Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Meds For The Body And The Mind

I take two types of medication for my depression every evening. I know they do different things for me but I can never remember which does which. Well, after missing a dose of Effexor Thursday evening and having an embarrassing meltdown at work on Friday (starting crying for no real reason, went for a walk, couldn't stop, had to go home early) I now have a good handle on the different functions of the medications as they work with my body and brain.

Effexor - 3 pink pills - My Body
When don't take these drugs my body becomes depressed and tend to cry. Even while I am crying my mind is thinking, "But, I am happy. This is great. What the F is going on?" It is a very surreal experience to have your body react emotionally without feeling the corresponding emotions.

These drugs are a bit tricky because they are a heavy sedative. If I take them in the morning or during the day I pass out within about 15 minutes - they knock me out cold. I take them at night and when I forget to I have a tendency to just miss the dose. However, they have a half-life and deplete out of my system fairly quickly.

However when these drugs aren't in my system the effect is weird and embarrassing, not particularly dangerous since I still feel fine, my body is just behaving like I don't. I can usually take a does and that improves in a few hours.

Wellbutrin - 1 white pill - My Thoughts
My other medication stops what I consider to be the 'true depression' that I suffer from. When I miss it I start thinking horrible thoughts. I start thinking a lot of about suicide, not making plans, just obsessing about the concept. I think I am worthless and that everyone hates me.

I am scared to miss taking these pills. When I forget at night I take one the next morning and it doesn't matter. However I am very careful to avoid missing a dose. It takes a while for the drug to stop working and the thoughts to return. (And I don't really notice that it is happening, because it just feels natural to have these types of thoughts.) I think missing two doses is probably when it starts to really happen. But I feel like that is dangerous and I work hard not to let it happen.

1 comment:

Sweeton said...

Sorry to hear that happened. Horrible whether it is at work or not. Good motivation to stay on top of the meds.