That Is Life

"There is something about yourself that you don't know. Something that you will deny even exists, until it's too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason you get up in the morning. The only reason you suffer the shitty puss, the blood, the sweat and the tears. This is because you want people to know how good, attractive, generous, funny, wild and clever you really are. Fear or revere me, but please, think I'm special. We share an addiction. We're approval junkies. We're all in it for the slap on the back and the gold watch. The hip-hip-hoo-fuckin' rah. Look at the clever boy with the badge, polishing his trophy. Shine on you crazy diamond, because we're just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others." - From Revolver

Adderall

I'm running low on my newest prescription medication, Adderall. My pharmacy is not open again until the 2nd, so I have to pick the days until then that I take it. I didn't have it today and I'm feeling really down right now and have been unmotivated all day. It scares me for two reasons 1-Addiction 2-Connection To Depression. It was prescribed to me to help the depression but manly to help with my alleged ADD. Most Anti-Depressants are sedatives with exhaustion and long sleeping hours as side effects, this drugs helps fight that. I'm worried that it is a bigger part of my happiness then I had originally thought. This scares me for two reasons 1-I Now Take Two Different Drugs For Depression 2-Addiction. Basically this is a really addictive drug. There are warnings about it all over the net. Warnings that my doctor didn't give me when it was originally prescribed. In the US it is listed under the Controlled Substance Act as a Schedule II type drug, which means although it is legal for medical prescription use it has a high potential for abuse, and abuse of it can lead to sever psychological and physical dependence. Schedule I type drugs are illegal, and Schedule III, IV, and V have lower risks. I'm worried because it is slowly becoming clear to me that the days I take this drug are much better then the ones when I don't. It is terrifying to think I might becoming addicted to something or even that I need something so very much in order to live a happy and slightly normal life. How am I not dependent on it when stopping taking it leaves me in tears and pretty much unfunctioning? Then again maybe it is all in my head. (Sorry, bad mental health pun.)

New Era Of Santa

I didn't have to write to him this year (or leave cookies or a note, I'm really slacking.) Somehow Santa still found out that I wanted a digital camera for Christmas. I think he must have read my blog. I got a Nikon Coolpix S200 which is so tiny and so cute, and so very fast. It is faster then average when it comes to start-up times which is good since because of its shape (when turned on the little lens sticks out) I won't be just keeping it on like I did with my other one. It also has essentially no lag, which means I can capture moments instantly. I usually like to set up my shots but it is good to have a fast camera. It has 0.1 more mega pixels then I asked for too, as it has 7.1. I read a review about it and it seems like it will be a very good little camera which should keep me happy for the years to come. Eventually I do want a digital SLR, but this little guy will definitely provide me with good quality images until I can afford one far off in the future. I can't get over how tiny it is. I feel like James Bond.

Tear Jerker

I love movies that that appeal to both genders. One of my Top Five Favorite Movies is High Fidelity (Teri gave it to me for Christmas this year.) It is a great movie because although it is a romance and deals with relationship themes, it is from a male perspective, and guys like it. It is a chick-flick for guys. In the opposite sense I think of Man On Fire as a action-flick with depth. Not really for girls, but girls can love it because they can get behind the emotions of the story and the art of the movie. The cinematography and music is amazing, and is used in such a way that the graphic scenes seem a little less gory. My dad describes the end as a 'tear jerker' but I think this is an understatement as I was balling. I have seen it twice now and am shocked that it really hasn't gotten the recognition it deserves, it really is a quality movie.

So Cold

I just don't get it. I'm freezing. I live in Ottawa and deal with ridiculously cold temperatures all the time. -17 for most of this past week. I get into Paris and I'm dying. It is this damp -3 and it is killing me. This type of cold just gets into your bones and no amount of clothes or blankets seem to help. I may have take a trick from the homeless and just start drinking.

Nine To Five

Shot of me in my cubicle at work. Note the florescent overhead lighting, dull walls, and fake smile. I do love my job though, almost as much as the new white sweater I'm wearing. (Picture by The Prairie Girl)

The League

I want to bring back the 'league', as a unit of measurement. I thought I had posted about this before but a quick search of Always Standing and it seems I forgot to mention it. A league is a unit of length that used to be common in Europe and Latin America. It is the distance a person can walk in an hour, so 5.5 kilometres. It is no longer an official unit of measurement in any country, but I hope to bring it back to regular practice. I got thinking about it because of the Christmas Carol, Good King Wenceslas, one of my favorites. "Sire, he lives a good league hence..."

Winning

I tend to be averagely lucky. I rarely win door prizes or other such draws, but I sometimes do. Today at our office Christmas party I won a door prize. When I went up to the table I didn't really look around at them and just picked the biggest one. A rookie mistake. It was a big basket filled with different things, and was nice enough. The main problem was that it was tea themed, and I'm just not that into tea, nor is anyone I know. I ended up passing it on to my new boss. I had wanted to get her a gift anyway and but have run out of time, money and ideas. Although I gave it to her because I thought she may like it, or parts of it, I think she felt bad because she had been kidding with me about giving it to her. I also think it may have looked tacky to pass on a gift I had just won. As usual I'm totally in the dark with the office protocol and fumble around doing my own thing.

Leaving The Band

Little Brother Mike is leaving his band Our Lady Of Bloodshed, so I have removed that link from this blog as well. It is the month of link changes it seems. He is still helping the band record their next CD but will not be playing at any more of their shows. I think they already have a new drummer. Little Brother Mike is also thinking about selling his drums, I hope he doesn't. Control. Conform.

Radar Love

Today was the official launch of RADARSAT-2. This is a big deal here at Natural Resources Canada - Earth Sciences Sector as our Canada Centre for Remote Sensing partnered with The Canadian Space Agency and a private company to make it happen. It is an Earth observation satellite, a satellite specifically designed to observe Earth from orbit, intended for non-military uses such as environmental monitoring, meteorology, map making etc. RADARSAT-2 is intended to fill a wide variety of roles, including sea ice mapping and ship routing, iceberg detection, agricultural crop monitoring, marine surveillance for ship and pollution detection, terrestrial defence surveillance and target identification, geological mapping, land use mapping, wetlands mapping, topographic mapping. Oh the mapping, it is always about the mapping.

Missing The 'Is'

I have always hated when people talk or write in the third person. Christine hates it very much. In many drinking games in the past, rules have been created to force people to talk in this ridiculous fashion. I always get annoyed. Christine gets very annoyed when forced to speak in the third person. On the contrary to this, I actually really like the forced third person on Facebook's personal status feature. This little tag line at the top of a persons Facebook profile forces them to use the word 'is' and to craft a sentence in third person. Christine is thinking about all different drunken times she has been forced to speak in the third person. I love this about Facebook. Most people hate it, groups were made, petitions signed and Facebook listened, removing this feature. I'm now forced into a strange retro mindset where I will attempt to continue to use the 'is' in my status, partly as a protest to the change and partly because I have always liked the challenge of creating a little blurb using that dictated intro. Christine Sweeton is...

Moonlighting

The past two days I have been moonlighting as a Sandwich Artist. It is good to be back at Subway and I have served a few regulars who remember me. The free food is good, as is the ability to make it exactly as I want. The past two 15 hour days have taken their toll and I will be going to be very early tonight (as I do it again tomorrow.) My cool boss has said I will be back at the pay I left at, which is great. For the life of me I can't remember what it was though. I have not had the chance to type up any notes as I planned nor do I get a pay cheque for a while but I'm still happy to be doing it.

The Poverty Line

During a lunch time discussion at work yesterday somehow my placement on, below or above the poverty line came into question. As usual there were many people with many opinions and statistics, none of them accurate. After a bit of research I have discovered that I rest just above the poverty line (last calculated in 2005.) For an unattached individual, or family of one (basically me) who lives in an urban centre of more then 500,000 people (basically Ottawa) would be considered to be living in 'straitened circumstances' if making less then $20,778 a year before taxes. At my current job I clear that number by a couple of thousand, which really isn't much. If you work 38 hours a week you need to make more then $10.50 an hour to be above this line. This is very frightening as minimum wage is sitting at $8 right now. Statistics Canada claims that only about 11% of Canada's population is below this poverty line. I may not be under it right now but I'm close, damn close.

Back To The Sub

Tonight I'm closing at Subway. I have two other closes this week. I'm just helping out while The Cool Boss has surgery and people go away for the holidays. Jerrica is taking my laptop with her when she goes this morning and I'm heading over right after work. I hope to type up a bunch of notes from my course while I'm there earning an extra buck before Christmas and London. I have visions of huge pay cheques and productive nights of studying. These dreams will soon be shattered because it is Subway - money and productivity are not a reality. I think it will be a fun month working there again, and I am looking forward to it, mostly for the free subs.

Steph's Journey

I have added another new link. Steph has decided to publicly record her weight loss in a stand alone blog. Please see links to right to read The Road To A Better Me. Hopefully it will encourage us all to eat a little better and be more active. In it I am 'C' and reading the first post did make me cry, at work.

Link's Changing

You may have noticed 'My Links' on this page change over the past few months. I have had an unwritten (until now) rule in my head that if a website wasn't updating at least once a month or so then it got the axe on my links list. Therefore I have deleted Halley's Paris Blog, Ami's Blog, and B+T's Japan Blog. It is a little sad because Halley's was hilarious but once she returned to Tacoma she stopped writing. Ami is just an amazing writer, luckily I know she will never stop writing, she has just currently picked to do it at different outlets then her blog. B+T's trip is still ongoing but they appear to be using Facebook to keep up with everyone and not their blog. Time marches on, blog use slows down, and the links get removed.

Blast From The Past

I got a message from an old Paris friend, James. Oh the joys of Facebook! Our families are close and we bonded way back over a mutual love of Star Wars. Time has really passed, he is married now and has been a graphic designer for the past 5 years. He blogs as well and I have added his site, Modsuperstar, to the links on the right.

Late Late Thoughts

So far away
And nothings easy
No simple button
Life is distant
Survival isn't promised
Wishes don't come true
Who can keep a dream alive
When fighting the darkness
The ever coming darkness

White Trash Recipe

-1 lb of Ground Beef
(purchased months prior, must be over expiry date by at least 2 weeks)
-1 can of Noodles and Sauce
(larger pasta shapes work best, but Zoodles or Alphagetti is fine)
-1 can of Gravy
-1 can of Corn Nibblets
-Marble Cheese

1-Fry ground beef in large frying pan, drain fat
2-Add 3 cans
3-Heat to simmering
4-Serve topped with shredded cheese
Makes enough for 1 persons dinner with leftovers for a large lunch the next day.

--Chef's Thoughts--
"Wow, I'm poor."
"I was never meant to consume this much gravy, and never in this way."
"It seems to be better the second day, then again I'm very hungry."
"How is this not making me sick?"

Almost Rolling Stone

My article was published this week in The Charlatan, Carleton's student newspaper. Kristen tells me that it is worth the pain to see your name and writing in print. It really isn't. I wish the band the best, but am seriously going to try to stay retired from being a reporter this time. (See Page 21).

Iron Rings

It is hard to pick when to officially and publicly congratulate Steph and Dave on finishing their undergraduate programs, Bachelors of Engineering. Their convocation won't be until the spring, the diplomas will be given out in the new year and they finish school in a few weeks. Last week they were given their Iron Rings when they participated in The Ritual Calling of an Engineer. The pair are already wearing them on the little fingers of their working hands. So congratulations to Steph for her BEng in Environmental Engineering and Dave for his BEng in Aerospace. I know first hand how hard engineering is, I'm so proud of both of you!

Perfect Winter Day

Joy in having to step knee deep in soft powder, no shock to the system as boots fill with snow, worth the damp socks later. Life slows down. Walk across the large expanse of snow shattering the sparkles on its shimmering surface. Air not quite cold enough to be called crisp. Wind pinches the cheeks bringing a blush to beaming faces. Everyone has to get somewhere, bounding wagging dogs must be walked. Even old cars and forgotten lawn furniture look magical when covered in snow. Crunching underfoot, making the path a little slippery. Snow falls enough to look like a storm, not enough to catch on hair or eyelashes. Men laughing together, brushing cars and clearing sidewalks. The boss goes around office, telling those she finds to head home early. Catch the eye of a child, looking forward to another snowday, the rush of a toboggan hill. Forgive the hard work of shovelling or the longer commute, enjoy the quiet beauty. A snowfall they write songs about. A scene unpaintable, unable to even to be captured by a camera. Indescribable. It fills the heart and brings tears to the eyes. The perfect winter day December 3rd, 2007.

The Love Machine

The band I'm writing a profile on for The Charlatan is amazingly good. I'm not known for my good taste in music, actually I'm not known for any taste in music as I never listen to any. Seriously, I was the strangest choice to write on music for the arts section of a newspaper. Mind you, the editor didn't know I'm not a music person, which according to some makes me inhuman. I really feel that you should check this band out though. The Love Machine is from Ottawa and it is so important to support Canadian artists. I like their sound, but get back to me on it and let me know if you agree with my taste. You can find out more about them on their website and hear a couple tracks on their MySpace. Although I'm sure there are similarities between lots of Canadian bands. The experiences in this industry probably happen to everyone in it. But I think there are really cool parallels to Little Brother Mike's band (See Link on Right.) Both bands are all young guys in their early twenties, both the drummers names are Mike. Both just finished a tour out east, and have recently bought band vans. The list goes on. (Ignore the style of music, I only wish I enjoyed Our Lady Of Bloodshed as much as The Love Machine it would make me feel like a better sister.)

Interviewing

I can write, though I don't know what to do with that skill. I thought I had retired from working as a reporter, but I got contacted again from The Charlatan to do a last minute article. I stopped before because I hated interviewing and stumbled through the journalistic writing style, often missing deadlines. I really can't interview. I dread and hate it. This morning I wasn't as nervous as usual when I headed downtown to to meet the drummer of a local band I was to profile. Soon after though I was an awkward nervous mess, don't ask me why this happens as I'm crazy social and love meeting new people. Despite thinking the interview went terribly because I'm so bad at it, I was able to get more then enough information. On the bus ride home I tried to figure why I'm so sub par at this and it dawned on me, I can't totally throw the spotlight away. I'm so used to bringing my ideas or opinions to the table that when I'm interviewing a person and can't share my stories I get confused and uncomfortable. It feels horrible that I'm that self focused, but the truth is I don't know how to be completely un-self focused. I need to get famous and quick so I'm the one getting interviewed and not the other way around. I don't think I'm going to be a famous reporter though, I just don't have the full skill set.