Still Mourning

Time does change how and when I grieve about my father. There aren't really surprise breakdowns anymore. I can control my crying better and know during a conversation whether it is going to upset me, then I can decide to steer it in a way that won't. There are still trigger words, phrases, and concepts that I find difficult.

Last night I was hurting and missing him so much. I wish I could turn times like that into actions that would be more positive or productive - focus on good memories, or documenting my thoughts into art or something. But really it is just pain and my reaction is to cry.