Tuesday, 27 February 2018

The Reckoning - Using The Anger

Jason was very supportive in Ottawa while I was having my fitness-related emotional breakdown. I explained how I was feeling and what was happening to me as best I could. He was understanding about my desire to leave and return to Toronto, identifying it as a desire for safety and comfort - something I hadn't even figured out at the time. Before he agreed to cut the trip short, and pop in on a few of my friends in my place, to do the various item pick-ups and drop offs that were required - he posed an important question: "What are you going to do with this anger?"

I can complain about the way I look, or being out of shape, or whatever, but this was a level of distress that couldn't be ignored. He didn't want me to run away from Ottawa and ignore what happened. I also, never, ever want to feel that way again. So I vowed to use the anger, to remember it and start moving towards a higher fitness level and better relationship with my body.

The following day, Monday February 12, I started making a point of 'moving' for at least 20 minutes every day - walking on the treadmill at the gym or doing a YouTube fitness video. I also do some type of cool down each evening, either a mindfulness/meditation activity or a short bedtime yoga routine.

So far I have only missed a couple of days and even though this is a small, slow start I hope to increase and expand it. I would like to return to my previous carefree, happy relationship with my body where I don't really ever think about it.


Anonymous said...

Chris!! That's awesome that you are finding time to do 20 minutes every day! And you don't even have me there yelling at you to keep running! When we would do our 5k runs in the summer, it was awesome and so much fun and you did so great (even with the Good!). When I move there in 18 months we will have to pick it back up :)

Sweeton said...

So sorry to hear it got to that level. Devastating! I believe that. On the flip side, that intensity is a great motivator because it is so easy to slide backwards with a busylife and competing priorities. Good for you making the changes. I am always so proud of how you push through the hard times. Love you!

Unknown said...

Love you Chris and I'm glad you're using your blog to write about this! I'm so sorry you felt that way in Ottawa. I am here for you to support you in whatever your plan is! That is awesome that you're doing 20 min a day. You are such a strong person!


Anonymous said...

As always Chris, your bravery to post about the vulnerable and challenging things in life is inspiring.
Love you,