Tech Question

I'm fairly dumb when it comes to computers, surprisingly not the reason I left engineering though. I have been trying to watch Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip over The CTV Broadband Network, Ter would be proud that I'm keeping my loyalty to the show. The broadband is being slow, not even ridiculous dial-up slow, but odd 30 seconds of show and then buffering for 10 before starting again. Why is this happening? What can I do to make it better? Any ideas?

Relaxing and Reflecting

I'm back in the O-town after nearly a week away. The trip was so much fun, I'm still smiling thinking about it all. I really love him. I'm going to miss having him around. It is good to be back to a normal routine though. Work, school, friends, repeat.

Postponing

I fought with him last night. I haven't been that hysterical in a very long time. Now this morning I'm thinking it over and realizing that even with that I have had a great visit. Since last night was so difficult, I would really like a nice evening before I head back home. I'm postponing my bus ride until late tonight or tomorrow. The reason I can do this is my professor just had a death in the family and canceled the two classes I was going back for. I send her my best wishes. Right now all I have is hope, hope that him and I can make this work, hope that I can get someone to take my shift tomorrow, hope that I can sleep on the bus ride back. So here's hoping.

So Cute

My parents gave me these slippers for Christmas. At the time I wasn't really all that excited about them. I have a pair of great fur lined moccasins they bought for me years ago in Alberta that I wear all the time so didn't really think I would use another pair. I threw these on tonight to run down into the basement to grab laundry. I could not believe how sweet they are, super cute, I love them!!

Gladys

The New Roommate told me about this moment on Ellen. I know I should find the thought of an 88 year old alcoholic sad, but it is just so very very funny.

Past, Present, Future

I'm thinking of him. At this moment, except for him, I have want for nothing. "Thus their talk of the future would often drift into talk of love, that is always timeless. On their lips, as in their hearts, would be words such as countless other lovers had spoken, for love is the sweetest monotony that was ever conceived of by the Creator." (R. Hall, "The Well Of Loneliness")

Sacrifice

I'm working a lot lately, pretty much everyday, often from fairly early until late at night. These hours have meant I have had to sacrifice a lot of things; time with friends, catching up with family, thinking about him, school work, quality of work, laundry, tidying and organizing of my room, my pets, keeping the house clean, etc. Basically so many things have been put on the back burner while I spend a couple of weeks working very hard to earn some much needed money. I realised though that one extremely important thing I have had to sacrifice is my television viewing. I missed House, The O.C, and even Grey's Anatomy this week.

Faces Of Fame

Movies are meant to be a big event. Film stars, as a result, are the biggest of celebrities, distant and mysterious. Movie fans are always left wanting to know more about them, many turning to gossip magazines and wanting autographs. Movie stars are envied and emulated. Films signal themselves as special by maintaining a distance between themselves and the audience. Television is the opposite, consumed more frequently and in the home, it tends not to be a special event. TV is familiar and friendly, its stars offer themselves almost as family members in recognizable situations. Audiences feel they know much more about television stars then those from film, they become a friend that is expected. The music industry connects with audiences differently still. Music tends to be directed more at emotions and setting moods. Songs often get connected to different events in the lives of their audience. Music stars, as a reaction to this intensity and emotional attachment, often have a charismatic authority. Fans of these stars care more about the emotions and values they represent then the celebrities appearance or personal life.
*Summarized from "The Audience" by Paul Attallah, an article filled with really interesting insights and theories*

Sledding

Winter has finally hit our nations capital, and it has hit it hard. Lots of snow and cold cold weather. The New Roommate, The Boy Roommate, and I went to Canadian Tire and bought winter toys. We came home, grabbed Ami and went tobogganing at the beach. The hill is super steep and there were a number of other people there doing the same thing. Running up the hill after laughing all the way down was quite a workout. Interestingly, everyone who was there sledding was well over 16. Even though he says that no one plays in the snow sober after the age of 8, we had a great PG-13 time. We had two Crazy Carpets and a Multioggan, which in order to use with more then one person you had to get into some pretty interesting positions, alright, maybe it was actually an AA-14 evening.

The Long Roller Coaster

I'm still trying to wrap my head around yesterday. It was such a huge emotional roller coaster and mental whirlwind. It started off early as I had to have a bath. I wanted to head over to the school, so Em walked with me, I haven't even seen her the last little while, let alone hung out. I went to the gym where there was a fencing tournament. A sport I know absolutely nothing about. We saw The New Roommate fence and it was just mesmerizing, fencing is so cute, interesting, sexy and amazing all at the same time. We didn't stay long since I was really tired. My nap, once I got home, was cut short by The Band showing up. We set up the house for sleeping. They are wild and crazy as only boys in an up and coming metal group can be. My Little Brother's Girlfriend and the other girl that came with them stayed at the house with me and we all prepartied. We caught the end of their set when we finally made it to the Cafe. The entire experience there was so intense. There was a violent mosh pit and The Band had two onstage injuries. I'm so proud of my brother and the rest of the guys, I was awestruck at how good they have become. I left rather quickly, without telling anyone, and somehow found my way back home. After passing out for a bit, I got to spend some time with Ami watching "Friends" and Em treated me to pizza, which we later shared with The Band. I got an angry call from My Little Brother Mike who had thought he lost me. Soon The Band came back and things became even more chaotic. The Lead Singer took off all his clothes, much to the dismay of everyone, then there was some naked fighting in the living room that I had to breakup. All this was filmed and I hope is not posted on YouTube. Everyone who slept downstairs had to wear ear plugs since The Bassist snores so loudly. The ear plugs meant a peaceful sleep for me but I woke up cold and confused.

I Smell Burning

Either the popcorn gods hate me or the second hand microwave I bought this summer isn't worth the dollar I paid for it. Since it is missing the glass plate that spins inside, in order to microwave popcorn you have to place the bag on a normal plate inside of it. I pressed the "Popcorn" button. It must be inaccurate, since it burnt. I threw out the bag and decided to try again. I hovered over the microwave listening to popping so I could stop it at the right time. Probably a dangerous decision, and I may now have cancer from our old, crappy and possibly broken microwave. Well the second bag actually caught on fire a little bit, I pulled it out and blew it out. Surprisingly the popcorn was still good.

The Ottawa Gig

Our Lady Of Bloodshed is My Little Brother Mike's band, they are playing this Saturday, please come with me to see him. The band is really good and my brother is awesome. I'm really excited about this.

Kitty Litter Olympics

I had to buy a jug of cat litter today since I'm out and Binx's box needs to be changed. I carried it home on the bus. In an effort to get home quickly, I took the 4, a bus that drops me off the farthest from Le Manoir, but goes the fastest. My arms were so sore from carrying this jug (and other groceries). It was quite an event. I just checked how heavy it was and it is 7kg of cat litter, which according to Em is about 14 or 15 pounds.

Winter Schedule

Red Blanket

Sleeping in "My Bed" at Steph's house. She knows how to treat a girl right, should have seen all the blankets I got.

The Cost Of Sex

Friday I got the HPV vaccine. There are no tests to detect HPV. Most people will have contracted it before the age of 50, but will never know they even have it. Most people who contract some form of the HPV virus do not have any symptoms. Chances are that there are no problems at all from the HPV virus. But some types of the HPV virus are considered "low risk" and can cause genital and anal warts. Other types are considered "high risk" and can cause pre-cancerous lesions and cancer in the cervix, anus and other genital areas. Obviously the virus is an STD but it can be spread through oral sex and even without any penetration. The most common transmission is skin-to-skin. Since condoms cannot cover all the skin surfaces around the genitals it does not guarantee complete protection against HPV.

Since this information is a little frightening I figured I would get the vaccine. You have to get a prescription for it, so I got to talk to my doctor. I really like her and she thought it was a good idea, she also spent the time checking up on my other ailments. The vaccine is called Gardasal and is really new. It protects against Human Papillomavirus (HPV) types 6, 11, 16, and 18. It is 100% effective against types 16 and 18, which are precursors to cervical cancer and vulvar/vaginal cancer, these strains of HPV cause approximately 70% of cervical cancer cases. The vaccine is also 95% effective against cervical dysplasia and 99% effective against HPV related genital warts, which amount to 90% of genital warts cases. It has been recommended that this vaccine be given to all girls when they are 12, but at the moment it is only on a request basis for women from 9 to 26.

The shot is administered intramuscularly, which means it tends to be put in the upper arm, and let me tell you it actually hurts. When I got it I felt the pin prick, which I always do with needles and hate, but that has always been the worst of it. After the pin prick they push the stuff in, you feel it happening, it burns and really hurts.

Like the Hepatitis vaccines you get in Grade 8, it actually takes 3 doses. I got one on Friday, and I have to go back for another in 2 months and the last after 6. Each dose cost $132.07, since I have a drug plan through my dads work I only paid $38.01. The entire thing will cost me $114.03 by the end, and I really don't think my parents are going to be footing the bill for my STD protection, since they already pay for my birth control.

Starting this process has left me with a sore arm and lots of questions. Did I rush into this decision? Are the benefits of protection and peace of mind worth $115? How much of a risk am I at anyway? Do I already have HPV, and if so what types? Why isn't it free like the flu shot? If I am getting back together with him, will I even ever be sleeping with anyone else ? Are we just over vaccinating ourselves? Isn't cervical cancer one of the easiest to detect? If I get it couldn't I just fight it like other cancer victims? How far will I go to ward off discomfort and death?

Being A Good Girl

I'm sitting in the campus library waiting for my next class to start. Despite the fact that the internet here is very fast and the screen is bright and new I find myself a little lonely, frustrated, and depressed. I hope the class goes by quickly and is fun, though I doubt it with this one. My last class was amazing though. Carleton and my life here sure has its ups and downs. Found out that M. is back in town, and most likely living in Res that is something new to get used to, so many changes.

Melting

The weather today is like springtime. Although it was fun leaping over puddles on my way to school, I have to say I'm wishing for snow. Everything is muddy and grey. It is warm and nice, but I want to go skating. It was particularly depressing walking through the park since the boards are all up for the ice rinks. Ami is right, Ottawa without snow sucks.

Back Home

I'm back in the O-town, so that means school and work. Hopefully I can grab a few people and go dancing this week but I'm sure that peoples money and energy has been zapped away by Christmas and New Years. The biggest issue right now is trying to unpack all my stuff without messing up my room again. Oh wait, the actual big issue here is that my laptop is still messed up and even though The Shop of the Future has had it since the 18th they still haven't figured out how to stop it from overheating. Right now I'm on The Boy Roommate's laptop so I can find out where I need to go for classes. Everything is cyclic.