Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Confessions Of A Backdater

Yes, sometimes I backdate my blog posts on Always Standing. This has been especially true recently since I am trying to do so many series-style posts. I haven't been consistent with Throwback Thursdays, or Wednesday's friend updates. However, I really like always doing a cat-related post on Saturday and the Sunday Mornin' Coming Down series about my dad. Cat-related is easy, but sometimes it is hard to write about Dad, especially since I am trying to keep the Sunday posts positive.

This weekend was really difficult grief-wise. I didn't think it would bother me so much on my birthday but I was really crushed. To quote Kristen, "Everything that is normally happy can now make you sad." It is true, I was devastated Friday night and most of Saturday morning. So upset that I was worried I wouldn't be able to stop bawling and would need to cancel my party. Thankfully I slowly cheered up and my birthday celebrations went on as planned.

I now have a dull pain in my heart and a permanent lump in my throat so I haven't wanted to write about my dad until today (Wednesday). But the French Toast post is true, it was what Jason and I had for dinner Sunday night and for me it was a way to remember Dad without having to outwardly acknowledge it at the time. He died 6 months ago yesterday and it still hurts so much. I don't think the pain and sadness connected to this will ever go away, but I do hope that it stops being so sharp and feeling so fresh.

1 comment:

Sweeton said...

I too had a hard time with the 6 month mark. It still seems so fresh, maybe raw is a better word. I guess when you've been with someone nearly 40 years, 6 months isn't that long.
On the other hand, I don't cry quite so easily or quite so often. I find I can be happy and enjoy things.