Wednesday, 8 February 2017

Motherhood - Just Disappear

I was watching Hockey Wives with Tessa on Monday. (I would like to state that it was not my decision of show, I don't like it very much - but I can't judge her choice, I like a lot of reality TV and none of it is good.) One of the women had a baby recently and talks to her friend about how tiring motherhood is because her son isn't sleeping through the night yet. She said this, while giggling:

I don’t want anything bad to happen to me. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. But if the world just blew up and everybody just ended at the same time, I’d be fine with that. That’s how tired I am.

This rings so close to depression. I have had these thoughts, they are the precursor to wanting to die. It isn't quite there yet, it is the desire to just not exist anymore in a way that avoids pain for friends and family - it is very close to a suicide fantasy. However, it also rings so true to what I image parents might think or feel at times.


Anonymous said...

There is a new show on CBC called Working Moms and they had a similar line except the woman said every now and then she thought about how it wouldn't be so bad if her baby just disappeared f on his car seat.


Anonymous said...

I think bone-deep exhaustion is more like desperation than depression (although, to be fair I've only experienced the first and not the second, yet). It's like wishing the world had a 'pause' button just so you can close your eyes and nap.

Love T