Propelled To Learn

I have mentioned way too many times on Always Standing that I love to learn, so much that a single link to a post exemplifying this wouldn't be enough - I say it all the time, because I mean it. I just read an article that ties this to my ADHD, and I totally agree:

"We need to be careful about what we label as a disorder. When it comes to ADHD, for instance, there is growing evidence that ADHD individuals achieve very good outcomes by normal social standards. The popular-culture stereotype is of an ADHD (often "ADD") person superficially clicking from one channel or Web site to the next. An alternative vision is that many ADHD individuals adapt and end up using their cognitive profile to propel themselves from learning one piece of information to the next, and in fact end up better educated and maybe better situated to deal with the social world as well."

--- from Autism as Academic Paradigm by Tyler Cowen in The Chronicle of Higher Education, July 13, 2009.

TB - Curves Diet

I discovered The Curves Diet back in Ottawa. I was working out with JennB at Curves and decided to try their Weight Management Program. It was very easy to do when I was living with JennB, who did all the cooking. During the first half of 2010, 7 months, I probably lost about 40lbs through exercise and following the diet guidelines with absolute precision. Then I went on my big trip for a month and a half, during which I lost another 10lbs from all the walking, strange food, and still adhering to the basic rules of the diet. The last part of 2010 I moved to Toronto and started my Masters at Ryerson - the stress from that pulled off another 10lbs, leaving me quite thin. Over the next 5 years I have put that 60lbs back on and maybe a little bit extra. Off and on, I would try following the program again but never with the same dedication and gusto. I do like a lot of the recipes though. I decided last week to start again and have dove into it with my complete focus. I hope to see similar results as before, but recognize that it is slow going. Today, I decided to do a throw back to all the Always Standing mentions of the only diet that I have every enjoyed or been able to follow:

The Curves Diet

- Making The Switch : The first mention of the program
- The Undiet : Too much food
- Guest Writer - Blogging - Steph : Steph mentions the diet in a Guest Writer post while I was in Russia
- Final Week : It looks like I decided to start it up again during my last semester at Ryerson
- Fuck February : I don't think I kept it going very long that Fall but decided to try again at the start of 2012
- Back Under The Threshold : 2 years later it looks like I returned to the diet

This time will be different than my previous failed Toronto attempts. I am already being stricter with myself. Not only do I plan to keep going until I reach my goal weight, but I also vow not to eat a single french fry until my wedding day (on which I will have them as part of my dinner entree at the pub.)

University Is A Fight

---------- from Facebook

A very accurate three-part comic about life in university, grad school, and the workplace. I like the idea that post-secondary education is a daunting battle/fight - I totally felt that, especially in Engineering and during my Masters.

CHECK OUT the "Truth About College and Getting a Job" by Oliver Coakley from Insert Life Here

Better Read Than I Thought

I am a terrible English Major, and I really am not nearly as well read as I should, or would like to, be. I found the recent link BBC Believes You Only Read 6 Of These Books and did the test. I guess the average for people is 6, however I got 41 out of the 100 listed. I did it truthfully too! I have fully read, start to finish, 41 of those books. Because I have studied, and written, about a number of books I wouldn't consider myself to have actually read it is hard to do these lists. I can probably stretch the number up to 59 - for example I have studied Moby Dick at least 3 times in university and included it as part of a major essay. However, I relied on Spark Notes every time. I have only skimmed Lord of the Rings and of course seen the movies. Etc. Now be honest, how did you do?

Most Useless Degree

I ran across this great article/rant on Thought Catalog (which as a 'digital magazine owned and operated by an experimental media group based in Williamsburg, Brooklyn' and might be a little too trendy for me to be reading.) I often talk about the uselessness of my TWO degrees in English (proof of this can be seen in the English, Carleton, Ryerson, or Grad School Always Standing tags.) However, I agree with author Tyler Vendetti when she says, "Yes, I’m An English Major. No, I Will Not Be Working At McDonald’s." and in fact I agree with her whole article, my favourite part being:

"I can be a publisher. I can be a journalist. I can be a research assistant. I can be a speechwriter. I can work with magazines. I can be a movie critic. I can review books. I can be a copywriter. I can be a news reporter. I can manage social media. I can be a lobbyist. I can be an editor. I can write for television or radio or movies. I can be a travel writer. I can work in advertising. I can do anything I want to do ... The skills that you develop through writing and reading (such as critical thinking), the skills that come with an English degree, are used in every single day of your entire life." - By Tyler Vendetti, Yes, I'm An English Major. No, I Will Not Be Working At McDonald's., Thought Catalog

I would have made the list of career options longer and more varied, and the list of famous people who were English majors is way too actor heavy, but the article as a whole hits home, hard.

Bartending Major

From the May 9, 2013 The Daily Show episode:
Interview between Aasif Mandvi and Career Adviser Marty Nemko

Nemko: For many more people than in decades past, collage is the wrong choice. Those who were average students in high school who went into collage ended up doing jobs that they could have done right out of high school. like selling extended warranties or they are bartenders.
Mandvi: Oh, I always assumed they had a Bartending Major?
Nemko: That's called English Literature.

Danielle Kubes - Freelance Journalist

Danielle recently finished her Masters at Ryerson (in Journalism, a much more practical choice than mine in Literature of Modernity.) She just published her thesis online; it can be accessed and read through her blog, which also acts as her online resume. The thesis about grade inflation in undergraduate arts programs is a really interesting read. You can find her other work on the blog as well. The articles range from lifestyle to business but it is really the thesis that shines at the moment on the site. Visit the blog here: Danielle Kubes - Freelance Journalist

An Expensive Day, Everyday

The benefits I was getting as a Ryerson student ran out in October. Even though I was only a student until December 2012, the benefit package runs from October to October so I have been covered for a while. It is a tough bit of reality to have to pay full price for all of my medications - literally hundreds of dollars. Here is a normal day for me:

Birth Control -Cyclen - $0.90
ADHD Meds - Adderall - $3.18
Morning Anti-Depressant - Effexor - $1.49
Evening Anti-Depressant - Wellbutrin - $1.75

That is a total of $7.32 everyday, and $219.60 every month!!
So it costs me almost 10% of my income to just to stay sane, functional, not pregnant, and making sense.

The good news is that my current work is arranging for me to have a benefit package, which they will pay for, in 2013. I am going to look at packages next week to discuss which one would be best; I know that I would like dental and obviously I need prescription drugs covered!

A Better Email

I was very happy to find the following in my inbox yesterday:

From: Ryerson
To: Me
Sent: Wednesday, May 16, 2012 8:07 PM 
Subject: Eligibility to Graduate 

Dear Christine: 

On behalf of the Ryerson Community, we are pleased to extend our congratulations on your successful completion of all courses required to graduate with a Master of Arts - Literature of Modernity at the Spring 2012 Convocation. 

An official letter which includes your Convocation tickets has been sent to your mailing address. After you receive the official letter of eligibility and your Convocation tickets, you must confirm whether or not you will be attending the convocation ceremony by going to the RSVP website.
 
Again, congratulations on your success and we look forward to seeing you at convocation. 
The Office of Curriculum Advising, Ryerson University

This is MUCH better than the one I got 8 months ago in September. I knew early in September that my thesis was not finished and I would need to stay on at Ryerson for another semester to continue to work on it, however I had applied to graduate min-summer so they still reviewed the file. Even though I knew that I wasn't going to be graduating with the rest of my class in October, it was still pretty rough to read this email:

From: Ryerson 
To: Me
Sent: Wednesday, September 28, 2011 2:18 PM 
Subject: Application to Graduate 

Dear Christine: 

Your academic record has been carefully reviewed by the Office of Curriculum Advising. 

We regret to inform you that you did not meet Ryerson's graduation requirements as set out by Senate. You are therefore not eligible to graduate with a Master of Arts - Literature of Modernity at the Fall 2011 Convocation. 

 A formal copy of this email message has been mailed to your address. If you have any questions or concerns regarding your eligibility to graduate, please contact us immediately. We would like to assure you that your application was given every consideration, but recognize that we may have been unaware of all the factors concerning your academic record. 
 
We wish you every success in fulfilling the outstanding requirements. Please also remember that in order to be considered for graduation at the Spring 2012 Convocation, you must submit a new application to graduate between November 1st, 2011 and February 27th, 2012. 

The Office of Curriculum Advising, Ryerson University 

I am so glad to be finished with my Masters. It was a pretty awful year and a half for me; I barely made it through alive (literally). One of the many embarrassing things about taking an extra semester is that I am graduating when  NO ONE ELSE in my program is. I had assumed that I would have convocation with the following year's class, this coming October. However, I will be alone at the June ceremony, which means people from my department have to come to 'hood me'. I'm sure this is a pain for them, but I am very glad to be going through this final process to be completely done!

Fuck February

I have realised that February has pretty much always been an awful month for me. Some really horrible things have happened to me during various Februaries.
- I have nearly been fired, twice
- I have actually been fired, once
- My Grandma died a few years ago in February, I think
- Binx died last February
- I nearly failed an entire semester of my undergrad
- I went through two horrible breakups
- On two separate occasions in previous Februaries I have been suicidal
Basically it is the month when my depression has the tendency to be at its worst, which has lead to disastrous situations in my academic, work, social, and love life. I really want to get through this month without anything getting messed up.

This February has the potential to be a bit of a perfect storm for depression for the following reasons:
- I have been eating badly for a few months
- I have been out of shape for many months
- I am only just out of my last bought of serious depression
- I am no longer seeing my councillor through Ryerson
- I am adjusting to life not being a student
- My work is very busy with lots of projects on the go
- My parents are away and I miss them
- I have no money and it is stressing me out
- It is damp, cold, dark, and grey

However, I will not let it win this time. I am going to fight my hardest and my smartest this month so that the depression stays away. Here's how:
- I'm very careful about always properly taking my medication
- My friends and family are amazingly supportive
- I'm in a new relationship that I'm really excited about
- I have started to use a 'sun lamp' every morning
- Two is at a really fun stage, crazy and a bit cuddly
- I have been watching my sleep schedule carefully, getting at least 7hrs
- The CAMH CBT group is going well
- I am going to the gym regularly
- I have restarted the Curves diet and am working at eating well
- Rrunuv Bayit is tidy, Kristen is a huge help in this
- I quit Tim Hortons to focus on keeping everything else on track
- My loan is coming soon
- I'm trying to be honest and forthcoming with everyone
(Please consider this post to be me working towards that last point.)

FINISHED!!

I have heard back from my supervisor and second reader - my MRP passed!! I am finally finished my Masters, the paperwork is started for my graduation. It feels so strange to be in Toronto and not have any more school. I think this whole program has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, at some points it literally nearly cost me my sanity. Wow! It is over. Done.

I am FINISHED!!

So Close

I am finishing up my MRP, finally. It is taking some fine detail work as I go through each line and review each comment made by my two readers. It is slow going but I will have it done by Friday! Kristen has a countdown going for me on the whiteboard above our stove - "Freedom: MRP done in 3 days." I have "carrots" waiting for me too, things that I will reward myself with upon completion. One of them is sitting down with The Sears Wish Book and going through it page by page to make my Xmas List. The other might be a trip to the Dominican Republic - however, I won't even allow myself to research that until this paper is done. I am in the home stretch. Light at the end of the tunnel. Nearly there. Or any other cliche phrase you can come up with!

Aged Or High?

Throughout both my Masters and Undergraduate work I have had many 'all-nighters.' Recently, I discovered that I really enjoy working at night with jazz music playing. I have never been the type of person who can listen to music or watch tv while doing homework. In High School, Teri used to do her Math work while watching tv and I never understood how she did it - I would just sit there with the text book open on my lap doing nothing. Anyway, I discovered this year that jazz is perfect. There are rarely lyrics to distract me. It is soothing but not in a 'put you to sleep' way. It also creates some nice background noise so the quiet doesn't freak me out.

Kristen, coming home late one night and discovering me up working on a paper with jazz playing, mocked me a little. I have to admit, it does make me feel old. My grandfather absolutely loves jazz. We get a lot of local radio stations through cable, so I listen using the tv. I listen to Jazz FM 91. According to the station's website: More than just a radio station, JAZZ.FM91 is Canada’s only broadcaster and registered not-for-profit charitable arts organization dedicated to enriching the cultural, educational and community experience of their audience. The station began life more than 60 years ago as CJRT-FM, Ryerson's university radio station, broadcasting an eclectic mix of educational programming, classics and jazz. Then in 1996, it was transformed - embracing the concept of an all-jazz format within a non-profit, educational context and highlighting diversity and musical sophistication. This is all very nice, but still makes me feel old.

Then, tonight, a song came on with lyrics - these are quite rare. It is quite late and I am running on sugar and caffeine, soon to be infused with 5-Hour Energy Drink. I swear I didn't know if I was sleeping or awake. The song was just ridiculous. I kept listening to see if it was somehow a metaphor for something larger, but it didn't seem to be. At one point I actually questioned if I was high. Seriously, this is a song? From 2008 too! Yeah, I just don't get it. Click the video below to listen.

Here Again

I still need to work on my MRP so have to register for the Fall 2011 semester at Ryerson. I never finish degrees in time. 6 years to do my a 4 year undergrad and it looks like 4 semesters to do a 3 semester Masters. I doesn't quite feel like I'm starting a new year of school. It feels a bit like purgatory, not in a horrible way or anything though. I have no classes but am still going to be a TA. Things are starting to roll out though: TA orientation, lecture schedules, meetings with professors, new books, etc.

Texts From Last Night

Ok, in truth they are not from last night but actually a few nights ago. However, Stampede is crazy and I have been super busy. I'm having a great time with Ter and her friends, Little Brother Mike came to hang for a day, and Anne is being an awesome host as always (why won't she move back to Ontario, she is missed!)

The following is a direct transcript, unless otherwise noted, from a text conversation between Teri and myself. Times are approximate.

5:00
Teri: We are going to dinner at like 5:30 or 6
Me: Cool, le me know where and what to wear and I'll meet you there.

5:20
Ter and I have a phone conversation in which I determine that instead of meeting her and her friends downtown I will stay at Anne's and do some work. I was still hoping to possibly meet up with them afterwards for drinks. We also arranged to meet up the next morning to go to a Stampede breakfast at 9.

7:45
Me: Thinking of heading to Wildhorse Saloon, party tent, tonight.
Me: Where are you guys going?
Teri: Where is it? With who?
Teri: No idea. Wqho r u going with?
Me: Corner of 4th St. and 6th Ave SW
Me: Beth* (Anne's roommate, partied with her last year) and her friends.
Teri: Apparently therte is already a huge line and 20 cover. Ben* is informing us$
*Names have been changed
Me: Yup sounds right. We will probably be in line for a couple of hours (have roadies/linies).
Teri: Haha
Teri: Ok have fun, thought u didn't want to go out tonight?
Me: I just finished my work for tonight. I promised myself I would go out if I finished before 8.
Me: Also Beth* and her friend have been plying me with Jello shots and mageritas!
Teri: Haha fair enough
Me: I tried to resist! (And I did hold off enough to work.)

9:10
Me: Where are you guys?
Teri: We arte just finishing dinner at earls. Going out on 17th somewhere

9:30
Me: Already a litle buzzed....
Me: Where are you? Come visit me in line!!
Teri: Haha, I can tell. We are at connies* place now. Going out soon
*Name has been changed, however in the original text Teri did use all lowercase and no apostrophe

10:05
Teri: What's the line like?
Me: So drycj

10:25
Teri: What is the line like?
Me: Edsioooooooo dsruxk&nnnnnn
Teri: So the line is good?

10:40
Me: Haja no ir was a liong time, in noe SRUNK!
Teri: Oh wow lol
Me: Hahas xcould u not understand thad? Me neither!n
Teri: Lol u are hilarious

11:00
Me: U sjhould be here there ius straw dsrtuck in myu keybord, FUCK!!!
Note: I meant pieces of straw, like hay, it was Stampede after all and I was at a tent party called Wildhorse Saloon.
Teri: Haha still not really following. A straw stuck in keyboard?
Me: Yup

11:30
Me: Now straw stuclk SO many places, wow drunck... See you in the morn, bring my makeup case.
Note: I had brushed my teeth at the airport and afterwards packed my makeup bag in Teri's suitcase. We had split up since we were staying at different people's houses but I had forgotten to get it from her.

12:05
Teri: See u at 9
Me: By nine do you mean 10:30?
Teri: Uh no. It stops at 11 am
Teri: We are going at 9 ish or 930 latest

12:20
Teri: Are you coming?
Me: Hell yes, see you at 10:30, then we'll figure pub crawl plans - soberingf up, kinda.

**

I would like to say that despite my apparent confusion, I did show up to breakfast on time. Sadly, Teri was not the only person to have to deal with the repercussions of me having a cell when I'm drinking... I called my brother from the line up at because I had met a guy who knew a high school friend of his. I also called my parents, twice. I had forgotten about the time difference which puts them 2 hours later than Calgary, so called them at 1:30 and 2:45, their time. The drinking didn't stop here though, as the final text says, we went on a pub crawl the next day, but that is a story for another time.

A Story For My Second Draft

I have a terrible time with introductions. After the first draft of my MRP, my supervisor suggested that I work on a more exciting opening. I decided to tell a little story:

**100 Years of Egypt as Reflected in Two Baedeker Guidebooks**

You are visiting the Egyptian site of Memphis, the capital of Ancient Egypt, 22 kilometres North of Cairo and 11,231 kilometres from your home in Memphis, Texas. You wander around admiring the “well preserved alabaster Sphinx,” “a colossal figure of Ramesses II,” and “tombs belonging to High Priests of the 22nd Dynasty.” You have rented a camel, who is tied up in a nearby “palm-grove.” In the late afternoon, you decide to leave the camel sitting in the shade and take a walk yourself down the road towards Saqqara. You know that you probably will not be able to reach Saqqara but as a tourist, the journey is part of the fun.

It grows late, the normally hot air begins to cool, and you realise that you are lost. You are passed by the occasional local Egyptian but do not feel comfortable asking them for directions. As a tourist looking for a relaxing vacation, you have left your cell phone at home and begin to panic, realizing that you do not have access to it or its GPS function. You frantically search your backpack, which results in the discovery of a red guidebook – Baedeker’s Egypt. A guidebook, with maps and directions, could save you! But what if this very guidebook is the reason you feel uncomfortable with the idea of asking the locals for help? The language used in the 1885 version of Baedeker’s Egypt unabashedly belittles the Egyptian people, showing a strong colonial discourse throughout. But you are lost in Egypt a century later, with a newer 1983 edition – could this still be the case?

Racial Discourse in Baedeker’s Egypt

A significant change in racial discourse is evident through the study of two editions of Baedeker’s Egypt, one published in 1885 and the other in 1983. By using a close reading of these ...

The above section and the rest of the essay has proper MLA citations, I have removed them for ease of reading. So, after the intro I then have pages and pages of a research paper that is obviously academic. Since I struggle with conclusions as well I had no idea how to end the paper. Last night I had Steph, Justain, and Dave help me edit the essay; at the end of it Dave asked, "So, did I get out of the desert?" I figured it would be a cool idea to mirror the story again at the end of the paper. So it finishes with the story again:

... the more recent guidebook claim that the country “will never be overrun by tourists.” The fact that 1,438,000 people visited Egypt in 1982 suggests that it had become an extremely popular tourist location.

In Conclusion

So popular in fact that you chose to vacation there! You are immensely relieved to have found your guidebook, as you shiver in the Egyptian night, lost in the outskirts of Cairo. Flipping through Baedeker’s Egypt, you search for a map that will help you find your way back to the camel you left near the site of Memphis.

You pause to appreciate that the guidebook starts so poetically: “From the time immemorial Egypt, that land of ancient civilization on the Nile, has exerted an irresistible fascination.” As you continue to turn the pages, another section catches your eye, “Manners and Customs.” It is not the various points of advice given about cultural differences that draw your attention but instead the opening sentences: "Visitors to Islamic countries who want to understand the behaviour and attitudes of the inhabitants and to avoid unnecessary difficulties in dealing with them should take care to regulate their own conduct in such a way as to avoid offending local susceptibilities. Muslims have a different way of life and different modes of thought from those to which the Western visitor is accustomed. They have different values and different habits, which tourists should avoid disregarding or disparaging." This strangely conflicted message of courteously and discredit seems to summarize the entire guidebook; it is at the same time both an attempt at racial respect yet suggests a colonial influence. The use of the term “Western visitor” ensures the continued distinction between the Occident and Orient; the text also explains that a key benefit of adjusting behaviour in a respectful way is to avoid any unnecessary difficulties when dealing with Egyptians. The words “difficulties” and “dealing” are not overly negative but they do not represent the Egyptian people and interactions with them in a kind or considerate fashion. However, the underlying message is one of racial sensitivity and generous understanding.

The 1885 text does not contain a similar sentiment to the one found in the “Manners and Customs” section of the 1983 book. The shift towards the inclusion of these types of messages occurs much later. Edward Mendelson identifies a significant moment in the history of Baedeker travel guides: "It was marked by the publication of a few sentences whose significance probably went unrecognized at the time. In the revised handbooks to Italy that appeared between 1928 and 1932, Baedeker wrote: The traveller in a foreign country should do his best to win its respect and friendship for the nation which he represents, by his tact and reserve and by refraining from noisy behaviour and contemptuous remarks (in public buildings, hotels, etc.) and especially from airing his political views." This was the first time that a Baedeker guidebook reflected the relationship of respect between the visitor and locals. Upon review of the 1983 text, similar adjustments in racial discourse are evident. However, some imperialistic attitudes and practices remain. Unfortunately, much of the fascination in Egyptian culture stems from colonial interest in the country during the nineteenth century and the 1983 edition of Baedeker’s Egypt is far from being a guidebook which presents an attitude of complete racial equality.

Fortunately for you though, Baedeker’s Egypt does have a helpful map that guides you back to Memphis. After a brisk walk through the chilly air, you arrive at your waiting camel. Moments later you are riding happily back toward Cairo, dreading end of your vacation and the inevitable return to another Memphis.

It Makes Me Disappointed, Sad, And Angry

Thanks to a Facebook posting from Anna, I have learned of some troubling news. Oxford University style guide is recommending the abandoning of the "Oxford comma". I love that comma, though in truth I never knew it was called that. This was reported by a British Newspaper called The Independent. You can read the full article HERE.

I am very sad about the loss of this key mark of punctuation. It is the comma before "and" marking the final item in a list. Instead of "Pigs, horses and cows" I would write "Pigs, horses, and cows." For as long as I have been in university it has been optional to put the comma before the "and," but whatever you chose had to be consistent throughout the paper. I always chose the extra comma, it makes the list so much clearer. I guess it is gone. I may mourn the loss.

Better Marks

So, last term (Fall) my marks weren't great. This term (Winter) they are slightly better. Just have my MRP (Spring/Summer) left to do and it is graduation time! Actually, I am supposed to apply to graduate online before August. Looking forward to being done grad school!

You're Killing Me!!

Maybe it's brain chemicals
Maybe it's Glee

Maybe it's this paper
Maybe it's the Harper Majority

Maybe it's the lack of sleep
Maybe it's my MRP

Maybe it's my program
Maybe it's a deficiency of Vitamin B

But, man, it is all just killing me.

Please Say Something Nice

After almost eight months of graduate school, I have yet to find something to excel at. I often get feedback from essays or presentations that is lackluster at best. However, a professor for a course I am taking on visual culture wrote the following in the comments for a presentation I did:

"Throughout this class, I've been impressed with your ability to analyze pictures in terms of their formal properties and to understand how compositions work. This is a real strength."

Basically I think this means I should have taken some art history classes in undergrad and maybe looked for an image-based Masters instead of literature. She also said, "You have a very relaxed presentation manner, with a clear voice and good engagement with your audience." This may have been true for that particular presentation, as well as presentations I have done in the past at work or school, but as a whole for this program I have been terrible at presenting. I am currently writing an essay for this class, which involves analyzing a lot of images, I hope I do well on it.