That Is Life

"There is something about yourself that you don't know. Something that you will deny even exists, until it's too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason you get up in the morning. The only reason you suffer the shitty puss, the blood, the sweat and the tears. This is because you want people to know how good, attractive, generous, funny, wild and clever you really are. Fear or revere me, but please, think I'm special. We share an addiction. We're approval junkies. We're all in it for the slap on the back and the gold watch. The hip-hip-hoo-fuckin' rah. Look at the clever boy with the badge, polishing his trophy. Shine on you crazy diamond, because we're just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others." - From Revolver

Adderall

I'm running low on my newest prescription medication, Adderall. My pharmacy is not open again until the 2nd, so I have to pick the days until then that I take it. I didn't have it today and I'm feeling really down right now and have been unmotivated all day. It scares me for two reasons 1-Addiction 2-Connection To Depression. It was prescribed to me to help the depression but manly to help with my alleged ADD. Most Anti-Depressants are sedatives with exhaustion and long sleeping hours as side effects, this drugs helps fight that. I'm worried that it is a bigger part of my happiness then I had originally thought. This scares me for two reasons 1-I Now Take Two Different Drugs For Depression 2-Addiction. Basically this is a really addictive drug. There are warnings about it all over the net. Warnings that my doctor didn't give me when it was originally prescribed. In the US it is listed under the Controlled Substance Act as a Schedule II type drug, which means although it is legal for medical prescription use it has a high potential for abuse, and abuse of it can lead to sever psychological and physical dependence. Schedule I type drugs are illegal, and Schedule III, IV, and V have lower risks. I'm worried because it is slowly becoming clear to me that the days I take this drug are much better then the ones when I don't. It is terrifying to think I might becoming addicted to something or even that I need something so very much in order to live a happy and slightly normal life. How am I not dependent on it when stopping taking it leaves me in tears and pretty much unfunctioning? Then again maybe it is all in my head. (Sorry, bad mental health pun.)

New Era Of Santa

I didn't have to write to him this year (or leave cookies or a note, I'm really slacking.) Somehow Santa still found out that I wanted a digital camera for Christmas. I think he must have read my blog. I got a Nikon Coolpix S200 which is so tiny and so cute, and so very fast. It is faster then average when it comes to start-up times which is good since because of its shape (when turned on the little lens sticks out) I won't be just keeping it on like I did with my other one. It also has essentially no lag, which means I can capture moments instantly. I usually like to set up my shots but it is good to have a fast camera. It has 0.1 more mega pixels then I asked for too, as it has 7.1. I read a review about it and it seems like it will be a very good little camera which should keep me happy for the years to come. Eventually I do want a digital SLR, but this little guy will definitely provide me with good quality images until I can afford one far off in the future. I can't get over how tiny it is. I feel like James Bond.

Tear Jerker

I love movies that that appeal to both genders. One of my Top Five Favorite Movies is High Fidelity (Teri gave it to me for Christmas this year.) It is a great movie because although it is a romance and deals with relationship themes, it is from a male perspective, and guys like it. It is a chick-flick for guys. In the opposite sense I think of Man On Fire as a action-flick with depth. Not really for girls, but girls can love it because they can get behind the emotions of the story and the art of the movie. The cinematography and music is amazing, and is used in such a way that the graphic scenes seem a little less gory. My dad describes the end as a 'tear jerker' but I think this is an understatement as I was balling. I have seen it twice now and am shocked that it really hasn't gotten the recognition it deserves, it really is a quality movie.

So Cold

I just don't get it. I'm freezing. I live in Ottawa and deal with ridiculously cold temperatures all the time. -17 for most of this past week. I get into Paris and I'm dying. It is this damp -3 and it is killing me. This type of cold just gets into your bones and no amount of clothes or blankets seem to help. I may have take a trick from the homeless and just start drinking.

Nine To Five

Shot of me in my cubicle at work. Note the florescent overhead lighting, dull walls, and fake smile. I do love my job though, almost as much as the new white sweater I'm wearing. (Picture by The Prairie Girl)

The League

I want to bring back the 'league', as a unit of measurement. I thought I had posted about this before but a quick search of Always Standing and it seems I forgot to mention it. A league is a unit of length that used to be common in Europe and Latin America. It is the distance a person can walk in an hour, so 5.5 kilometres. It is no longer an official unit of measurement in any country, but I hope to bring it back to regular practice. I got thinking about it because of the Christmas Carol, Good King Wenceslas, one of my favorites. "Sire, he lives a good league hence..."

Winning

I tend to be averagely lucky. I rarely win door prizes or other such draws, but I sometimes do. Today at our office Christmas party I won a door prize. When I went up to the table I didn't really look around at them and just picked the biggest one. A rookie mistake. It was a big basket filled with different things, and was nice enough. The main problem was that it was tea themed, and I'm just not that into tea, nor is anyone I know. I ended up passing it on to my new boss. I had wanted to get her a gift anyway and but have run out of time, money and ideas. Although I gave it to her because I thought she may like it, or parts of it, I think she felt bad because she had been kidding with me about giving it to her. I also think it may have looked tacky to pass on a gift I had just won. As usual I'm totally in the dark with the office protocol and fumble around doing my own thing.