Steph Won!

Steph sent me a text last night to say she had received a Platinum Award at The Wedding Awards! Steph and Dave have been attending this yearly gala in Ottawa since 2014, and she has won before. I couldn't find details about her 2018 win, except that it was also a Platinum Award, for best Live Moment - pretty sure the image was of a horse going after a brides bouquet. This year, she won for best Unique Photo. Here is the winning shot:

Award Winning Wedding Photo - 2020

by Stephanie Koning of Stephanie Beach Photography

Instagram: @sbeachphoto

So beautiful, such a cool shot too. (I think it was done using a crystal.) When I was with her in Virginia she had just gotten a few more interesting crystal shapes that she planned to experiment which, so I am interested to see how those images turn out. As always, you can follow along with her career using the link to her blog that I have posted over on the right, her Facebook page or Instagram.

JBR - Jason's Beer Review - Coming Soon

I am going to launch a new feature of Always Standing, Beer Reviews! This will be written by me involving quotes and the occasional grade/rating as provided by Jason. I still feel like he can't really tell the difference if he couldn't see the label and I will continue to host blind beer tasting contests to prove this.

However, especially when we travel, Jason takes trying local beer very seriously. So I might as well document it a bit because whenever content creation is easy it is best to take advantage. So stay tuned, first stop Hungary!

Super Mario Party

It is here!! The new Mario Party!! When we lived together, Kristen and I played A LOT of Mario Party 8 for The Wii. It was so much fun, we beat everything, unlocked everything, and loved it. A few years later when the next one came out (Mario Party 9) we rushed to get it - but it was terrible! Such a horrible disappointment, they changed how the game worked, the mini games within it weren't good, we played it only a couple of times.

Mario Party 10 came after that but it was for Wii U which wasn't a system we had. Everyone had the original Wii though, at one point we had two of them! The latest Nintendo system is the Switch, which Jason got a while ago to play Zelda (I think) since it had good reviews. I have been patiently waiting for a Mario Party to get released for this new console. Even though I think the price tag of $80 is insanely high, I had such high hopes that it would be good like the first one I played.

Jason surprised me by ordering the extra controllers we needed with overnight shipping, so we were prepared when Kristen and Noah came to test it out. I can happy report that is it awesome!! The main section returns to the style of play seen in version 8, the mini games are hilarious, and there are extra things that are super fun on their own. I can't wait to unlock everything!

Come Party In The Junction!!

Motherhood - Be Quiet

This was posted by Meg on Facebook a while ago and it really hit home. The things that people have said to me when I mention wanting to only have one child are frequently appaling and often hurtful, and my plans are all in the hypothetical. It would be so much worse if any of the situations below were my current reality.

With our wedding approaching I thought it was a good time to post this - these types of events tend to lend themselves to people asking invasive questions and sharing upsetting comments (with good intentions but hurtful just the same.)

The original piece is entitled Mind Your Own Womb and was written by Nadirah Angail. I have adapted it considerably so please go read her version as well. The main thing that neither address is the possibility that the women doesn't want children at all. Both versions are based around a female experience but this isn't a gender thing, it is a family thing. Man can hurt just as much from inappropriate questions about parenthood.

Be Quiet

Somewhere there is a woman: 36, no children. 
People ask her, “Still no kids?” Her response varies from day to day, but it usually includes forced smiles and restraint. “Nope, not yet,” she says with a chuckle, muffling her frustration. “Well, don’t wait forever. That clock is ticking, ya know,” they say before departing, happy for imparting such erudite wisdom. They leave and the woman stops holding her smile. Why couldn't they be quiet. They don't know her pain, they don't understand her reality. She is hurt and frustrated and this conversation doesn't address the truth that...
- she’s been pregnant 4 times and miscarried every one
- she started trying for a baby on her wedding night, and that was 5 years ago
- her husband has an ex-wife and she has given him children
- she wants desperately to try invitro but can’t even afford the deposit
- she’s done multiple types of fertility testing and treatments and still has no children
- this issue causes friction in her marriage
- all her sisters have children and one of them didn’t even want children
- her best friend is pregnant and she just got invited to another baby shower
- her mother keeps asking
- her in-laws want to be grandparents
- her neighbor has twins and treats them like shit
- 16-year-olds get pregnant without trying
- she’s already picked out names
- there’s an empty room in her house
- there is an empty space in her body
- she has so much to offer
- her husband would be a great dad
- she would be a great mother, but isn’t. 

Somewhere else is another woman: 35, one child. 
People say to her, “Only one? You never wanted any more?” “I’m happy with my one,” she says calmly, a rehearsed response she’s given more times than she can count. Quite believable but she wishes they had just stayed quiet. No one would ever suspect that the question cuts through her normally happy life. That just a simple comment can bring back the dark reality that this is the very thing keeping her up at night. It is difficult reminder because...
- her one pregnancy was a miracle
- her son still asks for a brother or sister
- she always wanted at least three
- her second pregnancy had to be terminated to save her life 
- her doctor says it would be “high-risk” 
- she’s struggling to care for the one she has
- sometimes one feels like two
- her husband won’t even entertain the thought of another
- her family thinks one is enough and wouldn't support more 
- she’s deep into her career and can’t step away
- she feels selfish
- her postpartum depression was so intense
- she can’t imagine going through everything again
- she has body issues and pregnancy only exacerbates it
- she had to have a hysterectomy
- she wants another baby, but can’t have it.

Another woman: 34, five children. 
People say to her, “Five? Good lord, I hope you’re done!” And then they laugh… because those types of comments are funny. The woman laughs too, but not in earnest. She would have preferred them to be quiet. She changes the subject, as she always does, and gives the disrespect a pass. Just another encounter with this frustrating attitude towards her family. It hurts her because...
- she’s pregnant with another and feels like she has to hide the joy
- she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it
- she has no siblings and felt profoundly lonely as a child
- her Granny had 12 and she’d love to be just like her
- she couldn’t imagine life without her children, but people treat her like they’re a punishment
- she doesn’t want to be pitied
- people assume this isn’t what she wanted
- they assume she’s just irresponsible
- they believe she has no say
- she feels misunderstood
- she’s tired of defending her private choices
- she and her husband are perfectly capable of supporting their family but that doesn’t seem to matter
- she’s tired of the “funny” comments
- she minds her own business and wishes others would mind theirs
- sometimes she doubts herself and wonders if she should have stopped two kids ago
- others are quick to offer criticism and slow to offer help
- she’s sick of the scrutiny
- she’s not a side show
- people are rude and so many seem to have opinions on her private life
- all she wants to do is live in peace

These women are everywhere. They are our neighbors, our friends, our sisters, our co-workers, our cousins. They have no use for our advice or opinions. Their reproductive lives are their own. You probably don't know the truth behind the simple reality of 5 or 4 or 3 or 2 or 1 or no children in someone's life. Let them share if they want to. Don't ask, don't comment. Just. Be. Quiet.

45 Days

I am awake at 5am because I am somehow very aware of the fact that it is only 45 days until Jason and my wedding. Suddenly all the recent questions and concerns from friends and family - about timelines, what to wear, hotels, where to go - make sense. It isn't that far away anymore! Luckily most of our weekends are less busy now so hopefully all the remaining planning will start coming together quickly (and smoothly).

An Epic Party

My Bachelorette Party was this weekend, a three day event planned by Teri and flawlessly put together for me by 11 amazing friends. This has brightened my summer into the phosphorescent. There are no words so how loved I feel, how grateful I am to have these beautiful, inspiring, women in my life, how much fun I had, how touched I was by each thoughtful gesture. My abs hurt from laughing, my face aches from smiling, and these are the greatest pains to have.

Thank you so much to Teri, Steph, Kristen, Tessa, Andrea, Erin, Jenn, Jen, Maria, Meghan, and Taylor.

Panda Wants Tessa To Stay Home

It is so hard to take a good photo of a black cat, I remember the challenge from the years of having Binx. Tessa got a beautiful one of Panda yesterday as she packed for the weekend Bachelorette (mine!) trip up to Collingwood.

Please Don't Go Mommy

Panda Prevents Packing 

Photo by Tessa

Accomplished Before Engagement

I ran across the article Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment at just the right time, wedding planning had been getting me down, I was struggling with a small depressive low, and I was not looking forward to the future. I needed perspective and it was great to read some words that seemed more based in my reality.

Being popped the question is still more celebrated than academic and professional pursuits of women. Yes, college graduations and landing a great career and receiving wonderful promotions are all received with happiness from friends and family, but not even close to the same level of elation received when you announce that you are getting hitched. This is my experience, at least. I am so grateful for the excitement surrounding my upcoming marriage, however, I often wonder why the event of getting married is put on a higher pedestal than the true successes that come along with an education and career.

Despite everything Jason and I are doing to try to take away the parts of a 'traditional' wedding that don't mesh with our personalities, relationship, or personal views. I still struggle with how gendered this event is - especially everyone's reaction to it. I completely notice the same things as the author, Natalie Brooke:

I can’t blame anyone for being more curious about my relationship status than my career, as I too have been guilty of doing the same with other woman. After all, we are all taught through expertly crafted commercials and advertisements that it is of utmost importance for a woman to get a ring put on her finger. Perhaps it’s time for society as a whole to re-evaluate what aspect of women’s lives we put the most value on. In my opinion, getting married should never be put in a higher regard than the academic and professional successes that women work hard to attain.

I have a slightly different reaction though, I DO blame people for being more interested in my relationship, wedding, etc than my career - I work for a really really interesting company!! Jason is constantly asked more about his job than I am. I will do another post on that since it is a longer rant.

You can read the full original article on Huffington Post HERE. Also check out Natalie Brooke's follow-up article: Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment, But Finding Happiness (In Any Form) Is.

Also, on an end note, I am feeling much better now and wedding planning is exciting again.

A Warm House

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A Sunday post about my Dad, named after a song that he loved.

Jason and I had a housewarming party yesterday. It was nice to show people Casa Verde who had never seen it before and give others an update of the place now that it is no longer chaos.

I think Dad would have liked the house. I am having a hard time bringing his memory into the space and hope that hanging his photograph will help that. I can't decide if I want it in my bedroom again or put it in the living room this time.

I hope he would be impressed with all the work we are doing and the labour that comes from the challenge to be thrifty with our ever growing renovations. There are parts of Casa Verde that I know we would like: the main floor original hardwood floors, the beautiful staircase, moving the laundry upstairs, our cherry tree and garage in the backyard.

Also, I agree with Mom, I don't think he would ever be able to wrap his head around the value. The price would always bug him - I know we made a good purchase, but Toronto is crazy and I don't think he could get past the cost to truly enjoy Casa Verde.

A Wonderful Surprise

I had an amazing time at a small, low key, short notice, wedding over the weekend. Jason's friend announced a couple of weeks ago that he would be getting married and the few of us who were honoured to be invited got to share in a beautiful evening. In the same fashion that I blogged about the previous wedding of one of Jason's friends - I am just going to include a picture of us at the event. However, please know that both the bride and groom, the casual and private people that they are, looked incredible!

At Pierre and Erica's Wedding

Jason and I 

Plants Grow

I think this is one of the best Before and After's I have ever done! And it isn't even about house renovations. Way back in the mid-2000s when I lived with Anna, she had a plant. In fact when she went away to France for a semester I stole the plant and put it in my room. Well, I visited Anna for her birthday this past weekend, which involved an amazing game of Pub Golf that I will blog about soon. The plant has grown. I know this seems obvious, but it really struck me how long we have know each other that the plant could get so big - but it has been 10 years. So check out almost 10 years of growth on this thing:

March Birthday Babes

Happy Birthday today to Steph!! 

Steph in our bunk!

London trip, January 2008

Photo by ME

Not that many people born in March, and I am sure that I am missing some, but according to my planner, there are the following:

- Granny?

- Aunty Laura, March 14

- Maya, March 18

- Anna, March 27

- Steph, March 29 

I am heading to Ottawa this coming weekend to quickly celebrate with the later two on that list!

Not A Cash Bar

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A post about my Dad each Sunday, named after a song that he loved.

I heard a song at spinning a while ago that reminded me of my dad, Rock the Casbah by The Clash, they were actually showing the music video. It wasn't part of the collection of music videos that Dad had on tape, so seeing that was new and had I seen the video when I was younger I wouldn't have made the mistake of thinking they were saying "Rock the cash bar" - I only recently learned that wasn't the case. Dad played the song a lot - it was a good summer party tune.

A Quotable Evening

Taylor, Saturday Night: 

No Kristen, 

I am not your booze dumpster!

After Kristen was offering tequila that her and Noah had had around for a long time since neither of them like it. Happy Birthday to Kristen! Sorry that none of us helped out and drank the tequila for you, maybe next time.

2 Deposits Down, 1 To Go

I know I just had a wedding/marriage related post, but I am all excited today from sending off the signed contract for Jason and my wedding reception venue - Watermark Pub.

I want to pause to explain the slightly unconventional choice of location for what is normally a very formal dinner. For the longest time I told people that I would get married in 2021, do the paperwork in Las Vegas and have a big party at The Cottage. Then two most important men in my life spoiled these carefully thought out plans. Firstly, Jason hates Vegas and didn't want to do a 'destination wedding' there. Secondly, my dad died. A big wedding reception at the beach, with lots of planning and party rentals, would be most enjoyed by him and myself. With my dad gone, I no longer thought of The Cottage as a logical place to get married - it would be a lot of work and a lot of pain missing him. I needed a new dream.

I liked lots of wedding ideas, but nothing fully hit home or gave me a clear vision of what I would want to do with Jason - until I read How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran. The following excerpt hit home:

Six years and a £19.99 engagement ring later, and it’s our wedding day. It was – initially – going to be in a register office in London, followed by a reception in a pub. In boring, empty mid-October. Everyone could have got the bus home. It would have cost less than 200 quid. We could have knocked it all off in five hours flat. Oh, I wish we’d had that wedding. You can read the whole article HERE.

As I mentioned in post title, the contract and subsequent deposit that was sent to the pub today is actually the second bit of confirmed planning. We have also booked our legal ceremony or what I have been calling 'the paperwork,' at City Hall and paid a deposit there as well. The only place left to decide on, book, and pay the deposit for is somewhere on Toronto Islands where we will spend the afternoon and have our actual ceremony.

Hungover

After celebrating

Cinco De Mayo

the next day feels more like

Sicko De Mayo

I am sure I am not the first person to come up with the concept above, nor am I the first person to be feeling these effects.

Bracketing Thirty

Happy Birthday to two of the greatest friends I could ever ask for!

I am back from a quick trip to Ottawa. Jason and I drove up for the weekend. We got to celebrate two birthdays and see a lot of people. I miss my friends from there so much and it never feels like enough time: brunch with Heather, a quick hug from Justin, Erin AH stops by for a party. It was also great to stay with Jenn and Jon, in their new home they purchased this past summer.

It was a prime weekend to catch people on their birthdays! We didn't choose specifically to go up for that reason; we hadn't been in a while and it was a weekend that worked. Anna turned 29 on Friday and I left work early to ensure we could make it in time for a bit of the party she was having (got a quick catch up with Wes too which was nice.) Steph is turns 31 today, though we mainly celebrated last night with games, nachos, pizza, and pie. A quick visit with her and Dave this afternoon to toast some cupcakes before the drive back to Toronto meant that I did get to see her on her actual birthday too.

The Talking Cure - Post 2 of 3

I was amazed at the number of responses that I got to sending people The Talking Cure article. So many people replied and wrote about their thoughts on the issue - some were quite lengthy emails. I can send a message to my closest of friends, about a party or some other fun activity, requesting an RSVP of some type, and I get less people responding.

One of the main things that I noticed was that people found the article long, which I warned them about by stating in the original email that it was Long Form, and many didn't finish it.

Here are some direct quotes about the length of the article (which I am keeping anonymous, since those that replied did not necessarily consent to being posted on Always Standing.)

Wow those New Yorker articles are long! I didn't quite finish  

thanks for the article. i didn't read the very end. 

I will admit that I ran out of time to read the whole article you sent but did get through half.

Very interesting article. Too long for me to read it in full right now but I got through a good chunk of it.

What was really impressive, was that despite the fact that most didn't finish it, everyone that responded had really interesting perspectives about the issue. Stay tuned tomorrow to see what people thought about what they had read.

Party Dad In A Party Hat

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down - A post about my Dad each Sunday, named after a song that he loved.

My dad collected a lot of things. I remember our back room in Paris (which was both a mud-room and laundry-room) had his hat collection around the top of the walls. A whole row of strange hats. I don't know where they all went but they got taken down some point when I was a teenager. My favorite was always this cool white safari-style one. The picture on the left is from a party in Liberty Village that I found out about through the BIA. (Working there didn't really mean a lot of perks, in fact because we were connected to The City we weren't allowed to accept any perks anyways. However, I did get to hear about all the cool events that were going on in the area.) Danielle took this picture; my parents, myself, and lots of my friends ended up going to the aforementioned party. It was at a local bar, which I think was celebrating hiring a new chef - appetizers were passed around. Corona was there and Dad got this hat after chatting up the 'Corona Girls'. Makers Mark was also there and I tried it for the first time - it is now my preferred bourbon.