Intense Weekend

I don't know how to write about this weekend. I have not even fully recovered from the experience. Little Brother Mike was in town. He is on tour with his band and two others, along with a driver and their promoter. They had a gig downtown on Friday night, and then a couple of days off before they headed further out east. The guys (17 of them between the ages of 16-23) stayed at my place for the weekend. Since I have no idea how to describe the events of the past three days I'm going to let the quotes speak for themselves. Note "Band Member" is used when I wish to preserve anonymity, have forgotten the guys name, or have forgotten which one said it.
--"We are going to be late, we just got Bear Maced. Everyone is just a little enraged right now." -Mike to Me on the phone
--"Your sister's cute Mike" -Carl
---"Rob? Ben? Jason? There are 17 of you, I'm just not going to learn them all. Nick? Steve? Fred?" -Me to Josh when trying to remember his name
------"Fred is good. I can be Fred." -Josh
--(Silence) -Charlie while staring at sleeping Band Members
--"Last time we were here we saw only one roommate. That Librarian one. Now they are like everywhere." -Wally
--"Is there any factories in town?" -Nick
------"Not really. It is kinda a government town." -Me
------"Oh, like The Beer Store." -Nick
------"No, not governmental retail. Like Health Canada, Natural Resources, like the government government." -Me
------"Oh well, no factories, I can't live here." -Nick
--"Oh, Wally." -Emily
--"Bear Mace, where do you even get that?" -Me
------"Hunting shops." -A Band Member
--"I just got my first hate mail." -Carl
--"Is black lipstick Metal or more Goth?" -Ami
--"I am so so so sorry." -Ami, Tiffany, and Me to the bartender
--"Chris, Chris, stop. Your going to get me drunk." -Jerrica
--"Woah. You don't do that." -Nick to Me after I hit Glenn
--"No. Don't tell anyone where the pop is hidden. It will be our little secret." -A Band Member to Me
--"I think that is going to bruise" -Me to Glenn after he punched Me
------"Woah. You don't do that." -Nick to Glenn
--"YOU. GET IN THE FUCKING HOUSE!!" -Me to Many Band Members while trying to control what looked like an impending fight
--"I'm just trying to help get everyone inside." -Many Band Members to Me
------"OK THEN. GET IN THE FUCKING HOUSE!!" -Me
--"Guys, chill. He is my dealer." -Me
--"I hate being dragged and then put places" -Tiffany
--"I want to kick that guys ass" -Nick to Me
------"No! Huh? Wait? What? No! Lie to me, tell me your your trying to help and get everyone inside. Lie to me." -Me
--"Chris stay here, I'm sober." -Mike to Me about who would talk to The Cop
--"HOLY SHIT!" -Me to The Cop after seeing two more cop cars pull into the street
--"Alright then, we are going to hug this out. Get up here. Other arm. That's it." -Mark to Me
--"Next time wake me up earlier." -Mike to Me
--"The Librarian is hot." -Wally and Carl about Emily
--"Ok, my vote is in. Mark is definitely the nicest one." -Anna
--"Wow. I have not done that in a long time. My neck is killing me." -Ami about her head banging injury
--"YOU. RIDE A BICYCLE! YOU. GO PEEL OFF THE WALLPAPER! YOU. WALK IN CIRCLES IN A NORTH EAST DIRECTION! If I keep yelling in an authoritative tone, things will some how fix themselves, even if what I'm saying makes no sense." -Mike doing an impression of Me
--"Oh, I so knew that is what it was all about." -Ami to Me
--"Any one who cooks with chickpeas is amazing." -Josh about Emily
--"It is when you shit along the top of the toilet so when the next person flushes it, it just flushes shit, not clear water. You know, I have always wanted to do a Top Shelf at Top Shelf." -A Band Member to Me
--"So do you really really like Like like like him?" -Emily to Me about A Band Member
--"You didn't really enjoy your time in high school if you weren't having lots of anal sex" -Wally to Me
--"Your brown? Well I guess you look a little Mexican." -Me to Andreas after finding out he is Pakistani
--"UHH, I'm just going to pee off the roof" -Nick after waiting for the bathroom
------"No you cannot pee off the roof" -Me
------"Look she is saying you cannot, as in you don't have the ability. Now you have to do it to prove her wrong." -Mike
--"This town is so healthy, look at everyone biking. With helmets!" -A Band Member
--"Which one was it? Did they have long hair? Where they wearing black? Did they have facial hair? Did they have any tattoos?" -Me to Anna trying to figure out which guy she was talking about
--"I'm going for the triple threat. Three showers in three days." - John to Mike
--"Oh, so like the only one wearing a white shirt?" -Anna about Josh
--"Wayne's World is the best movie in the world." -Andreas
--"Did you guys sleep here? Was it loud? Did you get a shower in the morning" -Me to Wes
------"Yea it was fine. I don't shower on the weekends." -Wes
------"What? I don't even know how to respond to that." -Me
--"Are you kidding? I love Faulkner. I love stream-of-consciousness." -Josh
--"It's totally hit and miss with those guys." -Anna
--"I don't get it. I'm perfectly nice to chicks and get nowhere. Wally walks up to them and says 'Get on your knees bitch' and they all love him." -Carl
--"Mike. You know we could have had this talk anytime this weekend. Now is probably not a great time." -Me to Mike after everyone is packed and ready to go in the vans and he decides to have a nice heart to heart with his big sister
--"Alright Chris, goal for next weekend: No emergency vehicles at 900 Colonel By." -Emily to Me