Wednesday 15 February 2012

Fuck February

I have realised that February has pretty much always been an awful month for me. Some really horrible things have happened to me during various Februaries.
- I have nearly been fired, twice
- I have actually been fired, once

- My Grandma died a few years ago in February, I think

- Binx died last February

- I nearly failed an entire semester of my undergrad
- I went through two horrible breakups

- On two separate occasions in previous Februaries I have been suicidal

Basically it is the month when my depression has the tendency to be at its worst, which has lead to disastrous situations in my academic, work, social, and love life. I really want to get through this month without anything getting messed up.

This February has the potential to be a bit of a perfect storm for depression for the following reasons:
- I have been eating badly for a few months
- I have been out of shape for many months
- I am only just out of my last bought of serious depression
- I am no longer seeing my councillor through Ryerson
- I am adjusting to life not being a student
- My work is very busy with lots of projects on the go
- My parents are away and I miss them
- I have no money and it is stressing me out
- It is damp, cold, dark, and grey

However, I will not let it win this time. I am going to fight my hardest and my smartest this month so that the depression stays away. Here's how:
- I'm very careful about always properly taking my medication
- My friends and family are amazingly supportive
- I'm in a new relationship that I'm really excited about
- I have started to use a 'sun lamp' every morning
- Two is at a really fun stage, crazy and a bit cuddly
- I have been watching my sleep schedule carefully, getting at least 7hrs
- The CAMH CBT group is going well
- I am going to the gym regularly
- I have restarted the Curves diet and am working at eating well
- Rrunuv Bayit is tidy, Kristen is a huge help in this
- I quit Tim Hortons to focus on keeping everything else on track
- My loan is coming soon
- I'm trying to be honest and forthcoming with everyone
(Please consider this post to be me working towards that last point.)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great plans Chris, should work to at least keep it at bay until the sun and warmth comes back and helps. You keep getting better at understanding and dealing with your depression.
Love you
Mum

Anonymous said...

Ditto as to what your Mom said.

I'm excited to get some Vitamin D from the sun on our ski trip this weekend.

Love you!! I'm so lucky to have such an amazing friend - one that has always been there for me for most of my life :)

Teri