Paying For It

Our first mortgage payment came out today. Wow, what a rush to see it show up when I checked our online banking. It feels so grown up and scary. It is overwhelming to think how big our debt now is and how long it will take for us to pay it off. Luckily the mortgage has lots of features that let us increase payments, put large amounts against it, and such. However, owning a house still feels pretty daunting.

Really? No Way!

---------- from Twitter

"Money for deals is the biggest obstacle holding investors back from doing the real estate deals they want to."

Shocking revelation! Okay, I admit there could be many other obstacles holding investors back: doubt in the market, comfort in other areas of investing, previous bad experiences with real estate and/or tenets, wanting something faster and/or easier to invest in, etc. However, I feel that, in general, money is an obstacle that prevents a lot of people from doing a lot of things, seems like a pretty pointless statement. 

This Is Las Vegas

This is from a book that I gave my dad for Father's Day a few years ago, according to the inscription I made in the front, 2009 actually. I don't even really remember that, or where I bought it but I picked it up this weekend while I was at the cottage and finished the whole thing in a day and a half - quite the fun little read! I thought the following section was particularly good as it is fitting for both my love of Las Vegas and the current debate about Toronto possibly getting a casino:

"The casinos lie out there on the baked earth like extravagant toys discarded on a beach, their signs looping, beckoning, spiraling, and fizzing recklessly, as in that moment of glory just before the batteries run down.  'Las Vegas,' wrote Tom Wolfe, 'is the only town in the world whose skyline is made up neither of buildings, like New York, nor of trees, like Wilbraham, Massachusetts, but signs.  One can look at Las Vegas from a mile away on Route 91 and see no buildings, no trees, only signs.'  But what the signs are signaling so hectically are invitations less to luck than to fantasy.  The Strip is a Disneyland for the middle-aged, its hotels conceived not just as places to stay but as Hollywood sets, each built around an idea, each offering its guests the chance to star in the movie of their choice.  Those who have secretly hankered after Ben Hur go to Ceaser's Palace, where they can lounge on Cleopatra's Barge (with a view of the gaming tables) while their drinks are served by girls dressed as Roman slaves.  At Aladdin's, it's The Arabian Nights, at the Dunes and the Sahara discrete versions of The Desert Song, and at Circus-Circus Big Top, with trapeze artists flying about above your head while you gamble and a gallery of battering sideshows to bemuse the children.  Each is a world in itself, staffed by upward of three thousand people, with its own swimming pool, gymnasium, and arcade of expensive shops; many of the hotels have tennis courts or golf courses, and most of them stage elaborate supper shows, with famous stars and full supporting casts, more lavish and expensively staged than Broadway musicals.  Together they constitute a kind of movieland version of the Borscht Belt, with gambling as an added element of fantasy and release.  They also offer anyone with even a modest bankroll an appearance of the opulence, luxury, and obsequious service that is elsewhere reserved for the very rich.  For the few days his money lasts, the Las Vegas tourist can in every possible way feel like a film star.

The typical guest at a Strip hotel is a middle-aged and middle class - over a quarter of the guests are college graduates, a fifth are self-employed- and that is how the casinos want it.  They are more interested in turnover than in the really high rollers.  This is why they have failed to attract the oil-rich Arabs who fuel the gambling economy of Europe.  The Arabs, I was told, find Las Vegas rules too restrictive.  If they bet the table limit on a single number at roulette, they are not allowed to double that bet on a split number, or treble or quadruple it on a three-way or four-way chance, as they can in London.  The conglomerates that now own most of the casinos do not want million-dollar winners, or even million-dollar losers.  They want steadier, more moderate customers-those who will win or lose tens of thousands of dollars at most.  Which is, of course, more than enough to wipe out the majority of us.  But in the world of really big-time gambling they order these things differently, and Las Vegas has lost out as a result.  Its casinos turn over more than a billion dollars a year, but democratically, from twelve million weekenders, conventioneers, and passing tourists and some sixty thousand couples served annually by the town's second industry-quick marriages."

From The Biggest Game In Town by A. Alvarez, 1983
(And a big thank you to Jason for typing out the above passage for me while I watered my parent's plants.)

New Years Resolutions - Money

I would like to substantially pay down my debt this year and learn to live well within my means. Kristen noted that she really struggled her first year working full time to make the money stretch to cover everything but the next year, on nearly the same about of pay, it was easier. I am hoping that is true and looking at ways to better watch, save, and budget my money.

Do I O U 2?

I really really need a laptop. My parent's want their netbook back, and I find it challenging to use. I got it in my head that I would buy a very cheap laptop - for $200. I scrounged together $200 and started looking; well, it turns out that laptops are sightly more than that. So instead I am going to start paying back the people I owe money too, which includes, but I don't think is limited to:
- Teri (for hotels/hostels during our trip)
- Steph (for a train ticket to her wedding)
- Dad (for the bridesmaids' dresses he put on his Sears card)
Let's just not talk about the credit cards...

Where It Should Go

I have NO money at the moment, but when I do, this is where it needs to go:
- To Kristen (for rent, hydro, cable/phone/internet)
- To Teri (for previous snowboard trip)
- To Noah (for Oscar pool)
- To The Other Christine (for future snowboard trip)
- Get glasses
- Oil change for The Toy
- Pay of credit cards x2
- Get Two fixed
- New phone
- New laptop
I think the last two are just wishful thinking and won't be done for a while. Maybe I should get started on my taxes so as to have some extra money.

Fuck February

I have realised that February has pretty much always been an awful month for me. Some really horrible things have happened to me during various Februaries.
- I have nearly been fired, twice
- I have actually been fired, once
- My Grandma died a few years ago in February, I think
- Binx died last February
- I nearly failed an entire semester of my undergrad
- I went through two horrible breakups
- On two separate occasions in previous Februaries I have been suicidal
Basically it is the month when my depression has the tendency to be at its worst, which has lead to disastrous situations in my academic, work, social, and love life. I really want to get through this month without anything getting messed up.

This February has the potential to be a bit of a perfect storm for depression for the following reasons:
- I have been eating badly for a few months
- I have been out of shape for many months
- I am only just out of my last bought of serious depression
- I am no longer seeing my councillor through Ryerson
- I am adjusting to life not being a student
- My work is very busy with lots of projects on the go
- My parents are away and I miss them
- I have no money and it is stressing me out
- It is damp, cold, dark, and grey

However, I will not let it win this time. I am going to fight my hardest and my smartest this month so that the depression stays away. Here's how:
- I'm very careful about always properly taking my medication
- My friends and family are amazingly supportive
- I'm in a new relationship that I'm really excited about
- I have started to use a 'sun lamp' every morning
- Two is at a really fun stage, crazy and a bit cuddly
- I have been watching my sleep schedule carefully, getting at least 7hrs
- The CAMH CBT group is going well
- I am going to the gym regularly
- I have restarted the Curves diet and am working at eating well
- Rrunuv Bayit is tidy, Kristen is a huge help in this
- I quit Tim Hortons to focus on keeping everything else on track
- My loan is coming soon
- I'm trying to be honest and forthcoming with everyone
(Please consider this post to be me working towards that last point.)

Money Money!!

I don't have any more OSAP coming in for my summer semester, the amount they have already given me is supposed to have lasted, (yeah, like that happened.) However, I should be getting a Research Assistant job through my program as it was part of my funding. It looks like that will be sorted out in the coming weeks. I'm also going to work at the polls on election day and that will make me a bit of money. I just got confirmation that I got the job today and am heading to a training session (also paid) on Friday. Finally, I did my taxes with my dad last night. Normally I do them by myself but it was good to have the company and double check. I mailed that off today and if I did the calculations correctly, and this fact is doubtful, than I should be getting a couple of thousand dollars back. I hope to soon be 'in the money' again!

Why I Can't Spell

propose, proposed, proposing, proposes - verb - to put forward for consideration, discussion, or adoption; to suggest; to nominate; to offer a toast; to make known intention or purpose; to form or make a proposal - My friends proposed we all go on a ski trip; The Toronto mayor proposed a plan to destroy the TTC; Dave proposed to Steph; I proposed hypertext as my thesis topic; How do you propose I learn to spell?

proposal - noun - the act of proposing; something that is proposed; an offer of marriage - Everyone thought my proposal needed more research; The Toronto National Yacht Club is reviewing my proposal for membership; I just finished writing a proposal for another essay.

purposal - not a word

purpose - noun - an aim or a goal; a result or effect that is intended or desired; an intention - The purpose of my move to Toronto was to get my Masters in English; My OSAP loans are small but they serve a good purpose; Sometimes my life seems to lack purpose or meaning; I have started work again with a renewed sense of purpose.

purposed, purposing, purposes - verb - to intend or resolve to perform or accomplish; to propose as an aim to oneself - I've been purposing to work harder at school some time now; I have not purposed to misrepresent my life on Always Standing any way.

So Many Inches

My OSAP money finally came! I was living on the last dregs of my bank account and dancing on the edge of a maxed out credit card. But now I am no longer in the red and can now do/buy the things I was ignoring because I was too poor.

First off, I need to update my clothes. I do love shopping, however at the end of the day clothes couldn't mean less to me. I rarely end up spending any money on how I look, and sadly this tends to show. I make do and buy what I need to get by. By the end of my time in Ottawa my wardrobe was almost exclusively business-casual for working in the government, then over the summer all my normal-basic-casual clothes went on the trip with me and got so worn out and gross, plus with my recent bit of weight loss nothing even fits anyway. Basically I have been screwed for clothes these past few months, to the point that when Taylor was down she forced me to buy jeans and paid for them. (I'm paying her back with the OSAP money tonight.) I went shopping again today and am slowly starting to build up some nice clothes for winter.

Secondly, it has been almost a year since I last cut my hair. Yes, it is lovely long, but it was also very dried out and damaged at the ends. I wore it up 90% of the time, and by up I don't even mean a ponytail but actually in a tight ballet-bun. It was definitely time to get some shape put back into it. It is always scary trying to find a new hairdresser who can cut curly hair, I have had some awful experiences in the past. I did a walk-in at a nice place in the Eaton's Centre and I think the guy did a great job. It is much much shorter, I think at least 4 inches were cut off. My hair is now at my shoulders!!

When OSAP Comes In

My expenses are piling up and OSAP is being a pain. I don't have it yet but when I do, I need to:
-pick up a bus pass
-pay off my parents for buying my plane ticket to Halifax
-get groceries
-buy textbooks and novels, there is a lot and they are expensive
-go to the dentist
-buy the Second Season of How I Met Your Mother
-get my eyebrows waxed, and maybe my legs
-pay off my credit card
-give Steph cash for chairs I'm buying from Dave's sister
-get cat food
-go shopping to get new bras, underwear, boots and a pair of jeans

Business Ethics

When Teri graduated she was offered a job at Capital One. It was a really awesome job with a salary that was out of this world. She however turned it down. She didn't want to work for a credit card company, especially one that relies so much on telemarketing and pop-up advertisements. While I think that I also have ethics connected to where I work, at the time I was shocked with Teri's choice as mine did not extend to condemning companies that use pop-ups. Tonight that has changed. I am angry! As I sit here writing my essay I am using Dictionary.com as my thesaurus. The problem is that whenever I search a word I get a pop-up and that pop-up is for, you guessed it, Capital One. I don't know whether I should be mad at the credit card company for advertising in this way, though kudos to them for picking an intellectual and well used site to do it, or angry with the site itself for succumbing to selling pop-up ads to make money. I could also be mad at myself for not finding a better site to use. Either way, Teri was right, pop-ups are annoying and evil! I would not want to work for a company that uses them.

Most Depressing Day

A no-so accredited academic source, a former part-time tutor at an UK university, has calculated the most depressing day of the year to be the Monday of the last full week in January. Called 'Blue Monday', the date was calculated using many factors, including: weather conditions, debt level (the difference between debt accumulated and our ability to pay), time since Christmas, time since failing our new year’s resolutions, low motivational levels and feeling of a need to take action. Mind you the 'calculations' fail to make any sense. This year, it was yesterday. My day yesterday was pretty long, but fairly enjoyable. I have definitely been more depressed. I hope January 19th went well for everyone else.

It Could Be Worse

You could have wasted tens of thousands dollars on the wrong program.
You could feel like a failure.
You could have spent the last five years paying rent.
You could own nothing, no house, no car.
You could have little to nothing to show for your life thus far.
You could be living in a city that your tired of.
You could have whittled away money on travel.
You could be planning to use your inheritance paying back OSAP.
You could have no plans for the future.
You could still be searching for the right dream.
You could have ruined your chance at some of them.
You could be out of shape and overweight.
You could have to take pills every morning to function in society.
You could be alone.

It could be worse.
You have shown me how it could.
It could be much worse.

I have found things I'm good at.
I have my whole life ahead of me.
I have an adorable apartment and an affectionate cat.
I have a passion for learning, from school, from others, from experience.
I have the best family who gave me an amazing life thus far.
I have the greatest friends who love and support me.
I have plans to visit new and exciting places.
I have some inheritance left.
I have time to try new things and learn about myself.
I have never been without.
I have worked hard to overcome obstacles I encounter.
I have learned to run, dance, snowboard, and play piano.
I have medicine that stops illness from holding me back.
I have total and utter freedom to live life to its fullest.

Lottery Winners

I keep meaning to post about this. Early in the month two Ottawa men won Lotto 6-49. It was a really sweet story. One was a barber and they split on the ticket after a haircut. They are now splitting the $32 Million jackpot. What is even cooler is that it is the barber from around the corner. Also they got the ticket at my local corner store. It is just such a cute story, they have been playing it together for decades, every time the one comes in for a haircut. I think of it now because I just got news about my OSAP and it is way more than I anticipated, so it feels like I won the lottery too!

Money, Finally

After a frantic call to my parents this morning to borrow $50 so I could pay to fill a prescription, I come home from work this evening to find my tax return. It was also a couple hundred more that I was expecting. Now I feel like I'm "In The Money" and want to buy some things I have been eyeing and wanting lately:
-$45-Bandeau Dress by American Apparel
-$80-Alcohol to make Swedish Berry Martinis at home
-$15-Flip Flops
-$60-Bathing suit
-$150-An night out with friends at Eighteen
I probably will just end up putting 95% of it against my loan and spending the rest on cabs and food, my two stupid money weaknesses.

Losing Control

I seem to be having issues again. Spending, health, class, etc. I don't understand, I can spend a full or half day being very productive and healthy and then an hour later buying things I don't need and can't afford, eating things that are unhealthy, or just skipping meals all together. I start running late for things, resenting class, and avoiding doing simple readings. I have no access to money (nothing in my bank account and credit card cancelled) so I'm going on my trip this weekend for T*'s birthday with no money to my name. I don't know what I'm going to do for food and bar cover while I'm there. I feel behind in my classes and they have barely started. I'm sick, I have a cold and sore throat again, so I'm just this unhealthy, wimpy, pathetic, idiot.