What to do?

I'm sitting here, and I have no idea what to do with myself. The problem is there are tons of things I could and should do, I just don't feel like doing any of them. I can't figure out what it is I want to do right now. I should clean the bunny cage, do homework, assignments, study, eat breakfast, do laundry, tidy my room or desk, brush my teeth, and get dressed. I could do anything I wanted like watch TV or a movie, write, paint, read, bath, workout, go for a walk, run or bike. I just am so bored and unmotivated. I have to work in a few hours too so that isn't helping. All this is making me cranky, and I hate being like that. It feels like I have been moody and cranky a lot more then usual lately, and I don't know why.

Night Out

Evening out with Ami. Laughing and Laughing and Laughing. Shhhhhh... Shhhhh...

House or Colbert?

This is an age old question, one of great importance. Which is more attractive House, from House M.D. or Stephen Colbert, from The Colbert Report? I have debated this back and forth. Who has the better body? more confidence? charisma? greater sense of humor and wit? Who would be better in bed? The questions flow and there seems to be no easy or simple answer. Both are such excellent representations of the perfect guy. Last night, after watching House M.D. I tuned into The Colbert Report and Stephen actually talked about House. It was an amazing television moment for all House/Colbert worshipers out there, male and female. [Link no longer active] In a segment about The Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse which mentions Greys Anatomy, Jackass and Justin Timberlake, hilarious. Funny as it was though, it didn't help with the question about which is hotter.

Goodbye Psychology

This morning I dropped my Psychology course and therefore my minor in Psychology as well. It was a low priority and I didn't enjoy it. There is just so much reading and I want to do well. I haven't even broken the seal on the text book yet, I will be able to return it and get my money back. So now I'm just an English Major with a Mass Communications minor. I have dreams though, big dreams. I want to work up north in the territories, do a school or work exchange to France, write my LSAT and go to law school, maybe even teachers collage. It is good to have dreams, today I dropped a class, tomorrow I will pick up the world.

When Animals Attack

At home, a large house in small town southern Ontario, I had a large upstairs room with three large windows. My bed was usually positioned in the far corner, a corner of two outside walls. There were squirrels, possums, raccoons, coyotes, or bears in the attic right above my bed. For the last couple of years that I lived there I could hear animal sounds. Mainly them eating the beams above my head. I had terrible visions of these wild (and possibly rabid) animals eventually crashing through my ceiling onto me in bed. Now here, in Le Manoir the huge house in the city, I have animals near my bed again. The are in the outside wall at the head of my bed, right behind me as I sleep. I know they are smaller, cause we are in the city, and because the space inside the wall isn't big enough for a bear or even a raccoon. I don't hear much chewing, alot of running, scratching, and general animal noises. I think it is mice, chipmunks, or squirrels. I'm not as scared anymore, just unimpressed, can't nature just leave me alone?

Fall

tiny red and pink
beating strongly
so small against the empty darkness

black
the soul has not rotted
the soul is gone
hallow

constricting inside me
choking consuming
stomach chest throat
mind

Hoes

It is hard to understand when someone in your life brings back into their life a person who has hurt them in the past. I have a number of guys I know and care about who right now are with (or semi-with) girls that they left in the past. They left them for good reasons, the girl had cheated or lied or they were a really bad fit as a couple. I had to listen to the pain and anger caused by these whores only to find out later that they were in a "positive" position again. Why take them back? Why even think about taking them back? Why complain to me and others about what horrible a person they are, if you are just going to date them again? I know relationships are complicated, and that this happens across the board, but it seems in my experience right now that guys are the dumb, weak, manipulated ones. People learn dammit! She is a lying cheating hoe.

Imax Dome

I hadn't ever seen an Imax movie in the Imax Dome, until today. My Aunt has been down for the past few days and I have been taking her to see the sights of Ottawa. Today we spent at the Museum Of Civilization, my favorite. Because Aunty Laura is a stamp collector we spent most of our time in the Postal Museam, which was really interesting and fun, since it was interactive. I got to play games, draw pictures, and fill out tests, I like to be amused. We also did a quick run through the Children's Museam, and wandered through Canadian Hall. The Imax movie we watched was Deep Sea. It was narrated by Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet (her voice gets annoying quickly). I loved the film, except they made the underwater sound effects too strong and very fake sounding. The photography was brilliant though, and I couldn't believe my eyes at some of the amazing animals. It was a beautiful film.

School Ring

I'm wearing my high school ring today, also my high school gymnastics hoodie but that is another story. The ring is on the ring finger of my left hand. I think this is where wedding rings are supposed to go, so I guess I'm married to my education, which is about right. I got the ring the year I graduated and it is beautiful. My parents got it for me from the downtown jewelry store back home. It is tiny, and has a little red stone in it, Garnet I believe. I wanted to change some things about the ring but couldn't. I wanted a ruby stone. It is silver and I would have preferred white gold. It is hallow, like most school rings, and I wanted it filled so it would be solid. I wanted to writing on it switched, the PDHS more indented then the year (2003), but the mold was for the other way around. I realize now that I love it just like this. I was being irrationally picky and snobby. It is perfect the way it is, wearing it is really making my day better.

So Fast

I biked to class today, it was so fast!! Walking in the winter from Le Manoir to Campus will be hard to do, so slow and cold. I could not believe how quickly I got there this morning though, I would be lying if I even said 5 minutes, it was more like 2 and a half. Most of the time was spent waiting for the light to change to go across the main street. Of course once I got to class the room had been moved across campus, what a pain.

Such A Lush

I don't understand it, every time Ter and I hang out, I get drunker. Her boyfriend and I were very out of it, but she just felt a little tipsy. It was a great weekend. I went to see "The Last Kiss", it was decent, if you liked "Gardenstate" you would enjoy it. We spent an afternoon at the St. Jacobs Market, which is huge and amazing. Went out for dinner and drank in the Waterloo Campus Bar. Sunday we drove to Guelph to visit Lina in her adorable stone cottage, she cooked and fed us (shepherds pie) like the incredible housewomen she is, also we stopped by at Teri's cousins little apartment. It was such a good trip, lots of hanging out and catching up with the Crazy T.

Happy Birthday Teri

-September 14, 1984- Teri, Crazy T, T*, Best Friend T, Ter is born
-September 8, 1991- Teri and I meet
-November, 1993- Teri and I become each others closest friend
-August, 2003- Teri and I leave our hometown for separate Universities
-July, 2005- Steph takes this photo and captures Teri's quiet grace and beauty
-September 14-18, 2006- I leave Ottawa to spend Teri's Birthday with her for the first time in four years

Looking Up

[Photo of wall quote lost.] I just spent the past few hours getting my notes in order from this past week. I'm feeling a little more confident about this school year and am not feeling as sick. I'm going to have a little nap before working some more at getting my life in order. The photo is of a recent purchase, it is a quote that sticks to your wall. I think it is beautiful and inspiring. I have placed it near my desk so I can see it as I work, it is perfect for an English Major. Although beautiful and bought in a chic home decor store, it is actually from Hamlet's famous soliloquy "To be or not to be" which is about his thoughts of suicide. To me the quote is amusing, slightly morbid, and beautiful. I love having it up on my wall.

Losing Control

I seem to be having issues again. Spending, health, class, etc. I don't understand, I can spend a full or half day being very productive and healthy and then an hour later buying things I don't need and can't afford, eating things that are unhealthy, or just skipping meals all together. I start running late for things, resenting class, and avoiding doing simple readings. I have no access to money (nothing in my bank account and credit card cancelled) so I'm going on my trip this weekend for T*'s birthday with no money to my name. I don't know what I'm going to do for food and bar cover while I'm there. I feel behind in my classes and they have barely started. I'm sick, I have a cold and sore throat again, so I'm just this unhealthy, wimpy, pathetic, idiot.

Intense Heat

Last night I went and did 90mins of yoga in a hot room with Alex and The Popeye Boys. It was insane, afterwards every inch of me was covered in sweat, every part of my tanktop and yoga pants were soaked. I felt so refreshed afterwards though, almost like a detox. It was at Rama Lotus Yoga Centre downtown and I would like to start going there to do classes in the hot room regularly. A hot room which is kept between 38 to 41 degrees Celsius. Literally I was doing a low impact workout in a sauna for an hour and a half, crazyness.

Fall Schedule

Sore Throat

I woke up this morning and my throat was a little sore. I thought it was just raw from screaming and singing when I was out dancing with Jeska and a bunch of friends last night. I think now that it is actually a sore throat. The discomfort isn't that bad, I'm obviously heading to work tonight because it isn't a big deal, but I would like to get over it quickly and have no idea how to. Can't I just be and stay healthy dammit?!

The End Of Summer

we wave goodbye
we start at school
our breath hanging in the air
I see the clouds
fall is here
winter soon on the way

we drink
we sing
fuzzy paths traversed again
a song from Phil
a dream away
our innocence a little lost

we live for joy
we live for love
the summer gone at last

Neck

My pretty throat, my pretty hands, but it is Ami's pretty necklace.

Before And After

I now have a nice clean room. Jeska is coming to visit tomorrow so I needed it to be presentable. Don't look too closely at the second photo because it isn't quite finished yet, still some laundry to put away and tidying to do. Over 4 hours cleaning, I think I will rest for a bit now.

Home Sweet Home

With working at The Cup over and done with, I can now actually live in Le Manoir with my pets, my girls, my huge stock pile of food, my bed, my computer, and my clothes. I will finally truly live in this beautiful house and hang out in my wicked huge room. It is true that the home is where the heart is, in that case my heart is still with W. in his tiny room downtown. So many people, pets and things that I love are here though, so my heart is going to have to move. W. can come visit me here for a change!

Final Thoughts On The Cup

As I sit here after my final shift at The Cup, I feel the need to pass on some wisdom to any employees who will come after me. Take my advice with a grain of salt though, since all this knowledge didn't make my time there any better. I still had a crappy summer, and feel it is the coffee shop student job equivalent of hell. But here are some things I have learned about working there, and dealing with The Owner:
**Do not get taken advantage of. Learn your rights and use the Labour laws to your advantage. This includes: shift length, breaks, time between shifts, sexual harassment, wrongful dismissal, vacation pay, etc. This is a good site "www.labour.gov.on.ca/english/index.html"
**If you are scheduled for a shift that is against your given availability, do not work it. Also, don't feel responsible to find your own replacement, explain the error, and that The Owner should correct it.
**Book off time, on the calendar, well in advance
**Be nice to customers at all cost. Don't take them too seriously.
**Do not wander around town constantly in your uniform, no matter how tempting simplifing your wardrob down to one black shirt and sweat pants may seem.
**Get to know your co-workers. Have fun with them on your shifts. Look out for each other, and work as a team. Play games. Learn what they like and don't like to do so you can work together.
**In terms of food and drink, when in doubt, pay. If you are paying, print out a receipt, put it in the cash, and sign it. The Owner sometimes likes to get accusatory.
**Come to work early. Be at the line, in uniform, at least 10mins before your shift. This helps with communication at shift change.
**If something goes wrong and it in anyway can be blamed on The Owner, do so. He barely takes responsibility for the business or his errors.
**Keep the smokers on the patio in their proper section.
**Change the grinds garbage often.
**Wear comfortable shoes.
**Do not take anymore responsibility, holding a key, opening and closing are enough. Any mention of management, leadership, scheduling, training, or ordering decline immediately, it is not worth the time and hassle.
**Above all, enjoy yourself and don't take make the job personal!

Food? Maybe Not Yet

I think I am on the other side of this bug that has been attacking me for the past few days. I just finished eating some oatmeal and hopefully it is a step in a healthier direction. Mind you I had a bowl of soup last night with some disastrous results, and this oatmeal isn't sitting all that well. I had thought I had food poisoning, but since Ami and now W. seem to be also sick I think it might have been a flu thing. I haven't heard of any bug being passed around, so I guess I started it. Go me for starting something, too bad it is something that is so very bad. It is also unfair since even though I hate needles I am always a good flu shot getting girl. This flu got me early though, they haven't even started with the shots yet. Man I'm ahead of the curve and starting a trend, who know I was so cool. Well, like all the 'cool' girls, I have to go throw up.

The Sweetest Thing

I think the sweetest thing is possibly Mike's blog post about Kristin and Loki [Link no longer active.] But a close second happened tonight (between my fevered and flu filled tossing and turning, since I'm still very very very very sick.) My dear friend started officially dating a guy she had been seeing. When I hugged her and said "Eeeek, you have a boyfriend." She replied with "It isn't that I have a boyfriend, it is that I have HIM." That is real folks, that is real.

Very Sick

I'm more than a little ill. I don't know what came over me, I was a little cold and my body ached a lot yesterday, but what ever this is it just totally hit me. I was walking downtown, after browsing a used book store with W. and had to run to a nearby sub shop, where I was sick. I have never been that violently ill in my life, it was awful. Now I'm just at home, resting and whimpering.