Time To Share

I haven't given an update on what is happening in my professional life. Basically I have spent the last 6 months or more working towards opening a mini-donut business. This added element into my life is probably a major component as to why I haven't been posting as much on Always Standing.

I did so well in October, with the intention of spending November sharing information about my new enterprise publicly on this blog. But time slipped away and I didn't know how to explain to the world - using this medium - what was going on. My groups on WhatsApp and close friends over texts get lots of updates. I have sent emails to friends, family, acquaintances and work colleagues. I am using Facebook to share details. But writing about this donut venture here has been escaping me. (I am sure that most of my audience - that is even still around - duplicates from those I speak with more intimately.)

I realize that for me now Always Standing is a bit of a journal. A public repository of what is happening in my life. I don't want to stop writing because I don't want to lose the ability to look back at this time in my life, I love doing TB posts and the chance to see my thoughts from years ago. So the blog is going to continue as a means of documenting my life. There is over a decade of writing, can't stop now!

TB - September 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

SEPTEMBER 2007

Settling into a full-time job, at GeoConnections, and going to school in the evenings (I am going to meet Erin AH and Jenn soon ... pretty sure they are both in the class I mention attending.) Looks like I signed up to help Kristen at The Charlatan and that I quit Subway, did I end up going back to Subway later? I have a hard time leaving that chain.

There is a quote from my dad! I don't exactly remember where or when or the context in which he was saying it but totally sounds like something he would say. Probably was on the phone. Sadly, I can no longer hear how his voice sounds in my head, it left quickly and I hate that it is gone. 

Noted Post: The I Can See!! post describes one of my favourite personal anecdotes, I remember it happening and I still laugh about it to this day.

New Look Too!

For the past two and a half years, Always Standing has looked like this:

Before making the design change to the basic burgundy appearance above, the blog was purple and had a pretty filigree-ish pattern.  I think this new one has humming birds in the background - I am almost always using a split screen on my computer so the window for the blog is too small to see much of the edges. What do you think of the new peach-coloured look?

TB - August 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

AUGUST 2007

This month saw some considerable shifts, I made the decision not to go back to Carleton full-time and instead took a contract extension with The Department of Natural Resources. I do detail my plan to take two night courses, which I think is where I meet/met Jenn and Erin. (I also feature an adorable photo of the other ERin at the start of the month.) The other change is that Anna and Wes moved out, which I remember being sad about.

Also, I mention Brian and Tina going to Japan, but I can't remember who these people are. Did I meet them at school, or work, if so which work? Were they friends through another friend? The link that I reference in the post is long gone.

When doing these Throwback posts I like to edit them and provide updates, mainly adding in more tags or fixing spelling. Grammar and editing wise I had to do a lot with paragraphs and spacing, what was I thinking? Did I believe that I was writing stream-of-consciousness, and if so that it didn't need to be put into paragraphs?

Noted Post: I don't think the writing is very interesting, but I love the photo of my smile in the Humour post.

My Goofy Valentine

Cutting The Cake

Jason and Christine's Wedding Reception - September 24, 2016

By Stephanie Beach Photography

Long Flight

I had been thinking that the 11 hour flight between Paris and Cape Town would be my longest in air. However, Jason kept mentioning my trip to Asia. However, I flew from Vancouver to Beijing so it wasn't as far as doing a direct from Toronto - I didn't think it had been that long.

Looking back in Always Standing it turns out he was right, that flight to China was almost 14 hours long. (According to what I wrote on July 25, 2010.)

TB - Toddler Jason

Throwback Thursday with a twist! I thought I would post a picture of Jason that I found recently. Normally young pictures of Jason remind me of his current little nephews but not this one, because his face is quite round.

So cute!

He guesses that he was 3 or 4 and doesn't recognize the house. I remember when that type of wall paper and tile style were everywhere, definitely 80s!

Two Is 5

On her birthday, let's look back almost five years to a November 2011 photoshoot that Two and I did with Steph. She used to be a kitten but today Two is 5, which the internet tells me is approximately the equivalent of 32.

Two

By Stephanie Beach Photography
November 2011

I still love the photo on the bottom right, she is showing so much attitude. We both look very 'gangster.' Wow, was she ever tiny.

TB - July 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

JULY 2007

Oh to be young in July again! This seems like such a nice period of happiness after a long stretch of depression. I am not manic and sad things seem to still happen - I mention a crush that wasn't panning out, I think that was a colleague at Subway. In general though going through this month is a lovely read where I seem to have really found myself. Definitely immature, very 'newly independent' and living the student life-style. However, you can see the early stages of my friendship growing with ERin and Kristen. Also Steph and Teri left lots of comments and get mentioned in posts. It just looks like it was such a nice, easy, fun month. Makes me excited for summer this year!

Noted Post: I still love the post comparing Hamilton to Mordor, thanks to a funny comment made by ERin during lunch at GeoConnections.

Throw Back Post - Binx And Mice

In a follow up to the last post, here are some stories of Binx and her fun with mice over the years:
- Mouse Crisis
- Mouse Crisis, Part Two
- CRISIS, Mouse Crisis, Part Three
- Mouse Crisis, Part Four (She ignored it in this one.)
- Mouse Crisis, Part Five

And this cute one of Two
- An Urban Mouse Catcher
According to Aunty Laura, Rusty also likes to play with computer mice and hides her's under the furniture.

TB - June 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

JUNE 2007

This is such an interesting mouth to read. Also, I did 35 posts, my god! I made my first Found It post after losing something and finding it somewhere strange. It seems that I was into writing on Always Standing multiple times a day and making the posts very small. I guess I have gotten more long winded. Last Throwback Thursday I was wondering if  2007 was when I started at GeoConnections. When I read about starting an 'office job' it made me really wonder but I still wasn't sure. I was able to confirm it from the last post of the month where I quoted someone that I know was a co-worker there. So yes, 2007 was the summer that I started at GeoConnections, and I met ERin! (Anne joined us later on.) Then in September I made the decision to only do school part-time and stay working full-time. I am excited to read about all these big life choices that I made almost 10 years ago.

Noted Post: The quote from my brother about telling the truth. I remember being really close to him during this time in our lives. I miss that.

TB - May 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

MAY 2007

I figured it out, the new roommate was Jake! I still don't know if this was the summer that I started at GeoConnections though. May 2007 was the month that I went to France to visit Anna, which was an incredible trip at the tail end of a very difficult time in my life. I had been to Paris briefly in Grade 8 when I went to France over March Break to visit my grandparents, but had only stayed in the city for a few hours. This trip during university really solidified my love and I returned again with my mom and Jason a couple of years ago for another two week stay. Yes, in just Paris, I have spent two separate two-week vacations exploring the city. However, when I visited with Anna we did head out to Chantilly for a day and in 2014 we went to visit Versailles.

Noted Post: The moment that I fell in love with The Eiffel Tower.

Third Person, No Capitals

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A post about my Dad each Sunday, named after a song that he loved.

In one Sunday Mornin' Coming Down post I shared the last comment my dad made on Always Standing before he died. This past week I ran across a bunch of comments from him as I made my Throwback Thursday post for April 2007. Dad used to start his comments on my blog with "dad says" or "dad asks" or some other strange third person intro before leaving the comment.

I like the comment he left on (No) Thoughts On Suicide - VI, a post I wrote on April 2, 2007 as I was slowly healing from my most serious depressive episode. About a week later this comment was made:

dad said .it is great to hear you are feeling more on an even keel . love you . may the wind be on your back always . keep trying

TB - April 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

APRIL 2007

This is way easier to read than the last Throw Back post when I was deep into a serious depressive episode. In April of 2007, lots of my friends were commenting on posts, especially Steph, and I can often still hear their voices in my head when I read their words. I am am excited to learn more about the late Spring and Summer of 2007. It seems like it was a month when I was figuring out summer work and trying to find a new roommate. I can't really remember what happened! Was that the summer I started at GeoConnections? Was the new roommate Jake? It is strange how hard it is to put together a timeline 9 years afterwards. Guess I will have to keep reading to find out.

Noted Post: Near the end of the month I posted about a late night interaction with Taylor. I can remember the good-bye that I described and how touched I was by her sweetness and slurred compliments. It was a very strong moment, early on in our friendship. I like that, 9 years later, she is still reading my blog.

TB - Political Quizes

Last week I did the Vote Compass for this coming Canadian Federal Election. It was four years ago during the 2011 election that I first used this tool, here are all the times that I have talked about it, or similar systems, on Always Standing:

- April 21, 2011 - Research Your Vote

- December 7, 2013 - Confirmed Political Views

- October 2, 2014 - Thank You Vote Compass

- October 3, 2014 - Get In That Parade

- October 7, 2015 - Sitting Where I Should

Comparing my political leanings from 2011 to 2015, assuming that the parties have stayed roughly in the same position, it seems that I have become more socially liberal over the past few years. I wonder if living in Toronto has made me more aware of social issues? It is definitely a change that I am proud of, though hadn't really known had happened.

I was worried that, since tends to be the trend, as I got older I would move towards the right. Seeing that I was further to the right fiscally than the NDP made me concerned that this conservative shift was happening to me. Seeing my results from 2011, it looks like I was right of the NDP when it came to economics then too.

Remember to VOTE on October 19

TB - March 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

MARCH 2007

So, the difficult part of my 20s has finally arrived in the Throwback Series, it wasn't as scary to read as I thought it would be. It was truly a terrible time, but reading through the month it seems like I did have some positive moments.

Noted Post: The final post on suicide for that month, Thoughts on Suicide - V, is a really strong little statement. It looks like I was doing a really dark 5 part series. The last post would have been written after I started to get help dealing with the massive depressive episode I was going through. Just having suicide ideation explained to me was a small step moving in the right direction. There is power in labeling things.

Not Following Jack

Teri and I have done A LOT of road trips with each other. Sometimes with family, sometimes with other friends, and sometimes just the two of us together. I am so excited for our upcoming trip driving through the US along the coast of the Pacific. It is going to be epic!

One of the things we have done in the past is to read out-loud in the car. Teri can't read in the car because it makes her sick, and listening to music only gets you so far. I guess we could listen to audio books but I don't get sick reading in the car, so when not driving I sometimes read.

I can only really remember the time I read Tuck Everlasting out-loud because it was a particularly nostalgic choice; our Grade 5 teacher had read it to us. I am pretty sure that happened on the road trip out to Vancouver with Teri and her friend in the Spring of 2009. If not, than it was a few years ago, Summer of 2012, when Teri and I traveled around the Northeastern United States. Though maybe we picked a different book then, or maybe didn't do it at all.

Anyway, we have decided to revive the activity for this road trip and Teri suggested Jack Kerouac's On The Road which I am going to borrow from the library. Today I came across a really cool online article, called The Obsessively Detailed Map of American Literature's Most Epic Road Trips, and On The Road was one of the trips that was mapped:

It looks like part of the novel will take place in San Francisco and the southern part of California. None of the books listed followed the route Teri and I planned, but some overlapped parts of it.

TB - Curves Diet

I discovered The Curves Diet back in Ottawa. I was working out with JennB at Curves and decided to try their Weight Management Program. It was very easy to do when I was living with JennB, who did all the cooking. During the first half of 2010, 7 months, I probably lost about 40lbs through exercise and following the diet guidelines with absolute precision. Then I went on my big trip for a month and a half, during which I lost another 10lbs from all the walking, strange food, and still adhering to the basic rules of the diet. The last part of 2010 I moved to Toronto and started my Masters at Ryerson - the stress from that pulled off another 10lbs, leaving me quite thin. Over the next 5 years I have put that 60lbs back on and maybe a little bit extra. Off and on, I would try following the program again but never with the same dedication and gusto. I do like a lot of the recipes though. I decided last week to start again and have dove into it with my complete focus. I hope to see similar results as before, but recognize that it is slow going. Today, I decided to do a throw back to all the Always Standing mentions of the only diet that I have every enjoyed or been able to follow:

The Curves Diet

- Making The Switch : The first mention of the program
- The Undiet : Too much food
- Guest Writer - Blogging - Steph : Steph mentions the diet in a Guest Writer post while I was in Russia
- Final Week : It looks like I decided to start it up again during my last semester at Ryerson
- Fuck February : I don't think I kept it going very long that Fall but decided to try again at the start of 2012
- Back Under The Threshold : 2 years later it looks like I returned to the diet

This time will be different than my previous failed Toronto attempts. I am already being stricter with myself. Not only do I plan to keep going until I reach my goal weight, but I also vow not to eat a single french fry until my wedding day (on which I will have them as part of my dinner entree at the pub.)

TB - February 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

FEBRUARY 2007

I had been worried that the coming Throwback months were going to be upsetting. In fact I avoided doing this feature last week because I didn't want to read about that time in my life. It looks like the February was a calm before the storm. I really loved the classes I was taking, it was one of my better semesters, in terms of enjoyment of the material.

Noted Post: Birth Order - I remember pieces of the night I am describing in this post. I definitely remember Anna talking about videos of her and her sister as kids. A councilor Jason and I have been seeing mentioned birth order a couple of weeks ago, as it relates to relationships. It is an interesting concept to consider, but it really is only one factor in the context of a million others. (The fact that I am an oldest and Jason is a youngest is supposedly good.)

TB - January 2007

Throwback Thursday - Scroll to the bottom of the month and read up. Or click on the earliest post in the month (to view the post and the comments) then keep clicking Newer Post until you finish the month.

JANUARY 2007

Reading these Always Standing posts, from the page linked above, is a bit like watching a scary movie you have seen before, I know how it turns out but I am still upset to read about it again. I know what is coming. The early months of 2007 were terrible! It was the worst time in my life. I was dating S, and it was very unhealthy. But the bigger concern and danger, was that I was slowly spiraling into a massive depressive episode that would last months, and you can just start to see the hints of it coming.

Noted Post: I talk about vaccines so much, this is the month that I got my first of three Gardasal shots, the HPV vaccine.