Bye Bye Baby Girl

After a tough week for a number of reasons, I had to drive home this weekend with Binx to have her put down. It was a bit of a dejavu. There has been so much kitty drama in the fall - from thinking she had had a stroke and would never walk again and we needed to put her down - to learning that cats don't have strokes and that she had broken her pelvis - then having her slowly get better - to having her confined in my parents enclosed shower so she could heal - to finally having her move to Toronto - to having a few more weird cat medical issues within the first few weeks she was at Rrunuv Bayit - to finally having her healthy.

However, I don't really know how it started but over the last month she has just started to fall apart. For the last few weeks she had been losing weight rapidly and I don't know if that has put strain on her pelvis or if she re-injured it but she was having difficulties walking. She spent all her time next to the radiator in the bathroom, didn't want to visit with people, wasn't eating very much, and just looked uncomfortable all the time.

In the fall I had been distraught at the idea of losing her but this time it was much better. After her pelvis injury she just seemed mad that she was unable to walk and she really did heal quite quickly from it and became a very happy kitty afterwards. This time she seemed unhappy, uncomfortable, and very much like she had given up. It was a much easier decision to make. Other events over the last couple of weeks have helped to keep it in perspective as well. She had a good life, was 18-19 and had been with me since I was 10, but she was in pain. It was very sad, but still a timely and necessary death.

I definitely cried a lot - before, during, and after. (Yes, I stayed with her when it happened.) I have kept her collar which I plan to put in a shadow box with some photos. I keep thinking, "Who am I going to use as the excuse for talking to myself now?" and "What will I blame scary nosies in the night on?" I'm trying not to let myself think about the other, more legitimate, ways I will miss her because it upsets me too much. She has been a part of my life for so long and I loved her so much. It was time but it was still so hard to let her go.

I miss you Binx, love you Baby Girl. RIP.

Photo by Stephanie Beach Photography