Steph Won!

Steph sent me a text last night to say she had received a Platinum Award at The Wedding Awards! Steph and Dave have been attending this yearly gala in Ottawa since 2014, and she has won before. I couldn't find details about her 2018 win, except that it was also a Platinum Award, for best Live Moment - pretty sure the image was of a horse going after a brides bouquet. This year, she won for best Unique Photo. Here is the winning shot:

Award Winning Wedding Photo - 2020

by Stephanie Koning of Stephanie Beach Photography

Instagram: @sbeachphoto

So beautiful, such a cool shot too. (I think it was done using a crystal.) When I was with her in Virginia she had just gotten a few more interesting crystal shapes that she planned to experiment which, so I am interested to see how those images turn out. As always, you can follow along with her career using the link to her blog that I have posted over on the right, her Facebook page or Instagram.

Kaylee Is Such A Good Girl

Visiting Steph and Dave (both before and after doing Christmas with my family) so I finally got to see their new puppy!!

Meeting Kaylee - December 30, 2019

Quick snapshot with my phone

The funniest thing is that she doesn't like Jason at all!! Normally dogs are obsessed with Jason and love him so much, so her dislike of him was pretty refreshing for me. She wasn't super in love with me either but she didn't bark at me like she did at him. 

Also, she was a puppy in the summer and she is much larger now. I am sad to have missed seeing her when she was tiny tiny. Steph said she woke up one day and all of a sudden she was a dog. However, she is still super playful and very soft.

Let's Go To Virginia, Real Quick

So this past weekend brought a snow storm to Toronto (and the surrounding area). I got a call on Sunday that Steph was trapped at the airport downtown. (Toronto Island Airport that was originally just Porter but now a few other carriers use it too. Also, you used to only be able to get to it using a ferry but now there is a tunnel to walk under the water.) Steph was trying to get to Virginia for a photography conference.

Upon reviewing her options she called to see if she could stay overnight and then figure out a way home to Ottawa the following day - since everything in Toronto was basically shut down with the snow (even though it had basically stopped snowing at this point.) I decided to do one better and offered to drive her down to Virginia so she didn't have to miss out on the conference, or the styled shoot she had scheduled on location as well.

It took 10 hours to drive to Charlottesville and we arrived at her hotel at 4am on Monday morning. I was going to drive her to the shoot but then decided I wanted to sleep and just lent her the car for the day while I hung out at the hotel. When she got back that evening (and how she worked a full day, I have no idea) I drove her up to the Washington, DC airport (where she was originally going to fly in) so that she could grab her rental car and continue onto the conference. Then I drove home overnight from Monday to Tuesday.

It was great to spend time catching up but now I need to catch up on some sleep!

The Reckoning - Using The Anger

Jason was very supportive in Ottawa while I was having my fitness-related emotional breakdown. I explained how I was feeling and what was happening to me as best I could. He was understanding about my desire to leave and return to Toronto, identifying it as a desire for safety and comfort - something I hadn't even figured out at the time. Before he agreed to cut the trip short, and pop in on a few of my friends in my place, to do the various item pick-ups and drop offs that were required - he posed an important question: "What are you going to do with this anger?"

I can complain about the way I look, or being out of shape, or whatever, but this was a level of distress that couldn't be ignored. He didn't want me to run away from Ottawa and ignore what happened. I also, never, ever want to feel that way again. So I vowed to use the anger, to remember it and start moving towards a higher fitness level and better relationship with my body.

The following day, Monday February 12, I started making a point of 'moving' for at least 20 minutes every day - walking on the treadmill at the gym or doing a YouTube fitness video. I also do some type of cool down each evening, either a mindfulness/meditation activity or a short bedtime yoga routine.

So far I have only missed a couple of days and even though this is a small, slow start I hope to increase and expand it. I would like to return to my previous carefree, happy relationship with my body where I don't really ever think about it.

The Reckoning - Fitness

I went to Ottawa a couple of weeks ago and in the middle of my visit had a pretty sizable emotional breakdown. It wasn't depression based, instead it was about my body. I try to be open about my struggles with mental illness, but I am less open about my relationship with my body - its appearance, fitness level, weight, etc. Part of my reason for this is that I just don't think about it very much and the other part is that I have a different relationship than is usually depicted, or that I see from friends and family.

I am fine with how my body is/looks as long as...
- I am still fun, aka I am not holding others back from having a good time

I am often the slowest person on a hike or the last to finish a run. But I can still participate, I join in and enjoy various activities with my friends and family. This is very important to me and every time that Jason and I don't make it to the top of a mountain because we run out of time - my heart breaks and I hate myself and my body. This might seem like a very specific item but it has happened a number of times and it always makes me feel pretty awful about myself.

In Ottawa I felt the same way but at a magnitude never experienced before. Jason and I went to go skating on the canal and after doing up my skates I was unable to actually skate. I am not a good skater but I have never had issues doing it before. Even holding my body in position to skate was painful and the actual motion was exhausting - I was panting and sweating.

It was humiliating. I was devastated. After returning to the bench and taking off my skates, we went right to the car - I couldn't stop crying. To have my fitness level that low made me so angry at myself. I have never experienced these types of feelings about myself and body in this way. Instead of staying for the rest of the weekend in Ottawa, I decided to go home early. It was truly a shattering experience.

I couldn't imagine continuing to stay in Ottawa that weekend while feeling that awful - and I didn't feel comfortable disclosing to all the people I planned to visit that I was so upset because I felt like a useless disgusting fat worthless pile of crap. It isn't nice to hang out with people when upset, but I have done it during depressive episodes before. This was different and I am less comfortable with the realities of the situation. My friends were understanding and, while I still don't like talking about this, I decided to start writing about it to explain a bit to those who were there. This also allows me to share a bit of what is going on with me right now with others.

Our Latin Mottos, Only One In Latin

Talking with my GeoConnect girls a little while ago and they were talking about the motto's are undergraduate universities had.

The conversation started because ERin was encouraging Anne to Surgit!, latin for 'Push On,' which she knew because it was Brock's motto. Anne then mentioned that the University of Calgary motto was in Gaelic. I made a mental note to check out what Carleton's was, anticipating that it would probably disappoint me.

I wasn't wrong, the Carleton University motto is Ours the Task Eternal, in English. I don't even know what that means! Also sadly they didn't bother with using a different language. The main thing I like about Carleton is the great colours, I don't like Calgary's red, gold and black. Basically University of Calgary has the best mascot/nickname and Brock is all around cool. Besides good colours, Carleton is, as usual, a bit of a disappointment.

ERin
Undergrad at Brock University (in St. Catherine's)
Colours: Red, grey, and black
Motto: Surgit!which means Push On! in Latin
Mascot: (The Badgers) Boomer the Badger

Anne
Undergrad at University of Calgary
Colours: Red, gold, and black
Motto: Mo Shùile Togam Suas meaning "I will lift up my eyes" in Gaelic
Mascot: (The Dinos) Rex

Me
Undergrad at Carleton University (in St. Catherine's)
Colours: Black and Red
Motto: Ours the Task Eternal
Mascot: (The Ravens) Rodney the Raven

My trip to Calgary for this year was originally planned for July so I could go to Stampede but it was postponed and now I am going from August 23 - 27. I can't wait to see them!

So Many Babies

I am always slow to get out congratulations, and this past spring has seen a whole pile of babies. So here are the new humans in my life (not alphabetically, not chronologically, literally in no particular order):

Nic and Drew have expanded their beautiful family one further, bringing Canada a new little wombat. I have only met her once but Rosie is just the sweetest. They are all renting The Cottage next week so can show the new little one their 'Beach House'. (Photo Right)

Christopher keeps bringing us Canadian content and just a few weeks ago became the proud father of Elliott. He lives, with his lovely wife Heather, just a couple of doors down from James and Mike so Elliott will be able to spend lots of time with his cousins Ava and Aiden. And the grandparents are around the corner too - such a cool city family - it is the Toronto dream.

Canada Day celebrations were even more special than usual for Pat and Michelle, who spent the entire day in labour. Fitting date - as they have been known to host an epic pool party on it in the past. Liam arrived in the early hours of July 2. I am so happy for this little family and the many adventures they will have together. (Photo left)

I can't believe how much Henry looks like his dad Marc. Marc and Christine are up in Ottawa. Henry was born in March, quite a bit early I believe. But he is doing wonderfully, even if Marc is going to have him cheer for all the worst sports teams (Boston? Really?)

P and E also named their little boy Henry, who was born a few months ago. At the moment he is keeping a very quiet social media presence. I have had the chance to see him and can report that he is super cute.

Babies are going to keep on coming with Lauren due any minute and JennD expecting her second little one in the Fall.

Flippy Floppys

There wasn't a dress code at the last BIA I worked in, however, my boss didn't really like open toed shoes/sandals so we agreed that we wouldn't wear them to work. I don't really think that flip flops are work appropriate, but it is a casual day today, with no meetings. Also, these ones are so much nicer than the usual $5 Old Navy style. I got them for Taylor's wedding, they are getting pretty worn out but I still love them.

Also, my awesome red pedicure is from Ottawa. We went out to get pedicures the day after Canada Day - such sore feet after waiting in lines, dealing with mud, and walking all over downtown. I didn't choose the colour to be patriotic, but lets pretend I did!

The Lost Summer

I ran across a video on Facebook called 25 Years of Summer Songs and all of them brought brief flashes of life back to me, except one. It was so strange to recognize each one, remember the song, reflect on my time during that year and then be confronted by a blank. It was jarring but I assumed it was probably an American list and that song wasn't popular here.

Then I thought about the year - 2004. I don't know if I would say it was the worst summer that I have had but it was a rough one: staying in Ottawa after my first year at Carleton in Engineering, to take summer courses. Working at a minimum wage job across the city that took over an hour and half on transit to get to. Dealing with a long distance serious relationship. Not many friends around because so many people return to their hometowns during that first university summer. However, that minimum wage job was at Extreme Pita, so that is full-time radio listening and I am surprised that the song didn't stick in my mind from that.

The song, Burn by Usher, seems to be pretty universally agreed to be the main song for the summer of 2004. While I recognize other songs from that same album, that one just isn't in my memory. I don't totally agree with all the picks each year, in 2001 I can remember Drops of Jupiter being a major summer song, but that might have just been personal experience. I might not be big on music but songs are still often a serious memory link.

And Where Have I Been?

Obviously I was in The Azores last month, but where did I go after that? Why haven't I been posting on Always Standing, was I away from Internet? Actually, over the May long weekend, I was. We went to The Cottage and the Internet is terrible there. I also had a weekend trip to Ottawa but besides that I haven't done much.

It doesn't feel like a month has passed since I was posting regularly, but somehow it has been. I will start easing back into it, sorry for the absence.

Happy Birthday Steph!

It is Steph's birthday today! 

I hope she is having a good one.

Prime seats in front, up top, on a double decker bus.

London, England - January 2008

Photo by ME

It has been nine years since we took this photo, and we have been friends since September 2003, yet she still makes me this happy! Since moving to Toronto in 2010 we don't see each other as often, but we both make the effort and I head up to Ottawa pretty often. We make it work, she is worth it. Happy Birthday!

Little Gallbladder

I am at Steph's today in Ottawa, a quick turn-around trip that has me here for less than 36 hours. However, Steph and I got a chance to catch up last night, and today play a quick new card game that she had recently ordered online. The card game was designed by the same person who does The Awkward Yeti comic. He did these which Steph showed me after my gallbladder surgery last year:

By Nick Seluk

A Painful Weekend

My Weekend
Both of my Saturday and Sunday evenings this past weekend were spent moaning in bed, sadly, not in a good way. I couldn't really figure it out, but my stomach really hurt! I had assumed it was related to what I ate, especially the first night because I had followed an early fish and chips dinner with a bag of potato chips. I then went into a few hours of abdominal pain, similar to what I have felt with food poisoning, menstrual cramps, gas pain, or indigestion in the past. So I figured it was something along those lines and spent time lying on my stomach, or back with my knees up, waiting for it to stop. It didn't stop and I ended up throwing everything up. It was pretty much the same story Sunday night again.

Monday Morning
I was able to get to sleep both nights but awoke to the same pain on Monday. By this point my back was hurting so I had an early morning soak in an epson salt bath hoping to feel better. Jason was really insistent that I not go to work but since I couldn't figure out the cause of it I didn't think there was any point staying home, I also wasn't contagious. Hoping that just being in the office environment would prevent me from making my exasperated pain noises. Shortly after dropping Jason off at the Subway Station I was screaming in the car from the cramping, shooting, pain in my stomach/chest and back.

An Amazing Boss
I barely made it to my desk before having to retreat to the bathroom and then my car, the pain had continued to build and at this point was excruciating. I called Jason, who contacted my doctor's office and left work to come get me. My boss brought me my purse that I had left at my desk and was quite concerned to see me hunched beside the car. We waited for Jason and she kept me company as I paced, huffed, groaned, and gritted my teeth. The theory was a possible muscle spasm in my back. Jason was able to get me an appointment right away to see my doctor, whose clinic is conveniently close to work. My boss drove me over and we met Jason there.

At The Doctor's Office
"You seem quite uncomfortable," was my doctor's opening statement, a phrase that I proceeded to use throughout the rest of my morning. By the time she was seeing me I was dripping in sweat, a new added feature of embarrassment beyond the crying and other physical and verbal reactions to whatever was going on. It was difficult to lie down on the examining table, and extremely difficult to straighten my legs. There was no way to determine what was going on because I was "too guarded." All my abdominal muscles were flexed from the pain. She decided to send me to the emergency room because she was concerned it was something that needed to be diagnosed faster than doing outpatient testing, blood work, etc through the clinic. She thought it might be a stomach ulcer.

At The Hospital With My Husband
My first experience in a Toronto Hospital was a real eye opener. St. Joseph's was a lot different from emergency rooms I have been to in Ottawa, Brantford, or Paris. However, they still did a great job, and I got to call Jason my husband which is still quite a thrill. I was seen right away by, first a triage nurse, fast-track nurse, and then doctor. The doctor had the same issue that my physician had, my stomach was too firm to feel anything and I was in too much pain to locate the exact location of discomfort. It basically hurt between my shoulder blades, the center of my chest, and around the perimeter of my stomach. She sent me over to the normal waiting area with a request that the nurses there give me pain medication, take a blood sample, and send me for an ultrasound. She wanted to check quickly that it wasn't appendicitis.

The Morphine Drip
My care at St. Joe's came to a halt and I sat with Jason in a waiting area for a long time before someone got a chance to fill the doctor's orders. It was very busy. The pain slowly subsided and I wanted to return to my normal clinic and solve the issue as an out patient. Jason made me stay. I was given an IV, blood was taken and a bag of morphine was attached. (I didn't really need any pain medication at that point, the 'discomfort' had fallen from a 9 to a 3, however I was scared of everything starting to hurt again so I didn't decline the drugs.) They got me into the ultrasound area soon after that.

Ultrasound
The technician told me that she couldn't tell me anything and I would get the results from the doctor; the ultrasound really confused me because the wand was only moved over the top right portion of my stomach. Not where I would think the actual stomach was, and definitely not near where my mom has her appendix scar. I didn't ask questions, I was too tired and she had made it clear that she wasn't able to give answers anyway.

An Answer
We were sent back to the same waiting area and I worried it would be another long wait but it didn't end up being too bad. The doctor called me over, open the chart, and simply answered, "Well, you have multiple gallstones!" I was very glad to have an answer, even if I had no idea what it meant.

Dad's Bladder

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A Sunday post about my Dad, named after a song that he loved.

Two years ago I talked about the annoying development of the need to pee at 4am each morning that my dad had also dealt with. It looks like my bladder is becoming even more like his.

I drove to Ottawa yesterday and had to stop to pee twice! I was only driving from Toronto so it wasn't even as long of a time in the car as a trip between the capital and Paris or Long Point would be. Using the OnRoute stops, I am fast and efficient. I double it up with getting gas or food and make the break quick. Still, I never had to go before and could make the whole trip without even thinking about using the bathroom.

At least I am not taking driving breaks to splash cold water on my face to stay awake, which was Dad's trick. I just drink caffeinated things.

Tulips Don't Even Deserve A Day

Another thing that happens on June 21st? National Aboriginal Day. I didn't add this into the previous post about the first day of summer and my Dad's birthday. Dad didn't have a particularly nice or empathetic view of indigenous populations in Canada and/or the USA. So, I thought it best to separate the posts because my father's racism was nuanced, complex, frustrating, and confusing.

But since it somehow came to my attention today that it was National Aboriginal Day in Canada, I wanted to make a post that recognized the culture and history of this vital population group.

A long time ago I saw a comedian, Don Kelly, at an Ottawa comedy club. As an aboriginal, part of his routine riffed on his heritage, It stuck with me for years, but I remember his funniest line:

"A  black friend of mine was complaining that Black History Month is in February, the coldest month of the year, the shortest month of the year. Hey, we get National Aboriginal Day, DAY! Tulips get a fucking week." --- Don Kelly

Most people know how I feel about tulips - I am not a fan. But in contrast to that, I really like and value Canada's indigenous population. Their contributions should be celebrated nationally, and it should definitely be a longer celebration than a single day.

These Are My Guys

I am in a Fantasy NHL Playoff Hockey Pool at work. (We are using the Sportsnet platform.) I have done lots of hockey pools before, but just picking teams on the bracket, never actually choosing players. These are the guys I chose for the first round of playoffs that start tonight. (Hockey playoffs that don't include any Canadian teams! Not a single one made it, which hasn't happened since 1970.)

I first made my picks based on a combination of ESPN suggestions, former Leaf/Ottawa players whose names I recognized, names/teams that I like, etc. I decided that this didn't seem like a winning strategy so I reached out to Rob for some suggestions. I also got a lesson at lunch as to how 'player value points' work and heard about various strategies. I also now have some clarification on how points are determined. Then I made some changes to my original picks to end up with the players above. I wonder how I will do?

This has reminded me of making my Fantasy Baseball Team from the Brantford Expositor when I was really little. You had to cut out the entry form from the newspaper, fill it out, and mail it in. I always got Bon to help me with my picks since I only knew of Roberto Alomar and didn't follow baseball at all. I have no idea why I used to participate in that as a kid but I remember doing it for a couple of years in a row.

The Scenic Route

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A Sunday post about my Dad, named after a song that he loved.

Heading to Ottawa yesterday, Jason suggested that we head off of the 401 and take the Thousand Islands Parkway. I asked to do this almost every time we drive between Toronto and Ottawa, and Jason never wants to! I think since his new job is a transit commute (instead of driving) trips up to Ottawa aren't as hard on him now.

It was so nice to take the slower and prettier drive, Dad would often choose to take the 40-kilometer side road because it is more interesting to be beside the water. If we had time, and remember to us time is elastic, Dad and I both always prefer the scenic route.

I also saw, and totally recognized from the building (and then later saw the name), the place where Erin and Matt got married.

March Birthday Babes

Happy Birthday today to Steph!! 

Steph in our bunk!

London trip, January 2008

Photo by ME

Not that many people born in March, and I am sure that I am missing some, but according to my planner, there are the following:

- Granny?

- Aunty Laura, March 14

- Maya, March 18

- Anna, March 27

- Steph, March 29 

I am heading to Ottawa this coming weekend to quickly celebrate with the later two on that list!

Buying Appliances

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A post about my Dad each Sunday, named after a song that he loved.

Jason and I visited a Sears Whole Home store yesterday in Ottawa. It was a bit difficult for me, as this was the type of store that Dad had worked in for the last 10-15 years of his career before retirement. I remember him making the move from Brantford Sears to sell appliances in Ancaster at this new type of store, I was in Grade 7 or 8 at the time.

We are looking for a stack-able washer and dryer for the new house and it is hard to find decent information about what would be the best one to get (we are considering cost, size, height, durability, and value.) I have been researching online, but am really missing the knowledge I could have gotten from Dad on this - the man knew his appliances.

I wasn't super impressed with the guy that spoke to us at the Ottawa store. Definitely didn't have the charm that I know my dad would have had on the sales floor, since he was pretty enjoyable to be around in general. The vibe at the store was familiar though - employees joking around with each other, the two sales guys hanging out side-by-side, one gave the other a 'nod' as to who would 'get' us.

Dad used to say that he always told potential customers to come back and ask for "George with a beard." I guess at some point there was a second George? It is a bit funny to me because for a while, when I was really young, he used to have a mustache. I always wondered if he had to change his line when he changed his facial hair. However, I think the 'mustache phase' was when he worked as a Department Manager (in many different sections, everything from shoes to seasonal) so he possibly always had a beard by the time he moved into sales.

Feminist Friday - An Ottawa Mayor

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.  --- Charlotte Elizabeth Whitton

Charlotte Elizabeth Whitton was the first female mayor of a major city in Canada, serving as mayor of Ottawa from 1951 to 1956 and again from 1960 to 1964.