I was watching Hockey Wives with Tessa on Monday. (I would like to state that it was not my decision of show, I don't like it very much - but I can't judge her choice, I like a lot of reality TV and none of it is good.) One of the women had a baby recently and talks to her friend about how tiring motherhood is because her son isn't sleeping through the night yet. She said this, while giggling:
I don’t want anything bad to happen to me. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. But if the world just blew up and everybody just ended at the same time, I’d be fine with that. That’s how tired I am.
This rings so close to depression. I have had these thoughts, they are the precursor to wanting to die. It isn't quite there yet, it is the desire to just not exist anymore in a way that avoids pain for friends and family - it is very close to a suicide fantasy. However, it also rings so true to what I image parents might think or feel at times.