Why I Don't WANT An Engagement Ring

In connection with my previous post, Why I Don't NEED An Engagement Ring, I thought I would write about the more personal side of my lack of desire in having this item at some point in my life. In JennD's Facebook post about the issue she also stated, "I'm so glad I have my beautiful claddagh ring given by my family in the traditional Irish way." I think that is the most important thing for all relationships, engagements, weddings, and marriages - Do what you want! Do what means something to you (individually and as a couple).

Aside from a very select few friends who for various reasons aren't interested, pretty much everyone I know wants or wanted an engagement ring. And that is great! It is a beautiful gift to give and to receive. The boyfriends, fiances, and husbands of these friends all wanted to buy and give one too. It isn't a conversation you have often but I am sure in the intimacy that is a relationship at the level of engagement each of these couples have different meanings for the ring and the girls wanted them for different reasons. I am so happy for them, it is amazing to watch people you love have their dreams realized.

Here is the thing, it isn't a desire I have, it has never been a dream of mine. So unless my future fiance has anticipated the exciting moment that he buy and give an engagement ring since he was a little boy - like really really wants to - something he has hoped for all his life. If not, then I don't think it makes sense for me. For the following reasons, moving from practical to the more personally vain/stupid.

1. For all the reasons listed in the previous post: I don't like what it symbolizes, I don't believe in the tradition since it isn't longstanding or meaningful. They don't actually contain or maintain their perceived value. They are not an investment and even if they were how would that investment be realized (you aren't going to sell it upon retirement.) Mainly, personally, I don't like how unequal and gender based the practice is. OTHER SIDE: Put your own meaning on it, link the tradition to your more immediate family, it is a reminder of a very special moment in your life.

2. The cost: I don't want that money spent on something I would wear. There are so many things that I could think of to put that money towards, including the actual wedding itself. I can't imagine buying an item of jewelry for more than $200 and I am only stating such a high price because I can see value in a nice watch or higher quality earrings because of metal sensitivities. I have a hard time spending more than $40 for jeans. As I age, and gradually make more money, I am sure the amount I spend on what I wear could increase, but never to the amount that most of these rings are. OTHER SIDE: If you want something than the cost doesn't matter. Value is different for everyone. Good budgeting can usually make something affordable.

3. It is common place: I want to be unique. So, I am obviously moving on to the less practical reasons. (I am not going to provide the other side of these reasons, mainly because they are so personally connected to who I am.) I like the idea of being special. I know that it is inaccurate and arrogant but I want to think of myself and my relationships are being different than others. Engagement rings are so expected, to not have one would be a bold statement of individualism.

4. I don't like jewelry: I rarely wear it. I actually often find it uncomfortable or bothersome when wearing jewelry. I have to keep it on permanently (sleep, bath, constantly) or I would forget to put it on. I barely notice it on other people.

5. I have webbed fingers: Maybe this is the root of it all. I hate rings. The only one I ever really liked was the one I got from high school and I was really really picky about it (and still don't wear it often.) I like my hands, but I wouldn't want to draw attention to the specifics of my fingers. You can't see the webbing (most predominately between the ring and middle finger on the left hand) unless you really look and I am spreading my fingers out. However, as soon as I put a ring on the fact that it rests, often cockeyed, between my knuckle and bottom of my finger is very evident. It always looks terrible.

So, there you have it. I don't need or want an engagement ring. But a wedding band is a different story and in the far far future when I might have to deal with that I hope to figure out a way to resolve the webbed finger issue.