I'm happy to continue to be single for a while, since it is quite a rare occurrence for me, but I still like to look at and dream about guys. I can't seem to find a decent guy to crush on. I rarely get to meet new people anymore, and the office offers nothing really in terms of young guys, especially not available young guys. (I can't seem to crush on a guy who is taken, it feels wrong to me.)
When I do crush it seems I'm going way younger. It is like I'm 14 all over again, dreaming about JTT and Devon Sawa. I need to get over this attraction I have to boys. Any teenager or guy in their early 20's will have nothing in common with me. I just have more life experience, been away from home for 4 years now, and tons has happened.
The next option is those guys in their mid 20's, making their age and life experience right at par with me. They seem to be either in a long-term serious relationship or dating all over the place and very unstable. I also find them annoying, they tend to remind me of fraternity guys, which I despise. That leaves me with the late 20 year olds and those in their early 30's. I can't get over that these guys are now men and no longer boys. It seems odd to consider yourself ready to date a man, as I connect the idea of "men" to my father.
I guess I'm not ready to grow-up, I'm scared that I will end up either dooming myself to have bad relationships from bad guy choices or stay crushing on young boys and become a cougar at 23.
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