Remind Me

I sat down last night and for the first time really doubted my decision to do grad school. I can't even remember where I was sitting, just so overwhelmed, the couch, my bed, somewhere. And all I could think, over and over again was, "I can't remember liking school. When was the last time I enjoyed this? I just don't want to do this. I find no joy in academics." These are crazy thoughts, I was loving my Masters a mere week ago, I love studying and reading and learning. ("I love to learn" being my main motto, along with "English Major, Whhhaaaat?!") But it is different now, everything is due! Big things, big big things are due. I actually want to start a countdown, and I hate countdowns - I am done all my presentations, still have 2 huge essays and 2 small ones. Then again the essays are not even particularly long, I have written longer, but the research behind them needs to be better, the writing needs the be cleaner, the argument needs to be stronger. I can't wait for it to be over, I want next semester and a clean slate. I need a fresh start. I need to remember what it is like to enjoy school.