I met J very very quickly on eHarmony. He was one of the matches that I messaged the first night I joined and he was the first person I met up with to meet face-to-face. To be ensure that the first date truly was special, I met up with someone else from the online dating site to see if all dates were like that since I was so new to it all. The second date was enjoyable but the chemistry was not there for me. This second guy wanted to meet up again and I had to apologize and say we weren't a good match. J and I then moved quite quickly into 'relationship status' and I stopped being an active participant on eHarmony - basically closing my profile.
J and I had a decent run - for the most part it was a fun three months and a great re-entry into the world of dating after a bit of a hiatus. However, I feel like it gave me a false sense of security and incorrect impressions of the online-dating world.
Thoughts From My First Use Of eHarmony And How The Second Run Is Different:
-- "This is going to be super fast and easy." J and I sent a couple of fun and witty emails, did a bit of arranging over text message to meet up and grabbed dinner as a last minute plan when we both figured out we have an evening free. Now, I am probably over a month into dating again and I have found getting to know guys and arranging dates with them can be tedious. Sometimes the text messaging stage lasts so long and gets so intense/flirty/frequent that it is practically like we are dating before we even meet. I also am busy so maybe that is making it harder to arrange times to meet - but I am always busy usually my social life fits around everything well.
-- "I am going to meet interesting people and do interesting things." This thought is manly based on the idea the dates are creative, fun, outings. Admittedly J and I just grabbed basic pub dinners the first few times we went out but soon after, because his interests and life were so different from mine, I got to do a lot of things I hadn't done before - like go to a hockey game in Toronto, Go Leafs Go! I think I have first-date burnout. I have gotten to visit some nice restaurants that I haven't been to before (and I got taken out in a really sweet car by a guy who sadly never called again) but in general these meetings are not super thrilling.
-- "The blog is going to help me." J had found Always Standing prior to us going on our first date - without prompting. This ended up disclosing the ADD, depression, what I look like, etc. upfront. I found it both flattering and revealing. Now, guys either refuse to look me up, even when given the details or they do and then they disappear, presumably turned-off my something that they found online.
-- "Everyone will want to meet and then date me." My first two dates both resulted in being asked out a second time. I proceeded to date one of them and had to politely decline the other. Even beyond that there were people still online who were interested in meet me. I am finding people this time around who are interested in meeting me - though it doesn't feel like a long or impressive list at the moment. However, once they meet me - they do not want to see me again! Some just completely sever conversation, which is so frustrating. Then others send a short message stating that they aren't interested in pursuing things further, which is a method that I prefer, however still can be heart-breaking at times.
It is definitly a good thing that the last thought listed above got challenged. It is not healthy/attractive to go around with that sort of attitude. However, I do wish things were going better. I will post later on about the various theories as to why I don't seem to be making good connections this time around.