger talk on the weekend and I don't even know what to expect. I feel awful. I don't really care if they cut me off financially, which I think they are going to do. I hate to hear the anger and frustration in their voices.

Blew It On Day 6

I got sick of the soup and restrictions. I know everyone saw this coming. I went out for dinner to East Side Mario's with Kristin. I feel though that I ate moderately, and fairly healthy. I still have some soup left which I will continue to eat and most likely make again in a couple weeks. It is good to have a healthy staple like that around. Ami thinks it has helped a bit, says my skin is glowing. I don't know if I feel any thinner, but I do feel better knowing that I'm eating more vegetables and fruit now, instead of all carbs. I'm thinking I will say The Soup Diet was a success.

Life and Art

I have been looking forever for this quote about life I heard on the TV show House:

"I'm going to base this moment on who I'm stuck in a room with. It's what life is. It's a series of rooms and who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are."

Another great definition is the one for art, given to me by my English professor last year:

"Art is the continuation of the highly important discussion about life."

Escaping

I don't know why I do it but I have been running away. Mentally I have just been turning off and escaping reality. I play on the computer, watch TV or sleep for hours at a time. I don't know what I'm escaping from: work, school, friends, chores, life. It isn't like I work that much or that hard. My assignments are fairly small and not overly challenging. Obviously I love my friends, and miss hanging out with them. I just don't get how I can spend my nights in front of the TV or computer and my days off sleeping all day. I hate running away but coming back isn't going to be easy.

Great Movie

We rented Bon Cop Bad Cop the other night. It was a really cool movie. Ami didn't have much faith that it was going to be any good, but was laughing all the way through it. It was actually made with a decent budget so there were some explosions, you never see explosions in Canadian made movies, I was shocked. It was really well done. The intro by the director lead us to believe it was going to be a pretty boring badly done film, but once the the movie started I was blown away. GO CANADA!

Soup Diet

I made the soup last night. I started the diet today. Here's to my week of eating better!
Day 1 - Every fruit you want except bananas (soup)
Day 2 - All the veggies you want, baked potato w/butter for dinner (soup)
Day 3 - Combine day 1 and two but no potato (soup)
Day 4 - Up to six bananas, all the skim milk you want (soup)
Day 5 - 10 to 20 ounces of beef, a can of tomatoes(soup)
Day 6 - All the beef and vegetables you want (soup)
Day 7 - Brown rice, unsweetened fruit juices and vegetables (soup)
No bread, alcohol, or carbonated beverages - not even diet soda

No Grey's

There isn't a new Grey's Anatomy tonight, so I thought I would pop on the website to see why. I got sidetracked by a Quiz to tell me which character I am most like. It says I'm Callie. Which is ok, and the more I think about it, really really accurate. I also look the most like her of anybody on the show. Grey's Diagnosis is that "I'm direct and sometimes a bit much for people, but I just call it as I see it. Life's too short not to be lived to it's fullest and if that scares some people, then who needs them? I'm an all-or-nothing person, so people who can't commit have no place in my life. I deserve someone who loves me and lives just as hard as I do."

March Goals

Focus and organize my life, time and space.
WORK HARD at everything I do.
Sleep and eat well.