I pushed myself hard this past weekend and ran twice, but that still isn't good enough. There are too many times that I plan to run that I end up staying in. Not only do I want to do the 5K in October but I also want to trim down. Right now I totally hate my body, I hate it so much. This was confirmed by pictures which I'm continually deleting from my camera because I'm in them and look terrible. I'm huge, and my face is losing definition and features so that I don't even look my myself anymore. (See Photo.) So I have a new oath to work at the running more. I also have decided to stop drinking for a while. My mom pointed it out last time I drank that when I do I always feel down afterwards and end up missing work. A depressant like alcohol is never an good idea when you suffer from depression and it also tends to go against the anti-depressants, which is counter productive. I now know that my mom was right, I drank yesterday on Canada Day (because come on, it was Canada Day!) Today I'm not doing so well. I don't feel hopeless, miserable, and so sad that I want to hurt myself, but I do feel very down, empty, sad, and emotionally hollow. It shouldn't be hard to go the rest of the summer without drinking; since I have always said I'm more fun sober anyway, I know that I don't need to drink to have a good time, and most of my friends that are around this summer aren't really drinkers anyway. So I'm going to take a break from the booze for a while until I have the depression thing under control, which will happen through the anti-depressants as well as exercise, another reason for the running.
Wednesday 2 July 2008
Running Dry
I pushed myself hard this past weekend and ran twice, but that still isn't good enough. There are too many times that I plan to run that I end up staying in. Not only do I want to do the 5K in October but I also want to trim down. Right now I totally hate my body, I hate it so much. This was confirmed by pictures which I'm continually deleting from my camera because I'm in them and look terrible. I'm huge, and my face is losing definition and features so that I don't even look my myself anymore. (See Photo.) So I have a new oath to work at the running more. I also have decided to stop drinking for a while. My mom pointed it out last time I drank that when I do I always feel down afterwards and end up missing work. A depressant like alcohol is never an good idea when you suffer from depression and it also tends to go against the anti-depressants, which is counter productive. I now know that my mom was right, I drank yesterday on Canada Day (because come on, it was Canada Day!) Today I'm not doing so well. I don't feel hopeless, miserable, and so sad that I want to hurt myself, but I do feel very down, empty, sad, and emotionally hollow. It shouldn't be hard to go the rest of the summer without drinking; since I have always said I'm more fun sober anyway, I know that I don't need to drink to have a good time, and most of my friends that are around this summer aren't really drinkers anyway. So I'm going to take a break from the booze for a while until I have the depression thing under control, which will happen through the anti-depressants as well as exercise, another reason for the running.
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3 comments:
I often feel very down after drinking as well. I guess we always forget that while in the moment.
Love, Teri
I am all for the no drinking thing seeing as how I don't really ever drink. :) I think it is an excellent idea to stop for a while to see what happens - it is a great deal of empty calories.
Just so you know, I think you are beautiful. Although I totally understand hating how you look as I do most of the time.
If you run with me and Marianne on Saturdays, you will keep up or you will be left in the dust. I do not accept failure! You need to push yourself to reach your goals - we all push ourselves.
And, breakfast tastes soooooooo good afterwards, it's the best!!
-A.
p.s. who needs alcohol when you're high on life????
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