Thoughts On Suicide - IV

I have dragged my friends and family so far into this they they are as deep as I am. I worry that I'm ruining my mothers life and that I have distorted the happy go lucky nature of my father. I showed him tonight my true mentally ill self, tears and fears and all. I don't know if showing my dad who I am right now really made him understand, but I hope he gets how sorry I am to drag my mom into this. It is easiest to be honest with her, as honest as I an be at this point. I can tell her that the house doesn't contain a knife sharp enough to do the trick and that she can sleep soundly knowing that I will live until tomorrow, but she doesn't really sleep, she cries. I have become that child we all read about, the tearful crazy one that no loving parent deserves, but I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how I got here, and I don't know how to leave.