Always Editing

Every now and then I go back and read bits of Always Standing - I tend to find errors. Here is a recent one:

From: Spoiled By J
Said: I found it both flattering and revealing.
(When talking about him finding and reading my blog.)
Should be: I found it both flattering and relieving.

Spoiled By J

I met J very very quickly on eHarmony. He was one of the matches that I messaged the first night I joined and he was the first person I met up with to meet face-to-face. To be ensure that the first date truly was special, I met up with someone else from the online dating site to see if all dates were like that since I was so new to it all. The second date was enjoyable but the chemistry was not there for me. This second guy wanted to meet up again and I had to apologize and say we weren't a good match. J and I then moved quite quickly into 'relationship status' and I stopped being an active participant on eHarmony - basically closing my profile.

J and I had a decent run - for the most part it was a fun three months and a great re-entry into the world of dating after a bit of a hiatus. However, I feel like it gave me a false sense of security and incorrect impressions of the online-dating world.

Thoughts From My First Use Of eHarmony And How The Second Run Is Different:

-- "This is going to be super fast and easy." J and I sent a couple of fun and witty emails, did a bit of arranging over text message to meet up and grabbed dinner as a last minute plan when we both figured out we have an evening free. Now, I am probably over a month into dating again and I have found getting to know guys and arranging dates with them can be tedious. Sometimes the text messaging stage lasts so long and gets so intense/flirty/frequent that it is practically like we are dating before we even meet. I also am busy so maybe that is making it harder to arrange times to meet - but I am always busy usually my social life fits around everything well.

-- "I am going to meet interesting people and do interesting things." This thought is manly based on the idea the dates are creative, fun, outings. Admittedly J and I just grabbed basic pub dinners the first few times we went out but soon after, because his interests and life were so different from mine, I got to do a lot of things I hadn't done before - like go to a hockey game in Toronto, Go Leafs Go! I think I have first-date burnout. I have gotten to visit some nice restaurants that I haven't been to before (and I got taken out in a really sweet car by a guy who sadly never called again) but in general these meetings are not super thrilling. 

-- "The blog is going to help me."  J had found Always Standing prior to us going on our first date - without prompting. This ended up disclosing the ADD, depression, what I look like, etc. upfront. I found it both flattering and revealing. Now, guys either refuse to look me up, even when given the details or they do and then they disappear, presumably turned-off my something that they found online.

-- "Everyone will want to meet and then date me." My first two dates both resulted in being asked out a second time. I proceeded to date one of them and had to politely decline the other. Even beyond that there were people still online who were interested in meet me. I am finding people this time around who are interested in meeting me - though it doesn't feel like a long or impressive list at the moment. However, once they meet me - they do not want to see me again! Some just completely sever conversation, which is so frustrating. Then others send a short message stating that they aren't interested in pursuing things further, which is a method that I prefer, however still can be heart-breaking at times.

It is definitly a good thing that the last thought listed above got challenged. It is not healthy/attractive to go around with that sort of attitude. However, I do wish things were going better. I will post later on about the various theories as to why I don't seem to be making good connections this time around.

J Got Off The Pot

It was a really busy weekend! Many things happened over the last couple of days. Sadly, one of them was that on Sunday afternoon J broke up with me. It was quite sudden and I did not see it coming. I feel like it was a brave move on his part. I think there were some good things about us as a couple but we were far from being a perfect match. I am finding myself glad that he had the strength to note this and end things. While I enjoyed J alot, I had been struggling to picture how we were going to work long term - a worry that I tended to ignore. I don't know if he worried about that as well, but more importantly the present wasn't working for him. As always, it is a bit sad when things like this are over, but I'm resilient and find myself taking it all in stride.

After the breakup I noticed that it had occurred just one day before our 'official' 3 month anniversary. I felt like I knew that was an important milestone. I now struggle to find any statistics to back that feeling up. For example, I know at one point I saw a chart of divorce rates by length of marriage and there were real spikes at certain times, like 7 years, or 11 or something, and then around the point when children would have left the home but again I can't find any of that information now either. Well, I think I have determined that my feelings around the relevance of 3 months of dating comes from the movie Waiting with Ryan Reynolds:
Monty: What's going on with you and Amy? So how long have you two been...
Dean: Three months.
Monty: Shit or get off the pot time. Are you gonna talk to her or hope you're never forced to make an actual decision? 
Dean: I'm going with option "B". 
Monty: That's my boy. 
In the movie the situation is a little different, I think they had been dating for three months and needed to decide it they were going to make the move to being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' or something. Basically I need to stop basing my relationship knowledge on low-budget comedies from 2005, no matter how hot the lead actor is. (See image.) Live and learn. Live and learn.

Tips For My Twitter

For all those that read Always Standing but don't use Twitter, you may have been curious or confused about the little Twitter-Feed that appears on the left side of the blog - Twitter Updates. It shows the last 4 or so posts that I have made on my personal Twitter. (Though if you have Twitter, please also follow my professional account as well.) I guess my suggestion would be that after catching up on the posts on Always Standing, you can click on the "Follow me on Twitter," that is in small print below all the updates, to go to my profile page and catch up on the smaller updates there.

The feed provided on Always Standing actually doesn't capture everything. For example, at the moment the top Tweet is "We literally could not be closer! @justintetreault and home plate #gojaysgo http://t.co/yIlEiXYj" which is a post I made last night about the baseball game I went to with J (if you click the link, there is also a picture.) However, on my Twitter page the first Tweet showing is one written by J (about the same game, with a different but similar picture) that I reTweeted, "At the @BlueJays game with @SweetonChris Great seats. http://pic.twitter.com/JvunpLYZ." Often reTweets don't show up on the Always Standing list.

My suggestion - click that little link at the bottom of that list (the only link that works actually, despite other things looking like links) to catch up on my 140 character Twitter posts.

A Statement Of Disappointment

I went to my first ever Toronto Maple Leafs game last night. J got us tickets and we watched them play the Carolina Hurricanes. I had seen a couple of Ottawa Senators games when I lived there but I like the ACC as a stadium way better, even though we were fairly high up the slight lines were great! Also, I like the Leafs and really really am not a fan of the Sens. Sadly, the Leaf's lost, without scoring a single goal but it was still a really fun experience and reminded me again how much I love hockey.

Related to hockey but really connected to all sports - I hate when people boo and heckle. I have always been the type of person who will cheer and clap for the opposing team if they do something particularly impressive. (Last night, despite winning 3-0, the Hurricane's were not all that impressive.) Anyway, booing and heckling is so unsportsmanlike. But I realized what I don't like is when fans of one team do it to the opposing team solely because they are the opposing team - that is what is truly unsportsmanlike about it, as they are ignoring the sport of it and reacting to just the emotions tied to it. But when your own team plays badly, or borderline gives up bothering to play, wouldn't this booing just be a statement of disappointment? A critic of their 'work,' connected to their lack of talent or effort? We cheer when our team does well, wouldn't it make sense to boo at glaring errors as well? To cheer when the opposing team falters or boo when they succeed is more unsportsmanlike. What about when the reaction connects with the action, booing for bad playing?

I also don't like any booing, heckling, or negativity in general at an amateur or youth sporting event. I think that is ridiculous and counter productive in terms of fostering talent and enjoyment of the sport. However, last night at the ACC, we were not watching children, or amateurs, we were watching people who are paid a lot of money to play hockey and we were a very large group of people who had paid a lot of money to watch them. I think there maybe a place for negativity in this case.

Near the end of the game, after a disappointing loss, the crowd started cheering "Go Blue Jays Go" which I found quite funny but I did not join in. I just don't think I could ever be someone who would boo at anything, it just seems too cruel. However, I am starting to think about it differently and am more okay with others doing it.

Now, the fact that the stadium is always sold out and that there is a huge waiting list for seasons tickets and the jerseys, apparel, etc sells well, means that the powers that be in the world of Toronto Maple Leafs are continuing to make a lot of money. While it would be nice for the team to do well, they don't need to really work at it that hard. I don't think booing is going to change anything - except maybe make players less likely to want to play for a team whose fans behave in this manner. Really - money talks. But, the game was awesome to see and I would pay to go to another so the cycle continues.

FOREVER!

So, I signed up for 3 months on eHarmony, which are drawing to a close. Unfortunatly (for extensive eHarmony use but fortunatly in general), I met J really early on so have had an inactive profile for most of that time. I want to be sure they don't charge my credit card for an extra 4th month so set about closing down my account. It was a hilarious and almost upsetting experience. Here is what one of the pages read:

You are about to close your eHarmony.com account. This will permanently close all of your existing matches, and disable the My Matches page.

If you are closing your account because you've met a special person to share your life, on eHarmony or elsewhere, congratulations. If you haven't yet made that connection, I'd like you to consider the following points:
-Research shows only 1 in 4 American marriages are actually happy.
-Choosing the right mate is the KEY to creating a compatible, loving relationship.
-Finding a soul mate on your own and knowing if you're really compatible has never been more confusing or difficult.
-eHarmony's proven method of selecting compatible matches has helped create thousands of happy, successful relationships.

There are two additional, important points you should know as you search for a special relationship:

First, if you haven't experienced the success you anticipated with eHarmony, there are probably adjustments that can be made to your account to help make your experience more productive. But in order to help, we need to know what's wrong. Please click on this link and share your problem with us, we can work with you to improve your results.

Lastly, we really care about your success. There are thousands of online dating services that will offer up hundreds of "matches" based on little more than your favorite hobby. Our goal is completely different. We're helping you find someone to live with and love FOREVER! We think it is important that people are matched for the right reasons and we want to see you benefit from our approach, as so many others have. eHarmony isn't magic. But every day we're working to address the needs of our members. Chances are we can make eHarmony work for you.

It did work! I don't know about live with and love FOREVER! As that is a scary thought in general, even more so with the capitals. However, J is great and I'm really happy to have met him.

Thank you eHarmony, sorry we had to have such an aggressive farewell...

The Toy Is A Tank

Even though The Toy is a tank, it is not as much of a tank as a Range Rover. When I rear-ended this mammoth SUV (see Previous Post) - the front of The Toy just crumpled. But strangely it still works... not only does it run but it sounds the same as before, there are no new noises. The windshield wipers still go, the heating and air conditioning might even still function - I haven't checked though. Even though both headlights are insanely smashed, they both still work!

I love The Toy. But, the mechanic said that it would cost between $3,000 to $3,200 to fix. He banged down the bent hood (for no cost), which is protecting the previously exposed engine while I figure out what I'm going to do about this. I have thought it over and of course I won't be paying to fix it. I don't have that type of money and if I did I should use it towards a newer car sometime in the future.

Once Kristen, Noah, and J saw it they all said it didn't look nearly as bad as they thought it would (this is because the hood got bent back down). I did one last short drive down the street to The Goodwill Thursday night. Last week, J and I had filled the trunk with things from Rrunuv Bayit that Kristen and I were donating, some of which was heavy. As a final goodbye to The Toy Kristen, Noah and I drove to empty the trunk at The Goodwill that is a block away.

Kristen and Noah said that they saw a little smoke coming out of one of the sides when the engine was first turned on. Anyway, it would be much easier to say goodbye if it sounded terrible when I drove it, or things didn't work. I only spoke with the mechanic on the phone but I am going to go in see him to discuss how safe it is to drive - I don't want it to blow up. I might keep it for small trips like going for groceries or to work. It is hard to say goodbye.

Not Really A Blog

So J told me that he decided to start 'blogging' and by this he meant writing for The Huffington Post, which really is not a blog at all. (This is a blog.) Anyway, apart from being really jealous, I am also very proud. The article (Rob Ford, TTC, Employment Law) is good, it is interesting and I look forward to reading more that go up. Read it HERE. Oh, and the day after it was posted the article got featured on the front page and listed as the top story. Congrats!

Fuck February

I have realised that February has pretty much always been an awful month for me. Some really horrible things have happened to me during various Februaries.
- I have nearly been fired, twice
- I have actually been fired, once
- My Grandma died a few years ago in February, I think
- Binx died last February
- I nearly failed an entire semester of my undergrad
- I went through two horrible breakups
- On two separate occasions in previous Februaries I have been suicidal
Basically it is the month when my depression has the tendency to be at its worst, which has lead to disastrous situations in my academic, work, social, and love life. I really want to get through this month without anything getting messed up.

This February has the potential to be a bit of a perfect storm for depression for the following reasons:
- I have been eating badly for a few months
- I have been out of shape for many months
- I am only just out of my last bought of serious depression
- I am no longer seeing my councillor through Ryerson
- I am adjusting to life not being a student
- My work is very busy with lots of projects on the go
- My parents are away and I miss them
- I have no money and it is stressing me out
- It is damp, cold, dark, and grey

However, I will not let it win this time. I am going to fight my hardest and my smartest this month so that the depression stays away. Here's how:
- I'm very careful about always properly taking my medication
- My friends and family are amazingly supportive
- I'm in a new relationship that I'm really excited about
- I have started to use a 'sun lamp' every morning
- Two is at a really fun stage, crazy and a bit cuddly
- I have been watching my sleep schedule carefully, getting at least 7hrs
- The CAMH CBT group is going well
- I am going to the gym regularly
- I have restarted the Curves diet and am working at eating well
- Rrunuv Bayit is tidy, Kristen is a huge help in this
- I quit Tim Hortons to focus on keeping everything else on track
- My loan is coming soon
- I'm trying to be honest and forthcoming with everyone
(Please consider this post to be me working towards that last point.)

It's Official

I have a boyfriend.