The Misdaventures Of A Lesser-Known German Scientist's Assistant

This story was created today out of boredom at work. While my friends and I were pretty busy today at our different offices, we still looked for some small distraction. (5 of us in 3 different cities, each in an unique building in our own small cubicles, stretching across the country from Ontario to Alberta.) We decided to build a story together, one fragmented sentence at a time. The e-mail was passed from girl to girl, each finishing half a sentence from the girl before and then starting another before passing it along. It looped through the bunch of us a few times and finally grew to this by the end of the day. Behold, our tale...

Ten years ago in a small German town there was a man whose limbs were of unequal sizes. This made it very difficult for him to talk to Fräuleins as he was embarrassed of his unequal limbs. The man decided to create a machine that would, through optical illusion, make his limbs appear to be equal sizes to the outside observer. Unfortunately his calculations were off and on the first trial of his invention the machine began to overheat. Noticing this, the man called to his assistant, "Christoph, die machine itz smoking and vill probably blow!" Christoph ran over with a bucket of oil to grease the gears of the machine so that it would stop smoking and the trial could be completed. Unfortunately the machine quit working before the trial could be fully completed, therefore leaving the optical illusion of one of his arms being the size of his leg and the other being the size of his foot.

Having briefly dabbled in the art of soapstone sculpture in his youth, he decided that the way to get the Fräuleins was through art. He quickly signed up for an art class, however he only realized after devoting much time and energy to it that it was for abstract art only. All of his very expensive soapstone sculptures came out looking like exact replicas of David Hasselhoff's face. Devastated, the man whose limbs were of unequal sizes began to hack away at the David Hasselhoff face replicas until there was nothing left but shavings of soapstone.

For a long time after, on frosty winter mornings, Christoph can still hear screams of, "Itz smoking and vill probably blow" eerily drift across the British Moors where he now lives. England was the chosen refuge for Christoph after his master's Hasselhoff replicas occupied his entire workspace, metres high, and eventually crashed down upon him breaking most of his bones. During his recovery time in England, Christoph became obsessed with the need to rebuild the optical illusion machine so as to fulfill his master's wishes. Christoph worked tirelessly and then, one dark and stormy night on the British Moors, he had a flash of genius and devised a plan to begin rebuilding the machine using an electro-magnetic flightsimulator. And so, like every great scientist, standing before his greatest success, Christoph felt a sense of pride and that all the time, pain, and broken bones were worth this one great fleeting moment as all of his already proportionate limbs adjusted to appear perfectly equal in size.
-Anne, Erin, Erin, Teri, and I