I am still a bit down because of Father's Day and how much it reminds me of Dad's death. Unlike more organic remembrances, that may still be sad but are at least enjoyable nostalgia, Father's Day just makes me think about the fact he is missing from my life now. It is definitely painful. His birthday is also coming up on Wednesday so it is a rough time for grief all around.
My event is, and like all event planning, the last week is chaos. It is basically controlled panic. While I do enjoy it, I could never do events like this full time - too exhausting. Also, this is a massive event and there has been less time to plan it than normal, even for a smaller event.
Also, related to work, it seems local discontent is coming a bit to the surface, which in general is a good thing because it will allow me to address concerns and improve relationships. But really this isn't coming at a time when I have the time, energy, or even mental capacity to give it the attention it deserves.
One week from today, next Monday, I should be able to take a deep breath and feel more centered.
Showing posts with label Conflict. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conflict. Show all posts
Monday, 19 June 2017
Wednesday, 27 January 2016
Just Be Helpful
I am not a considerate person, but I try. It is important to me that those around me are happy and I would like to be helpful - helpful at work, helpful with my friends, helpful at home.
The main trap that I tend to fall into is that I treat people as I would like to be treated - to a fault. I literally imagine myself in the other person's shoes and think about what I would be thinking/wanting. I often forget to notice what they are feeling because I just superimpose what I would be feeling onto the situation and act from there. True empathy comes from understanding and reacting to the emotion first, not the circumstance. That is the extra step that is hard for me, to let go of what I would be feeling, wanting, or thinking, and recognize that someone else is having a different reaction.
When I read the article, She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink, by Matt from his blog Must Be This Tall To Ride, I didn't identify with the 'She,' instead I saw my life with Jason and my friends from the writer's perspective. This was not because I would be the one to leave the dish, though I totally would - everyone I know is tidier than me. It is because I still enjoy doing things for my loved ones, and days that I find ways to try to make there lives better are great days. I want to continue to be, "grateful for another opportunity to demonstrate to [the people I care about] that [they] comes first and that I can be counted on to be there for [them]." I agree with the author that without that feeling/attitude a relationship or friendship will become disrespectful.
There was one section that I did identify with the opposite partner in the story, the female half of relationship in article. When describing the challenges between a couple as they talk about how something makes them feel, and that something 'irrational' has a larger emotional effect. This is always a difficult conversation, I would say it happens in all relationships and friendships, how do you make someone understand how you feel, and that those feelings are valid and important, when they would feel so different in the same situation? Truly, our emotions are secrets! This section is powerful (please ignore the gender dichotomy and use of the word 'marriage', I think that this concept works across all types of relationships, partnerships, and friendships):
If he fully understood this secret she has never explained to him in a way that doesn’t make her sound crazy to him (causing him to dismiss it as an inconsequential passing moment of emo-ness), and that this [...] situation and all similar arguments will eventually end his marriage, I believe he WOULD rethink which battles he chose to fight, and would be more apt to take action doing things he understands to make his wife feel loved and safe.
I think a lot of times, wives don’t agree with me. They don’t think it’s possible that their husbands don’t know how their actions make her feel because she has told him, sometimes with tears in her eyes, over and over and over and over again how upset it makes her and how much it hurts.
And this is important: Telling a man something that doesn’t make sense to him once, or a million times, doesn’t make him “know” something. Right or wrong, he would never feel hurt if the same situation were reversed so he doesn’t think his wife SHOULD hurt. It’s like, he doesn’t think she has the right to (and then use it as a weapon against him) because it feels unfair.
“I never get upset with you about things you do that I don’t like!” men reason, as if their wives are INTENTIONALLY choosing to feel hurt and miserable.
When you choose to love someone, it becomes your pleasure to do things that enhance their lives and bring you closer together, rather than a chore.
The main trap that I tend to fall into is that I treat people as I would like to be treated - to a fault. I literally imagine myself in the other person's shoes and think about what I would be thinking/wanting. I often forget to notice what they are feeling because I just superimpose what I would be feeling onto the situation and act from there. True empathy comes from understanding and reacting to the emotion first, not the circumstance. That is the extra step that is hard for me, to let go of what I would be feeling, wanting, or thinking, and recognize that someone else is having a different reaction.
When I read the article, She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink, by Matt from his blog Must Be This Tall To Ride, I didn't identify with the 'She,' instead I saw my life with Jason and my friends from the writer's perspective. This was not because I would be the one to leave the dish, though I totally would - everyone I know is tidier than me. It is because I still enjoy doing things for my loved ones, and days that I find ways to try to make there lives better are great days. I want to continue to be, "grateful for another opportunity to demonstrate to [the people I care about] that [they] comes first and that I can be counted on to be there for [them]." I agree with the author that without that feeling/attitude a relationship or friendship will become disrespectful.
There was one section that I did identify with the opposite partner in the story, the female half of relationship in article. When describing the challenges between a couple as they talk about how something makes them feel, and that something 'irrational' has a larger emotional effect. This is always a difficult conversation, I would say it happens in all relationships and friendships, how do you make someone understand how you feel, and that those feelings are valid and important, when they would feel so different in the same situation? Truly, our emotions are secrets! This section is powerful (please ignore the gender dichotomy and use of the word 'marriage', I think that this concept works across all types of relationships, partnerships, and friendships):
If he fully understood this secret she has never explained to him in a way that doesn’t make her sound crazy to him (causing him to dismiss it as an inconsequential passing moment of emo-ness), and that this [...] situation and all similar arguments will eventually end his marriage, I believe he WOULD rethink which battles he chose to fight, and would be more apt to take action doing things he understands to make his wife feel loved and safe.
I think a lot of times, wives don’t agree with me. They don’t think it’s possible that their husbands don’t know how their actions make her feel because she has told him, sometimes with tears in her eyes, over and over and over and over again how upset it makes her and how much it hurts.
And this is important: Telling a man something that doesn’t make sense to him once, or a million times, doesn’t make him “know” something. Right or wrong, he would never feel hurt if the same situation were reversed so he doesn’t think his wife SHOULD hurt. It’s like, he doesn’t think she has the right to (and then use it as a weapon against him) because it feels unfair.
“I never get upset with you about things you do that I don’t like!” men reason, as if their wives are INTENTIONALLY choosing to feel hurt and miserable.
When you choose to love someone, it becomes your pleasure to do things that enhance their lives and bring you closer together, rather than a chore.
Wednesday, 17 June 2015
Very True
"Critique is an opportunity to learn and to grow and to better ourselves. And who among us could not be better? Liars, that’s who!"
- Daniel Dalton
Monday, 15 June 2015
The Marriage Box
It has taken the trial and error of multiple relationships, years of personal ups and downs, and the finding of my perfect partner to finally learn how to build and maintain love that is strong and healthy. Relationships take work, and sometimes the help or guidance of outside professionals. With Jason, I am more giving with love, sex, and adoration than I have ever been. I fight cleanly and argue productively. We have created a home free from insult and I look forward to creating a marriage full of love.
------------ from Facebook
------------ from Facebook
Marriage Box
Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.
Monday, 16 March 2015
Big Emotions
---------- from Facebook (A poster for toddlers, from a page with parenting tips for children aged 1 to 4.)
I think this is universal, not just for children or toddlers! Even as adults, anger can be dangerous and frustration can be overwhelming. These huge emotions often lead us to destructive behaviors and we can 'take it out on' those closest to us. The poster makes me think of emotions that are often connected to other people but these steps could even work with the more solitary negative emotions like fear or sadness.
1. Remind myself that it is never okay to hurt others.
I would adjust this to say "it is never okay to hurt myself or others" to acknowledge self-harm and suicide. It also goes beyond the physical - it is never okay to say or do things, knowingly, for the sole reason of hurting someone. I call this "fighting fair," a lot of us have the power to cause pain with our words - don't do it.
2. Take 3 deep breaths or count slowly to 10.
The counting has never worked for me. When I am extremely upset, I don't even know if I can remember how to count and it definitely doesn't calm me down. I should adjust and try the breathing one.
3. Use my words to say how I feel and what I wish would happen.
So often words are used to hurt, or to blame/accuse. Using 'I' statements is always a good rule when communicating and sharing how you feel can make you reevaluate the situation.
4. Ask for help to solve the problem.
This so difficult. I just want to stew and rant, solutions are not the focus but they should be. I would be able to move past these big negative emotions quicker if I worked at fixing whatever problem caused them instead of just living them. However, there is no way I could jump to this without the first 3 steps.
5. Take time to calm down.
If I went through the first 4 steps successfully, I don't even think that I would need that long to calm down. Though I guess it depends on the situation, and how 'big' the emotions were.
Of course it is important to help children learn to cope. But we should lead by example as well. I do not have the best, most healthy, productive, or logical ways to cope with things that upset me. It is definitely something I should continue to work on to improve.
I think this is universal, not just for children or toddlers! Even as adults, anger can be dangerous and frustration can be overwhelming. These huge emotions often lead us to destructive behaviors and we can 'take it out on' those closest to us. The poster makes me think of emotions that are often connected to other people but these steps could even work with the more solitary negative emotions like fear or sadness.
1. Remind myself that it is never okay to hurt others.
I would adjust this to say "it is never okay to hurt myself or others" to acknowledge self-harm and suicide. It also goes beyond the physical - it is never okay to say or do things, knowingly, for the sole reason of hurting someone. I call this "fighting fair," a lot of us have the power to cause pain with our words - don't do it.
2. Take 3 deep breaths or count slowly to 10.
The counting has never worked for me. When I am extremely upset, I don't even know if I can remember how to count and it definitely doesn't calm me down. I should adjust and try the breathing one.
3. Use my words to say how I feel and what I wish would happen.
So often words are used to hurt, or to blame/accuse. Using 'I' statements is always a good rule when communicating and sharing how you feel can make you reevaluate the situation.
4. Ask for help to solve the problem.
This so difficult. I just want to stew and rant, solutions are not the focus but they should be. I would be able to move past these big negative emotions quicker if I worked at fixing whatever problem caused them instead of just living them. However, there is no way I could jump to this without the first 3 steps.
5. Take time to calm down.
If I went through the first 4 steps successfully, I don't even think that I would need that long to calm down. Though I guess it depends on the situation, and how 'big' the emotions were.
Of course it is important to help children learn to cope. But we should lead by example as well. I do not have the best, most healthy, productive, or logical ways to cope with things that upset me. It is definitely something I should continue to work on to improve.
Friday, 30 January 2015
Domestic Bliss
Conversations with Jason
Any of these interactions could have easily happened; in reality though, only one actually did - I will let you guess which. However, I feel like they all represent our relationship pretty accurately.Tidy Up Time
Jason: Can you look at your stuff on the kitchen table?
*I review the multiple piles of envelopes and open them.*
Me: *Yelling to Jason in the other room.* Mainly tax stuff, investment stuff, some cards from people, and letters about magazine subscriptions.
Jason: So... what did you do about them?
Me: The magazine stuff is in the recycling and the rest is tidied up.
*Later Jason passes the kitchen and sees my neat pile of opened mail on the table."
Jason: Stacking them all together on the table does not count as tidying up!
Me: What do you mean?
Jason: Well, is this their spot?
Me: It could be their spot.
Jason: It is not their spot.
*I transfer the pile of mail to my desk in the back room which is covered in various teetering piles of similar things - the only spot I have left.*
Cooking
*Getting home late in the evening after doing a spinning class together.*
Me: Okay, you shower and I will make dinner. Do you want white cheddar or normal Kraft dinner?
Jason: I had Kraft dinner for lunch, can you make something different?
Me: Well, did you have the orange one or the white cheddar for lunch?
Jason: The orange one.
Me: Okay, I'll do the white one.
Jason: That isn't different enough.
Me: Hey, shower-ers can't be choosers. I'm cooking here.
Jason: Well, perpetual dishwashers should have a say.
Veggies
Jason: I am pulling out pork chops to defrost for dinner tonight.
Me: Okay, we should figure out a side, what veggies do we have?
Jason: Ugh, I don't know why we need to have vegetables in our lives.
Me: So we can poop.
Jason: That's what coffee is for.
Sunday, 4 May 2014
My Work Self
One of the recent job applications I did included a personality assessment thing, that it later sent me. This is what it said:
Self-Initiative
You would be described as very competitive, enterprising, assertive, determined and goal oriented. You may often display new and creative ways to reach your objectives. You will be self-evaluative and critical of your own performance. Given an objective, you would be able to develop your own plan, manage your time and focus your effort on a daily basis to reach your goals. Being a self-manager comes naturally to you, and as such you are able to work with limited guidance and direction. You are able to motivate yourself without frequent input from the management and will work well with a manager who coaches and consults rather than directs.
Drive
Your motivation is balanced between your concern for the needs of other people and meeting the long and short term goals you have set for yourself. You are most comfortable in situations that offer the opportunity to do both. You would enjoy working in an environment where you are able to meet short term targets which lead to your longer term objectives.
Communication Style
You tend to be quite comfortable in situations where there is potential for conflict. You may even occasionally create conflict to further your own goals. Comfort with conflict can be a strength and is often found in competitive people but it can also be a trait that is difficult for some managers to handle. Social Style You are quite sociable, cheerful, friendly and outgoing. You are able to build relationships and friendships without difficulty and are quite comfortable with other people. You will be able to work well in an environment where there is regular contact with others. Generally, you would be a good company representative and have the ability to communicate with a wide variety of people in a number of different functions.
Learning Style
You would be described as quite logical, analytical, factual and practical. A role requiring the solving of intellectual or conceptual problems would interest you. You would tend to enjoy technically oriented and detailed work. You pay attention to detail and would examine the issues until you feel satisfied that you understand them. Often you are interested in learning for its own sake and dealing with complex, challenging issues would be a motivating factor for you. You would be quite comfortable in a business culture that has a significant problem solving component.
Self-Perception
You have healthy self confidence, which allows you to feel that you're able to handle most situations through your own efforts. You accept responsibility for your own performance and expect to succeed in most things that you attempt. You also handle most stressful situations quite well. Urgent projects, deadlines and criticisms would normally be dealt with effectively. Your ability to cope with a stressful work environment may even enhance your performance in challenging situations.
Self-Initiative
You would be described as very competitive, enterprising, assertive, determined and goal oriented. You may often display new and creative ways to reach your objectives. You will be self-evaluative and critical of your own performance. Given an objective, you would be able to develop your own plan, manage your time and focus your effort on a daily basis to reach your goals. Being a self-manager comes naturally to you, and as such you are able to work with limited guidance and direction. You are able to motivate yourself without frequent input from the management and will work well with a manager who coaches and consults rather than directs.
Drive
Your motivation is balanced between your concern for the needs of other people and meeting the long and short term goals you have set for yourself. You are most comfortable in situations that offer the opportunity to do both. You would enjoy working in an environment where you are able to meet short term targets which lead to your longer term objectives.
Communication Style
You tend to be quite comfortable in situations where there is potential for conflict. You may even occasionally create conflict to further your own goals. Comfort with conflict can be a strength and is often found in competitive people but it can also be a trait that is difficult for some managers to handle. Social Style You are quite sociable, cheerful, friendly and outgoing. You are able to build relationships and friendships without difficulty and are quite comfortable with other people. You will be able to work well in an environment where there is regular contact with others. Generally, you would be a good company representative and have the ability to communicate with a wide variety of people in a number of different functions.
Learning Style
You would be described as quite logical, analytical, factual and practical. A role requiring the solving of intellectual or conceptual problems would interest you. You would tend to enjoy technically oriented and detailed work. You pay attention to detail and would examine the issues until you feel satisfied that you understand them. Often you are interested in learning for its own sake and dealing with complex, challenging issues would be a motivating factor for you. You would be quite comfortable in a business culture that has a significant problem solving component.
Self-Perception
You have healthy self confidence, which allows you to feel that you're able to handle most situations through your own efforts. You accept responsibility for your own performance and expect to succeed in most things that you attempt. You also handle most stressful situations quite well. Urgent projects, deadlines and criticisms would normally be dealt with effectively. Your ability to cope with a stressful work environment may even enhance your performance in challenging situations.
Saturday, 25 January 2014
Catcalls
An interesting take on Caterday, I recently read a really good article (on Buzzfeed) about the reasons a catcall isn't a compliment.
"Catcalls are directives — Turn around! Come talk to me! Let me see that smile!— which assume at their most basic level an ownership of the woman being catcalled. These aren’t innocuous or playful requests; they are symptoms of entitlement, and messages that women don’t deserve control over their own bodies."
Written by Arianna Rebolini, you can read the full list/article HERE.
"Catcalls are directives — Turn around! Come talk to me! Let me see that smile!— which assume at their most basic level an ownership of the woman being catcalled. These aren’t innocuous or playful requests; they are symptoms of entitlement, and messages that women don’t deserve control over their own bodies."
Written by Arianna Rebolini, you can read the full list/article HERE.
Thursday, 13 December 2012
Good Advice
"Don't argue with idiots. First they will bring you down to their level, then they will beat you with experience."
--- Sunjay Nath, Motivational Speaker
--- Sunjay Nath, Motivational Speaker
Friday, 2 November 2012
About To Be The Laughing Stock Of TO
There is 'buzz' about this and I shouldn't be perpetuating it. I should be also sending you to a slightly more solid source, lots of different people, blogs, newspapers, etc. have written about it. The one I like the best so far is one connected to The Toronto Star - this article was posted on their New In Homes blog and it mirrors my recent statements about the issue.
The Issue: Another condo in Liberty Village.
A local developer, Lifetime, has submitted a proposal for a new 32-story tower on the site of the Liberty Market Building. The plans call for retail on the ground floor, and six storeys of office space, and a condo tower in the centre.
The Response: Opposition!!
Residents of Liberty Village started a social media campaign to attempt to have a potential condominium stopped, “saving” the Liberty Market Building.
The Ridiculousness: The blind and illogical hypocrisy.
Negative reactions are common when areas are facing the transition from low-rise too high-rise, but what makes the Liberty Village reaction so peculiar is the fact that the area itself is already a high-rise community. It seems somewhat odd for residents who purchased in an area that was built on condos to complain about…condos.
Final Statement: This is one of the most interesting proposals that has been seen in the area recently, and the developer appears to be trying to provide positive change and preserve the building's positive attributes, which makes the resistance all the more annoyingly insane.
The Issue: Another condo in Liberty Village.
A local developer, Lifetime, has submitted a proposal for a new 32-story tower on the site of the Liberty Market Building. The plans call for retail on the ground floor, and six storeys of office space, and a condo tower in the centre.
The Response: Opposition!!
Residents of Liberty Village started a social media campaign to attempt to have a potential condominium stopped, “saving” the Liberty Market Building.
The Ridiculousness: The blind and illogical hypocrisy.
Negative reactions are common when areas are facing the transition from low-rise too high-rise, but what makes the Liberty Village reaction so peculiar is the fact that the area itself is already a high-rise community. It seems somewhat odd for residents who purchased in an area that was built on condos to complain about…condos.
Final Statement: This is one of the most interesting proposals that has been seen in the area recently, and the developer appears to be trying to provide positive change and preserve the building's positive attributes, which makes the resistance all the more annoyingly insane.
Wednesday, 26 October 2011
Yelling At Two
I haven't seen my kitten for a while now. I'm going to visit The Cottage next week and take her to her second vet appointment. (Kittens get a lot of shots!) Then I'm bringing her back to Toronto with me. Hopefully my parents have been taking care to continue to train her as I was. I'm sure they are since they too enjoy well training animals.
Mom Scolding Two
"No, Not Allowed On Side Tables"
(Taken within the first couple of days I had her.)
Mom Scolding Two"No, Not Allowed On Side Tables"
(Taken within the first couple of days I had her.)
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
TA Feedback
I asked for feedback from my two English tutorials this morning. (Something positive about tutorials, something negative about tutorials, and a general comment.) I have them all stuffed into my backpack at the moment and am saving them to read at home. Sometimes feedback is really hard to take, I'm worried that they are unhappy with my teaching style or my attitude or my lesson plans or anything really. I want to improve but at the same time I fear criticism. I asked for it, so I will man up and read them. I will learn from them and work to make the tutorials better but I really hope they aren't too mean.
Friday, 9 September 2011
Ford's Funding Cuts
Will September 19th be the date of the death of The Arts in Toronto?
That is the date of the city’s executive committee meeting where a proposal suggesting massive arts funding cuts is planned to be presented.
The purpose was prepared in response to a request from Mayor Rob Ford’s office by city manager Joe Pennachetti. If passed by city council, the plan would eliminate more than $6 million of annual funding that goes directly to 10 of the city’s top arts organizations.
But there is hope -- There are other options under consideration. Ford agreed there would be no cuts to the arts in order to get his arts advisor Jeff Melanson to work for him. “I can’t imagine city council would approve drastic cuts,” says Melanson, who has been the mayor’s adviser since November 2010. “And if it did happen, I would feel betrayed.”City council also gave its blessing earlier this year to a long-term culture plan calling for the city to increase its arts funding.
But there this is less hope -- These days Melanson has little contact with the mayor; at the end of this month he will leave Toronto and his job as co-CEO of the National Ballet School to take a job at the Banff Centre.
The purposed funding to be cut is different from that of the Toronto Arts Council. The council hands out $10 million in arts grants from the city, but the $6 million in the proposal, for the top arts groups in the city, comes directly from city hall.
For example
Canadian Opera Company: $1,317,015
National Ballet of Canada: $1,148,600
Toronto Symphony Orchestra: $1,134,036
TIFF: $800,000
AGO: $540,000
Caribana: $494,190
Luminato: $200,000
National Ballet School: $137,332
Gardiner Museum of Ceramic Art: $135,980
Pride Toronto: $123,807
I am interested to see how this story develops over the upcoming 10 days and am worried about the outcome of September 19th's meeting.
That is the date of the city’s executive committee meeting where a proposal suggesting massive arts funding cuts is planned to be presented.
The purpose was prepared in response to a request from Mayor Rob Ford’s office by city manager Joe Pennachetti. If passed by city council, the plan would eliminate more than $6 million of annual funding that goes directly to 10 of the city’s top arts organizations.
But there is hope -- There are other options under consideration. Ford agreed there would be no cuts to the arts in order to get his arts advisor Jeff Melanson to work for him. “I can’t imagine city council would approve drastic cuts,” says Melanson, who has been the mayor’s adviser since November 2010. “And if it did happen, I would feel betrayed.”City council also gave its blessing earlier this year to a long-term culture plan calling for the city to increase its arts funding.
But there this is less hope -- These days Melanson has little contact with the mayor; at the end of this month he will leave Toronto and his job as co-CEO of the National Ballet School to take a job at the Banff Centre.
The purposed funding to be cut is different from that of the Toronto Arts Council. The council hands out $10 million in arts grants from the city, but the $6 million in the proposal, for the top arts groups in the city, comes directly from city hall.
For example
Canadian Opera Company: $1,317,015
National Ballet of Canada: $1,148,600
Toronto Symphony Orchestra: $1,134,036
TIFF: $800,000
AGO: $540,000
Caribana: $494,190
Luminato: $200,000
National Ballet School: $137,332
Gardiner Museum of Ceramic Art: $135,980
Pride Toronto: $123,807
I am interested to see how this story develops over the upcoming 10 days and am worried about the outcome of September 19th's meeting.
Saturday, 25 September 2010
Samberg vs. Johnson
I had seen the preview for this and couldn't wait for the full music video to come out. (Especially because I am not that big on Jack Johnson.) Every time Andy Samburg parodies him on SNL, it is just hilarious. Sadly, I can't find any of the clips of it. Here Jack gets his revenge... or does he.
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Missing The Moments
I am currently without a camera and that just sucks for so many reasons! Firstly, we are completely repainting our apartment and some Before & After shots would have been amazing. I am unable to document my adventures in the big city of Toronto! Times out with friends will be photo-less. And, I just love having a little camera!!
The saddest thing is something that Kristen brought up, the Roommate Moments. It would be great to have some pictures of the apartment, our work on the apartment, and each other in general. We have had so many Roommate Moments; first meal, setting up the TV, grocery shopping, etc. But no pictures.
I figured I would just throw some old ones up for fun. So here is a shot of Kristen yelling at me and another of me yelling at Kristen, both for apparently no reason...
The saddest thing is something that Kristen brought up, the Roommate Moments. It would be great to have some pictures of the apartment, our work on the apartment, and each other in general. We have had so many Roommate Moments; first meal, setting up the TV, grocery shopping, etc. But no pictures.
I figured I would just throw some old ones up for fun. So here is a shot of Kristen yelling at me and another of me yelling at Kristen, both for apparently no reason...
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Speaks To My Soul
I hate how much this article represents my life. Everything except the relationship part, but that is only because I'm single, I'm sure most of my friends who are dating can relate. These are the parts that I liked the best:
-
"...at her government job, she instant messages her friends and mostly ignores the report she’s drafting because she’s planning on quitting anyway ... She spends her lunch hour buying boots that cost slightly more than her rent..."
-
"...she walks to the house that she shares with three friends and spends a few more hours on celebrity gossip websites, then clicking through the Facebook photos of girls she knew in high school posing with their husbands and babies, simultaneously judging them and feeling a deep pit of jealousy, and a strange kind of loss..."
-
"...unrelenting indecision, isolation, confusion and anxiety about working, relationships and direction ... urban, middle class and well-educated ... can’t make any decisions, because they don’t know what they want, and they don’t know what they want because they don’t know who they are, and they don’t know who they are because they’re allowed to be anyone they want..."
-
"...parents with more money and autonomy than their predecessors has resulted in benignly self-indulgent children who were sold on their own uniqueness, place in the world and right to fulfillment in a way no previous generation has felt entitled to, and an increasingly entrepreneurial, self-driven creation myth based on personal branding, social networking and untethered lifestyle spending is now responsible for our identities..."
-
"...works at a non-profit, wants to travel and get a master’s degree, but feels conflicted about doing either. 'I want to have kids, and every day that goes by, I have this number in my head. It’s 32. It used to be 30. That’s only a few years from now. I’m thinking, if I don’t do some of this stuff now, before I have kids, am I going to be able to do it?' Women are roundly considered to be in biologically ideal form for baby-making in their twenties and early thirties, which are also prime fun-having and career-building years. For women who want all of the things promised by (theoretically) equal education, work and sex lives, the conflict of desires can be catastrophic..."
-
"...inundated with constant but mostly empty communication, as the increasingly primary social sphere exists online instead of real life. Nothing could be more alienating to someone in the midst of a crisis than a tool like Facebook ... half-forgotten acquaintances and abandoned friendships reappear in this spreadsheet of potential reasons to feel terrible about yourself ... gauging your own feelings of inadequacy in direct relation to other people’s success. All these people you couldn’t give a shit about a couple of years ago are now these omnipresent benchmarks and counterpoints to measure against whatever you have or haven’t got going on in your life...”
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"...attempts to manage the Quarterlife Crisis might be as banal as drinking a lot, doing a bunch of drugs, sleeping with idiots and myriad other kinds of self-flagellation, but broader attempts are made to find some sense of purpose. An obvious choice for panicking twentysomethings with a post-undergraduate sense of displacement and for the ones that aren’t fulfilled by their jobs is grad school..."
Welcome To Your Quarterlife Crisis
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"...he doesn’t really hate his job, but feels as if his skin is crawling with vermin most of the time that he’s there, so he has a plan to move to Thailand, or to maybe write a book. Or go to law school..."-
"...at her government job, she instant messages her friends and mostly ignores the report she’s drafting because she’s planning on quitting anyway ... She spends her lunch hour buying boots that cost slightly more than her rent..."
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"...she walks to the house that she shares with three friends and spends a few more hours on celebrity gossip websites, then clicking through the Facebook photos of girls she knew in high school posing with their husbands and babies, simultaneously judging them and feeling a deep pit of jealousy, and a strange kind of loss..."
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"...unrelenting indecision, isolation, confusion and anxiety about working, relationships and direction ... urban, middle class and well-educated ... can’t make any decisions, because they don’t know what they want, and they don’t know what they want because they don’t know who they are, and they don’t know who they are because they’re allowed to be anyone they want..."
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"...parents with more money and autonomy than their predecessors has resulted in benignly self-indulgent children who were sold on their own uniqueness, place in the world and right to fulfillment in a way no previous generation has felt entitled to, and an increasingly entrepreneurial, self-driven creation myth based on personal branding, social networking and untethered lifestyle spending is now responsible for our identities..."
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"...works at a non-profit, wants to travel and get a master’s degree, but feels conflicted about doing either. 'I want to have kids, and every day that goes by, I have this number in my head. It’s 32. It used to be 30. That’s only a few years from now. I’m thinking, if I don’t do some of this stuff now, before I have kids, am I going to be able to do it?' Women are roundly considered to be in biologically ideal form for baby-making in their twenties and early thirties, which are also prime fun-having and career-building years. For women who want all of the things promised by (theoretically) equal education, work and sex lives, the conflict of desires can be catastrophic..."
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"...inundated with constant but mostly empty communication, as the increasingly primary social sphere exists online instead of real life. Nothing could be more alienating to someone in the midst of a crisis than a tool like Facebook ... half-forgotten acquaintances and abandoned friendships reappear in this spreadsheet of potential reasons to feel terrible about yourself ... gauging your own feelings of inadequacy in direct relation to other people’s success. All these people you couldn’t give a shit about a couple of years ago are now these omnipresent benchmarks and counterpoints to measure against whatever you have or haven’t got going on in your life...”
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"...attempts to manage the Quarterlife Crisis might be as banal as drinking a lot, doing a bunch of drugs, sleeping with idiots and myriad other kinds of self-flagellation, but broader attempts are made to find some sense of purpose. An obvious choice for panicking twentysomethings with a post-undergraduate sense of displacement and for the ones that aren’t fulfilled by their jobs is grad school..."
Saturday, 6 December 2008
Bring It All Back
Around this time last year I talked about bringing back the word 'league' as a measurement and in February of this year I mentioned wanting to start using long speeches to curse people instead of swearing. Jerrica has been joining me as I stalk Shakespeare lately and we just came back from a production of Twelfth Night done at a local community centre. I could watch Shakespearean plays every day, I just love them so much. Jer and I have been talking for a while about using the phrase 'go to' more and have starting saying it to each other when trying to remind of the need to study. "Want to do such and such" gets responded with "No, we/you should really study, go to." Now, I also want to use the word 'knave' to mean a person who is a jerk. The actual definition is as follows:
knave -noun
1. an unprincipled, untrustworthy, or dishonest person
2. a Jack, in a deck of cards
3. a male servant, a man of humble position
I think it is best used with a good adjective in front of it like, "That dirty knave" or "He was such a foolish knave" or "She is an arrant knave" but then I guess we would would have to bring 'arrant' back too, which means unmitigated or notorious. Maybe we should just bring it all back.
knave -noun
1. an unprincipled, untrustworthy, or dishonest person
2. a Jack, in a deck of cards
3. a male servant, a man of humble position
I think it is best used with a good adjective in front of it like, "That dirty knave" or "He was such a foolish knave" or "She is an arrant knave" but then I guess we would would have to bring 'arrant' back too, which means unmitigated or notorious. Maybe we should just bring it all back.
Friday, 27 June 2008
Bell Canada Quote
Our home phone line is broken again and I'm so angry about it. So enraged because it was supposed to be fixed last week, I actually told the Bell guy I was talking to that, "I am so close to hell I can feel the burning."
Rat or Mouse?
The issue discussed in the previous post escalated the second day. The co-worker was very condescending and made a comment to me that was actually mean and hurtful. I gathered myself and after informing my own boss of the incident I decided to bring it up with the co-workers boss. For the most part I was supported in this, it is the mature, professional, and decent thing to do. Part of me felt like a rat going behind their back and tattling. Also what good would it do? It could lead to more pain and mistreatment further down the line too. I also felt meek and pathetic, running to a superior I felt comfortable with instead of handling the issue with my peer. For someone who prides myself in good conflict resolution, I shirked away from this challenge. Going to their boss was very difficult, I was nervous and uncomfortable. It went really well though. I feel relived and happy to have done something about it.
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
Not My Job
I don’t really believe in the whole ‘Not My Job’ type attitude in the workplace. I think that everyone should focus on being a team, friendly and efficient. If asked to do something or to help out in someway you should always try to lend a hand to others and do what your told. Today I fell away from that principle when I got a call from a co-worker. They immediately asked if they could request help from me or if they needed to go through my boss first. For the past few months my boss has been instructing the rest of the team to direct all requests for my help through her, so as to keep me on track with the tasks I have been assigned and to weed out inappropriate or unnecessary demands on my time. This protection of sorts is both a good and bad thing. I responded to the co-worker by saying it depended on the task at hand. I help many people in the program on a whole number of things, without first checking with my boss, because the tasks are part of what I do. Help with travel, catering, location hunting and booking, general events and travel logistics. I was hoping that they were calling for something along these lines. It turns out it is a stupid and mindless task that I had helped out with last year, when I was in a different position within the program. I politely explained that I would be able to help with some aspects of it, but that I no longer have the equipment or computer program to do the first half of the work and suggested a more appropriate person. Not only is there a more appropriate and more obvious person for this job, but there are a number of other people that could have been called upon to help out that make more sense than asking me. I thought I had diplomatically dodged the bullet. I brought over some supplies and explained again to the co-worker that I was available for the second half of the task. I was then informed that they had not approached the correct person for the first part and then started to instruct me on what needed to be done. I tried to politely deflect again, though was slightly less successful. I returned to my desk annoyed. I just received another call from them saying that they themselves had done most of the first part and were ready for my help to finish it. Seriously, it is not my job!! Oh well, I need to be a friendly team player.
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